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April 18, 2014

'The Real Housewives of Miami' Season 1, Episode 7 (Reunion) Recap

['The Real Housewives of Miami' - 'Reunion'] It's probably no surprise that the first-ever live 'Housewives' reunion show resulted in more than one commercial-break brawl. And that they needed an electric fan set up in that sweaty Bravo clubhouse (it wasn't for the windswept hair, was it?) Most telling was the suddenly out-for-blood Adriana and her not so subtle hint that if everyone...

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'Bethenny Ever After' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap

['Bethenny Ever After' - 'Fleeing From 40'] Poor Jason, but good Jason. It was hard to empathize with Bethenny when she shuttered herself in the bathroom to cry bloody murder. Everyone around her was supportive and happy to make her happy. But there was that old chestnut, her past, latent or invisible most of the time, exploding at just the wrong moment. So, her husband was good to weather...

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'The Real Housewives of Miami' Season 1, Episode 6 (Season Finale) Recap

['The Real Housewives of Miami' - 'Miami Mamis Know Best'] "It was so stupid, and so retarded ... that I don't want to talk about it anymore." - Elsa, on Marysol's cooking party. Actually, was she talking about the show? What? Oh, never mind. Some plot lines are actually starting to take off here, and it has only been six episodes. But how about some more Elsa? "How many husbands have...

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'Bethenny Ever After' Season 1, Episode 5 Recap

['Bethenny Ever After' - 'Ice Castles and Hassles'] How convenient ... a night in a swanky hotel with her girl posse just to talk ... about planning her birthday party? It sounds better than it ended up, especially when Bethenny's got some kind of birthday psychosis going on, unsurprisingly traced back to some pretty unsavory, sad moments from her childhood. See, she was sure the therapist had...

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'The Real Housewives of Miami' Season 1, Episode 5 Recap

['The Real Housewives of Miami' - 'Beach Slap'] Well, Marysol and Philippe's wedding was refreshingly simple and pared-down, despite the fact that the justice of the peace read their self-written vows. No weeks of stressed-out planning, just a ride up the mountain to the ceremony. Plus, Marysol remains likable, able to shake off that whole "green card" comment and sail off into the snow in...

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'Bethenny Ever After' Season 1, Episode 4 Recap

['Bethenny Ever After' - 'It's My Baptism and I'll Cry if I Want To'] One minute Bethenny's riffing that Gina's spiritual dance looks like she's "on ecstasy at a rave," the next she's skedaddling out of the baby nurse's church because the baby may have just been accidentally (or not) baptized. Bethenny hit the nail on the head when she said "I don't like to feel out of control" -- as in, she...

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'The Real Housewives of Miami' Season 1, Episode 4 Recap

['The Real Housewives of Miami' - 'Waterfront & Center'] "Oooh food!" as Elsa would say, spying a nondescript cardboard box. Lea was a definite oh-hell-to-the-PETA-no on the pork. Larsa didn't eat it and neither did Alexia, the host. So why, exactly, was a whole pig on the menu? For the show of it all, it seemed. Or because Herman said so....

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'Bethenny Ever After' Season 1, Episode 3 Recap

['Bethenny Ever After' - 'Business As Unusual'] "He's so unusual. When he saw Bryn, he said 'nice to meet you.' He wanted to give her one of his roasted red peppers and then she would die ... that would be awkward for everyone." -- Bethenny, on Nick the foodie, her adopted blogger. Foodie Nick on his culinary crawl, peering around with worried eyes, head upturned, hair pointing in all...

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'The Real Housewives of Miami' Season 1, Episode 3 Recap

['The Real Housewives of Miami' - 'Optical Delusion'] In a perfect world we'd have Elsa, Marysol's mom, go up against the pissed-off art guy. But since we can't have that, we can at least relish the one-liners bestowed upon us by the honorary seventh Miami housewife. Precious Elsa gems: "You know what, I hate to tell you, but most things look good on me." "There's nothing better...

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'Bethenny Ever After' Season 1, Episode 2 Recap

['Bethenny Ever After' - 'There is No Normal'] "Who wouldn't want this fantastic gay ornament coming to your house with a satchel of jewels?" -- Bethenny, speaking of the the geode-toting Patrick Who knew Bethenny had such a connection to Nick the foodie? It seems like she wants him on the payroll, not just as a friend to eat burgers with during "accidental" meetings. Jason has to "break...

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