How best can I hide my true feelings about results shows? Hmmm. Sarcasm? Again? I think I need to. That choreography was awesome! The stage movements aren't so bad by themselves really; it's more that the poor contestants weren't chosen for any skills in movement -- and it shows. It always reminds me of what an all-star high school show choir might be like. So, while trying not to completely ...

In case you were wondering, I think the words were: "As I look around I see things remind me Just to see you smile Made my heart fill with joy I'll still recall All those dreams we shared together Where did you run to, boy?" Personally I've never really heard the song and had to look the lyrics up. I've never been much of a Diana Ross fan, and apparently neither was Haley. ...

Well, if anything was clear after tonight, it was that the girls this season have bigger, stronger and fatter cojones than the guys do. That probably won't stop one of the boys from sticking around long enough to see the top two or three, though. Idol voters have funny ways of making us cringe. It's not rigged, though, I promise. At least, I don't think it is -- and I have some good reasons to ...

I was a little distracted tonight. I should have been trying to care about who left this week, but instead I kept thinking about Kellie Pickler and her little blue dress. It's not what you think; I'm into smarter girls. It's just funny how perfectly she illustrated what the effect of a night on the town in your "Red High Heels" will have on you. I like to think she woke up the morning after and ...

What could be more uninspiring than Ryan Seacrest's love tips on Idol this week? ... Hmmmm, I could think of a couple performances, actually. And that's a bad thing, since Ryan isn't exactly an icon of wisdom. But, I don't want to talk about what I didn't like this time -- call it a break through in therapy, if you like. Instead, as much as I hate to say it, I want to pick up the Paula Abdul torch ...

Do you remember back when the catch phrase "I'm going to Disneyland" was big? I remember saying it all the time after running over home plate during pick-up kickball games with my brothers. It was the quintessential victory phrase. It was almost as big as classic lines like "Where's the beef?" or "Whatchoo talkin' about Willis?" Saying that meant things couldn't get any better. Without any ...

Looks like it could be a girl's year this year. After 26.2 miles of Idol watching over the last couple nights, I'm pretty spent. Thankfully, this week's installment of Idol ended on the proverbial high note and left me wanting a little more. All big voices and beat boxing aside, though, the one question rattling around in my brain is what kind of record do these contestants plan on making after ...

I love JetBlue ... kind of. I've been sitting on the tarmac for close to five hours now in a snowstorm, and while that sucks almost as much as standing in line at Disneyland with kids or having a girlfriend that stops everything for a text message every five seconds, they do have cable TV and a bag of chips for every seat. What American could want anything more? I take that back. Some guy behind ...

So, tonight was the "Best of the Rest." And, of course, the term "best" is used liberally. I can get over it though since there were three words that made sweet love in my eardrums and put me in a great viewing mood. What were they? Last Audition Episode. I don't know anymore if under casual viewing circumstances I'd be amused by all the antics. I'm too close to it all, you know? But, the ...

All day, I've been excited to write about tonight being the last audition episode, so imagine my disappointment at finding out I have another night of this stuff to endure. I'm done. I see through you Ryan Seacrest! Don't think you've got me fooled with words like "exciting," "new" and "special." You could just say, "stretching," "for" and "programming." Still, I did see some exciting moments, ...