Here's my theory -- if Paris would've dropped a big wet smoocher on Seacrest while he was trailing her with that battery pack, then she wouldn't have gone home tonight. It would have been the perfect climatic moment during her performance of Prince's "Kiss," and God (being a huge Idol fan, and understanding the ironic nature of the moment) would have shifted some ...

Paris' wardrobe choices? Silly. Paula's jewelry? Weird. Taylor's dance moves? Silly weird. Another great night to be an American Idol fanatic! And when I say "great," I mean "freaking bizarre!" As far as musical talent goes, this was no musical standards/Rod Stewart needs a plug night. But tonight was completely entertaining. ...

(S05E19) If you ignore the blatant Saw rip-off, then this episode was super fantastic. But any episode that centers around Lionel is a winner in my book. This ep was a total incubator for cliffhangers. In this episode, Lionel is kidnapped by a masked tormentor who forces him to endure all kinds of riddles and physical challenges in order to live. Of course, Martha gets thrown into ...

(S03E22) This was one of those weird episodes where suspension of disbelief is absolutely necessary. Somehow (only with the magic of television), Berkeley and Brown are both having their incoming freshman weekends the same weekend. Weird. Especially weird that they would have an incoming freshman weekend months and months and months before the school semester even starts. ...

I'm not shocked at Ace getting the boot. His number has been up since he couldn't top "Father Figure." (Ugh, that was like the first week, right? And did you notice that Queen was not in his "Bad Day" montage? Ha ha ha!) But Chris in the bottom 3?!?!?! I suppose that America is to blame. We let him down. That's what Paula is going to tell us next Tuesday, I'm sure. But, I ...

You know what they didn't have a lot of back in the old days? Lyrics. Yeah, I know that the lyrics of most modern songs kind of suck. But never before did I realize how many times the chorus is repeated in older songs. It had to be you. It had to be you. It had to be you. But they are beautiful songs. But the outfits were ugly. Not Rod, of course. He always looks sexy in his skinny, ...

(S03E21) So much happened on last night's episode, I just don't know where to start. I'll just jump to the part that shocked me most -- the attempted rape of that poor girl at Volchok's party. Marissa sees one of Volchok's slimy friends slip a questionable liquid into the beer of an already wasted girl. Him and some of his buddies then take the passed-out girl outside to a van to tag team her. For ...

(S05E18) About half-way through last night's Smallville, my roommate suddenly proclaimed, "This is the gayest Smallville ever!" I don't know about gayest, but it was pretty lame. It was one of your typical freak-of-the-week episodes that I wish would've disappeared by the 5th season. But nope. In this (not so) special episode, Clark and Martha take in a foster girl who has the ...

This week's Results Show should have been renamed Make Everybody's Parents Cry Show because that's what it was. I was actually confused at first -- why were the contestants crying at their parents videos? It's not like they are on Survivor and don't get to see them every week. Heck, half of their parents are in the audience every night. They probably see their family more than I get to ...

I don't think I've ever anticipated an American Idol theme night more than this. Like many of you, I typically hate the theme nights. It feels like someone stole the song selection book at a karaoke bar, and left only one page for drunken patrons to choose from. But I was excited for tonight --simply because I thought it would suck. I thought it would be a disastrous mess of awkward ...