America's Next Top Model
Holy frik! We've only just started to embrace the return of our shows after a shortened strike season. Now, they are almost over. In the next few weeks all of our network favorites will say good-bye for the summer to be replaced with reality shows, reality game shows, reality soap operas, and Regis on primetime (again).
Needless to say, I'm a bit depressed. As I am sure you are as well. But, we will do our duty and press on. Thusly, we here at the sprawling lakefront offices of TV Squad (you choose the lakefront) have compiled list of when your favorite, and not so favorite, shows will be saying good-bye for their summer vacation. As usual, taking the fickleness of the networks, these times and days can change at a moment's notices. We will try to update you of those changes as quickly as our little fingers can type it out.
So, with a leaden heart, here are your season and series finales.
(S10E10) I accidentally went through last weeks entire recap without a single mention of Lauren going straight Ginsu on her thumb.
I figured I shouldn't make the same mistake two weeks in a row so decided to intro with Anya's faceplant on a brick street..
We heard the requisite record play scratch immediately after she fell. We got Anya's diary room explanation of how it went down (literally). And we got to watch one girl out of five turn around and help Anya pry her mandible from the ground.
Just when you thought awards shows couldn't get any longer, The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences announced that reality show hosts are eligible to receive Emmys. This year's 60th Annual Emmy Awards will include a category called Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program.
The academy named popular hosts like Ryan Seacrest, Tom Bergeron, Samantha Harris, and Howie Mandel as possible nominees. Ty Pennington, Tyra Banks, and Jeff Foxworthy are also eligible. I'm not surprised that reality hosts are getting this opportunity. The Emmys have had categories for Outstanding Reality Program and Reality-Competition Program since 2001 and 2003, respectively.
Well, here's a rather quirky idea for an internet list/slide show: who has the best and worst logos when it comes to reality shows?
The Chicago Tribune picks the good and the bad. They really get into it, talking about why certain fonts don't work (or do work), why the angle of the Project Runway logo is all wrong ("the logo grows out horizontally and vertically, more like a plane than a runway"), and even why The Real World logo is perfect. I don't think they've even changed the logo in the 20 seasons the show has been on the air. (Note: I'm not sure if this is also in the print edition of the Chicago Tribune or not, but online the logos look terrible, at least on my screen.)
(S10E09) Now, I don't want to come off as too harsh or insensitive, but if Dominique is the first thing I see when an episode of America's Next Top Model begins, I usually do a double take to make sure I didn't accidentally hit play on my Gremlins 2 DVD.
Some say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I say Dominique's eyes be holding no beauty.
They say the eyes are the window to the soul. I say Domique's windows have vacancy signs tacked on the panes.
Some say an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I say, I would gladly gouge out both of my eyes with a worn tooth if I have to look at her just a week longer.
(S10E07) I cracked open my laptop and stared blankly at the screen for a good 30 minutes trying to muster up the will to write four to five paragraphs that ranted and raved about how much I love Fatimanique.
Nothing came to me, so I cracked open a bible hoping that the good book would remove the hate from my heart, and grant me the ability to look past their demonic facades and love them like normal human beings should be loved.
It didn't work, so I cracked open a Stella Artois hoping that some Belgium malt liquor would provide me with the liquid strength necessary to force my mind into pretending I gave a crap about these two medieval gargoyles.
The article goes so far as to suggest that Tyra is going to leave the show in order to focus on her talk show, where she has booked mega guests such as presidential hopefuls Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.
*Hey, look! Us magazine says the rumors are untrue!
(S10E06) To be perfectly honest, I haven't paid a whole lot of attention to Aimee this season.
I mean look at her in the capture above. The waterfall or the buildings behind her have just as good a chance at capturing your attention as she does.
She's pretty nondescript to say the least and while she's a pretty girl and everything, she just hadn't done very much to stand out this season aside from profess her anxiety of being naked around other women. I'm not ashamed to admit I find that to be a turn-off.
(S10E05) We're down to 10 girls on this cycle of America's Next Top Model, and my strategy to root for the models I least want to win is in full effect.
I'm currently supporting Dominique and Fatima with the hopes that they make it to the final two and I have to admit it's really painful having to do this.
I cringe every time I hear Dominique refer to herself in the third person. I gag every time Fatima talks about how ghetto or stupid another girl is. I cringe and gag having any positive thoughts about them, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the models I really want to win.
(S10E04) I have a confession to make. I've developed a bit of a crush on Amis.
It's not the psychotic plant-a-GPS-transponder-on-her-car-and-stalk-her crush that you might see on an episode of Dateline or anything. I've simply grown fond of her goofy personality.She's got a real every-girl appeal about her and she's not the typical kind of model that you see coming on this show. I find her pretty refreshing. If Amis were to read this, I'm sure she'd find what I wrote slightly disturbing.
(S10E03) "Oh my God, I'm getting so annoyed with all of these girls!" - Allison
The full quote was too long to put here in the intro. Allison went on to say that she wants to strangle all of the other girls on regular basis and that she's not really threatened by any of them. Allison is convinced that she's light years ahead of everyone else thanks to all the experience she's had modeling in her lengthy 19 years of life.
While Allison is an extremely pretty girl, she's just got to go! The I'm-so-much-better-than-these-other-girls attitude she's been displaying since day one pretty much makes her the ugliest girl on the show, and that's saying a lot with Dominique still in the running. Can I get an "oh snap"?
Tyra Banks, star hostess of America's Next Top Model, will be back for cycles 11 and 12. One Tree Hill will be back for a sixth season; and Gossip Girl will start season two. Women, that all important 18-34 demographic, are faithful viewers for these three shows.
(S10E02) I'm still a bit shocked that Tyra went through all the trouble of opening up the competition to 14 girls this season and out of everyone she could have selected, she went with Dominique.
I mean, I admit that Dominique is a little bit exotic looking, but so were the baboons I saw the last time I went to the zoo. Umm, that came out wrong. That was horribly insulting to all the innocent baboons of the world. I take it back.
I kid, I kid. Dominique isn't that unattractive, I just don't think she was the right choice for this competition. It almost seems like the only reason she's there is so the judges can crack drag queen jokes about her all episode long.
(S10E01) It seems like only yesterday I was making fun of the "corpse bride" Jenah's slightly crooked teeth, and Victoria's all too annoying superiority complex during cycle 9 of America's Next Top Model.
While I'll miss the crazy group of girls we had last year, I'm absolutely thrilled that I've got a whole new group of people to poke fun at with cycle 10.
There are many TV shows that are a natural when it comes to making dolls and action figures for them: Lost, Heroes, Star Trek. Maybe even those bobbleheads of Dwight from The Office. But dolls for America's Next Top Model? That makes as much sense as a line of dolls for The McLaughlin Group ("I'll trade you my Pat Buchanan for the Eleanor Clift!"), but they're here, and they're scary.
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