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May 27, 2012

And I Quote

And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Aug 18th 2006 4:19PM

tom hell's kitchenThe TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:

  • "I am what I am...and I'm not a bad looking guy." -- Tom, on Hell's Kitchen.
  • "It feels like someone with a fever is yelling at my pants!" -- Hank, while drying his pants with the hand dryer on The Venture Bros.
  • "After posting an especially attractive picture of my prison-sculpted abs, she commented that I was not only 'foine', but 'teh sex'... whatever that means." -- The Monarch, explaining how he met his date on LiveJournal, on The Venture Bros.
  • "Hezbollah might be a ragtag group of undereducated extremist militiamen, but at least they're not FEMA." -- Correspondent John Oliver, regarding Lebanon's rebuilding efforts, on The Daily Show.
  • Krista: "She was dying!"
    Blade: "That's what humans do." -- Krista explains to Blade why she just had to turn her mother into a vampire, on Blade: The Series.
  • "Woah, that must be his alien voice ... sort of a mix between human and dolphin!" -- Josh (listening to a tape of Kyle XY's weird under-hypnosis mutters), on Kyle XY.
  • "Enough of these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf**ing plane." -- Samuel L. Jackson giving a script reading from his new movie to reporter Monica Novotny on Countdown with Keith Olbermann.
  • "Mike, we gotta find a new area to bury people, we've run outta run under the overpass. Anyway they got all that oil down there ... causes cancer, ya know?" -- Pete, on Brotherhood.

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And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Aug 11th 2006 3:44PM

The TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:

  • merrick turtle"How bad do you want me to be?" Lt. Provenza to Dep. Chief Brenda Johnson after she tells him they're going to play good cop, bad cop with a suspect, on The Closer.
  • "Then get yourself a badass summer-weight coat." -- Chen, after a leather-clad Blade gets after him for not fixing the Blademobile's air conditioning, on Blade: The Series.
  • "Oh, Rusty. You are never alone. Those stars -- well, okay, you can't see them right now 'cause we're in the city -- but those stars... they're always watching us!" -- Jonas The Alien, to Doc Venture, on The Venture Bros.
  • "Join the Army and spend your mid-life crisis in a real-life crisis." -- Jon Stewart, regarding the Army's new age limit, on The Daily Show.
  • "Trust me, they're top notch!" -- Ryan McPoyle, commenting on his sister's breasts, on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
  • "You will not mistake the newspaper man. He looks like a big turtle." -- Hearst, regarding A.W. Merrick, on Deadwood.
  • "This whole experience has given me a whole new skin on life." -- Virginia, on Hell's Kitchen.

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And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Aug 4th 2006 3:30PM

The TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:

  • rescue me"For every G.I. Joe we have, we have one Gomer Pyle and one Beetle Bailey." -- Jon Stewart, regarding the Army, on The Daily Show.
  • "Do I come off as gay? Because sometimes people call me 'bookish'... but I think that's code." -- Stephen Colbert, after the DC delegate asked about his sexual orientation, on The Colbert Report.
  • "If I'd a know what a murderous son of a bitch you'd turn out to be, I'd a killed you in my womb." -- Blade's mother speaking in a dream, on Blade: The Series.

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And I Quote: the best one-liners of the week

by Bob Sassone, posted Jul 14th 2006 2:26PM

mythbustersHere's this week's collection of quotes from new episodes we've been watching this week:
  • "He's like Dakota Fanning, with a dick." Ari, to Penny Marshall, about a kid actor he's trying to get Marshall to cast in a movie so he'll be away from his daughter, on Entourage.
  • "When I say 'f**k yourself' sheriff, will you put that down to drunkenness or a high estimate of your athleticism?" - Hearst, to Bullock, on Deadwood.
  • "Please please please please please please please please move your arses!!" - Chef Gordon Ramsay, to the contestants, on Hell's Kitchen.
  • "I don't give a f**k what color is it!" - Chef Ramsay, after he asks about a hair found in a dish sent out to a customer, on Hell's Kitchen.
  • "Apparently, E went into more than MC squared." - David Letterman, about Albert Einstein having two wives and two mistresses.
  • "Why, Thor the god of thunder is trying to enter my building!" - Adam, reacting to Jamie's loud magnet climb inside an air vent, on MythBusters.

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