(S11E02) I think the basic idea behind this episode is summed up by the "straight" priest at Camp New Grace when he informs the "confused" residents of the camp that they are like paper clips, and that like paper clips, God wants them to be straight, nevermind the fact that they were created "not straight" to begin with. At the end of the episode, Butters also sums it up nicely when he says, "I wasn't confused until everyone started telling me I was."

Hola, mi muchachos and muchachoettes! It is I, Schedule Boy, back from wherever the hell I was. I'm here this time to present a comprehensive list of upcoming season and series premieres and finales for you, my adoptive TV Squad family.

What a crazy season its been! Shows that had so much potential (The Nine, Studio 60) struggled to stay on the air, while others (Ugly Betty, Friday Night Lights, Jericho, 30 Rock) surprised us with their growing fan bases and popularity. Then there were shows like ER that made a sudden comeback and ones like Gilmore Girls and Scrubs that didn't seem to find their way for the first half of the season. Well, at least we could be confident that hits like Grey's Anatomy, American Idol, 24 and Lost would carry us through the season. Then again, maybe not. Like I said, crazy season.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy this fine presentation, presented in color with limited commercial interruption. You can find the list of premieres and finales (as well shows returning from hiatus) after the jump. Remember, dates are subject to change, so we'll be updating as time moves forward.

• Charlie Rose: Rep. John Tierney and author Kurt Andersen
• The Daily Show: Zbigniew Brzezinski
• The Colbert Report: Ed Viesturs
• The Late Show With David Letterman: Richard Gere and Aqualung
• Jay Leno: Michael Clarke Duncan and Finger Eleven
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Tori Spelling, Jensen Ackles, and Evanescence
• Tavis Smiley: Chris Brown and Common (repeat)
• Late Night With Conan O'Brien: Andy Richter and The Shins
• The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson: Virginia Madsen, David Steinberg, and Unwritten Law (repeat)
• Last Call With Carson Daly: Olivia Wilde and Peter Bjorn & John

• Charlie Rose: artist Chuck Close
• The Daily Show: John Waters
• The Colbert Report: Michael Eric Dyson
• The Late Show With David Letterman: Jeff Goldblum and The Good, The Bad and The Queen
• Jay Leno: Sandra Bullock, Andy Richter, and Evanescence
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Brad Garrett, Julian MacMahon, and Ted Nugent
• Tavis Smiley: P.J. O'Rourke and Audra McDonald (repeat)
• Late Night With Conan O'Brien: Chris Rock, Christopher Meloni, and Mary Weiss
• The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson: Peter O'Toole, Joely Fisher, and Dierks Bentley & The Grascals (repeat)
• Last Call With Carson Daly: Eric Roberts and Hellogoodbye

Reno's finest return to Comedy Central April 1 at 10:30 to finish off the fourth season of Reno 911!, the improvised comedy series created by and starring The State alumni Tom Lennon, Robert Ben Garrant and Kerri Kenney-Silver (along with Niecy Nash, Cedric Yarbrough, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Mary Birdsong and Carlos Alazraqui).

• Charlie Rose: Wynton Marsalis
• The Daily Show: Senator Christopher Dodd
• The Colbert Report: Nicholas Kristof
• The Late Show With David Letterman: Chris Rock, Sandra Oh, and Amy Winehouse
• Jay Leno: Mark Wahlberg, Brad Garrett, and My Chemical Romance
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Kate Walsh, Jackie Earle Haley, and Brian McKnight (repeat)
• Tavis Smiley: Penelope Cruz and James Longley (repeat)
• Late Night With Conan O'Brien: David Hyde Pierce, Kate Mara, and Dr. Dog
• The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson: Kid Rock, Hank Williams Jr. and Lynyrd Skynyrd (repeat)
• Last Call With Carson Daly: David Arquette and Warren Hayes

Following Reno 911! and the canceled Dog Bites Man comes yet another improvised comedy series for Comedy Central: Halfway Home. The new series stars Oscar Nunez, Jordan Black, Kevin Ruf, Regan Burns, Jessica Makinson and Octavia Spencer as residents of a halfway house who are trying to straighten themselves out, and not doing a very good job of it. Nunez and Ruf also serve as executive producers.

Just reading the description of The Stephen Colbert, a pork chop from Trio's Restaurant in Little Rock, Arkansas has me salivating like Pavlov's dog:

If you love freedom, and we know you do, you'll love this porkchop: a porterhouse cut pork chop marinated in an apple marinade, grilled, and covered with a South Carolina peach & ginger barbeque sauce served with Sweet Home black-eyed peas, chipotle-white cheddar mashed potatoes and sautéed Swiss chard.

Quick, name me five Middle Eastern comedians. Heck, name me one. Maybe you can think of some, but I can't. Hopefully that'll change after I watch The Axis of Evil Comedy Tour.

The Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, is a concert film featuring four comedians of Middle Eastern descent, and will have its TV premiere tonight at 10:00 p.m. on Comedy Central.

Comedians featured in the special include Maz Jobrani (The Knights of Prosperity), Ahmed Ahmed, Aron Kader and Dean Obeidallah. If you want a taste of some of these comedians, check out webisdoes of The Watch List over on Comedy Central's Motherload site, which features clips from the sets of various Middle Eastern comedians, plus sketches.

The Axis of Evil Comedy Tour will also re-air on March 13 at 10:00 p.m., and on March 14 at midnight.