Other Reality Shows

(S13E11) I love how Tyra Banks creates revisionist history on America's Next Top Model. Not only does she denounce Adrianne Curry's name, she now is ignoring the fact that Eva, who was 5' 6.5" won Cycle Three against "normal" sized models. That's an accomplishment.

This cycle's finale episode was less hectic than previous cycles because there were only two contestants, so the commercial, photoshoots, and model walks felt better paced. I like the concept, we should have final twos for the remaining seasons.

For the first time in a long time, I didn't mind if either Nicole or Laura won. Both took stunning photos.

So Simon Cowell and Sting are going at each other. Sting said some not-so-nice things about The X Factor , including "it's a preposterous show, and you have judges who have no recognizable talent apart from self-promotion...basically I was looking at televised karaoke." Cowell responded by saying: "Talking about these contestants being a bunch of karaoke no-hopers ... I thought it was pompous." Cowell invited Sting to come on the show.

So who's right? I assume Sting's comments would apply to American Idol too.

Right now, I'm watching the Hayes family of TLC's Table for 12 chat with Regis and Kelly. It's not the first time we've seen them lately; since the second season of their show premiered, they've been all over the talk landscape.

We're definitely seeing them a lot more than when the show's first season debuted; in fact, TLC seemed to premiere the story of the Hayeses, who have two sets of twins and a set of sextuplets, on the QT last March. The relatively soft launch was a bit of a mystery to me, given the network's love of multiples. I mean, these guys had Jon and Kate beat by a mile, right?

But now that I look back at it, there were two things keeping TLC from really pushing the Hayes family back then: 1) Betty and Eric Hayes actually liked each other (read: they're boringly happy) and 2) Jon and Kate were still a couple. Now that J&K have exploded into a toxic tabloid mess, TLC needed someone to promote, and the Hayes' relative happiness seemed to be the perfect antidote.

(S06E13) Project Runway's part one of their finale episodes are always boring. This episode was no exception. We learn more about the hopefuls' backgrounds, peek at their final collection, Tim critiques them, they come to New York, and get some bombshell in one form or another.

This year's bomb is recycled from season two: a last minute thirteenth piece with the help of an eliminated contestant. This time, the muse model picks their final model.

The first half of the show was all about watching Tim in awkward situations: struggling to use a freight elevator, baking biscuits, and interacting with dogs.

(S13E10) America's Next Top Model continues to chug along with its petite models. At this point, the girls are pigeon holed into their story lines: Nicole - the awkward one, Laura - the southern belle, Erin - the prissy high schooler, and Jen - the sweet girl with an eye problem. They basically repeat something that fits their storyline.

Though I haven't mentioned this until now, what is up with Jen having these overly loud, sugary interviews? Screaming "Why Me?" followed by her squealing excitement for Laura picking her. It's almost as if she knows that she was stunt-cast and decided to have a fun time before she got eliminated.

As much as I loved The Real Housewives of New Jersey, I knew that I was loving it for all the wrong reasons. I'm New Jersey all the way: born here, went to college here, have lived here all my life. About ten percent of the people I've met fit the yelling, lunkheaded Jersey stereotypes we've seen on TV since The Sopranos; what I don't understand is where reality TV's recent fascination has been with the louder residents of the Garden State.

First it was Housewives. Then it was Cake Boss, where Buddy Valastro and his crew scream and gesture so much it's a wonder how their cakes don't collapse in the oven. Even TLC's relatively gentle Masters of Reception seemed to highlight the more "Jersey" aspects of my home state.

Now we have Jersey Shore, an MTV reality series premiering December 3. It documents goings on last summer in a shore house with the "hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos," according to this particularly annoying promo:

I'm not sure what type of person would want to date Omarosa, one of the great villains in reality show history, but we're about to find out.

Donald Trump and Omarosa are teaming up (with TV One) for Omarosa's Ultimate Merger, which will have 12 guys competing in various challenges to see who wins her heart. Her cold, cold heart.

Trump will appear on the show too (of course) and it will be filmed at the Trump International Hotel and Tower in Las Vegas. Not sure I like the name though. It would be better if it was titled So You Want To Try To Date Omarosa or Who Wants To Date An Omarosa or Are You Smart Enough Not To Date Omarosa?

Actually, the best title for the show is unfortunately already taken: Shark Tank.

It was just a matter of time before Food Network showcased people who actually can't cook. On January 3, the new food competition show Worst Cooks in America will debut. The winner gets $25,000!

Just so we're clear, the winner doesn't get $25,000 for making worse food than their competitors. No, the show will put the contestants through a boot camp where they will learn to take their skills (which probably consist of boiling water for pasta and microwaving Boston Market frozen dinners) and actually become better cooks. The food will be judged by a panel of food experts (of course) and whoever is the most improved wins. The two chefs leading the teams will be Anne Burrell and Beau MacMillan.

Nothing says "holiday season" like tornadoes, ghosts and animal dung. So, Discovery Channel is running marathons of their reality shows to make the yuletide season gay.

The network's scheduling release states that Mythbusters, Deadliest Catch, Dirty Jobs, Storm Chasers and Ghost Lab will each get a turn offering guys something to watch while they undo their belts after the big meal (and while the ladies do the dishes).

Here's the programming slate for when you're not watching football or A Year without a Santa Claus:

Nov. 26: Thanksgiving Day: Mythbusters – 9 a.m. ET/PT – 3AM ET/PT
Nov. 27: Day after Thanksgiving: Deadliest Catch – 9 a.m. – 3 a.m.
Nov. 28: Dirty Jobs – 10 a.m. – 3 a.m.
Nov. 29: Storm Chasers – 1 p.m. – 3 a.m.

Dec. 24: Christmas Eve: Dirty Jobs – 9 a.m. – 3 a.m.
Dec. 25: Christmas Day: Mythbusters – 9 a.m. – 3 a.m.
Dec. 26: Deadliest Catch – 9 a.m. – 3 a.m.

Dec. 31: New Year's Eve: Ghost Lab – 10 a.m. – 3 a.m.
Jan. 1, 2010/New Year's Day: Mythbusters – 9 a.m. – 3 a.m.

Oprah Winfrey is all over the news these days as she fires up her new network and considers moving her talk show from Chicago to Los Angeles.

Now, we get to listen to her narrate the epic BBC nature series, Life. Subtitled by the BBC with, "The Definitive Exploration of the Adaptability and Diversity of Life on Earth," the eleven-part series examines evolution and the behaviors that animals devised to live, thrive and survive. Discovery Channel is bringing it your way in March after Oprah vocalizes a bit.

I know the BBC has done this sort of thing before. In fact, no one does it better. But this time around, they're using state-of-the-art high-definition filming techniques.

But why is Oprah necessary? I have nothing particularly against the woman. Despite her massive media pull, I manage to more or less steer clear of her estrogen fest. But, the BBC production comes pre-narrated with world-famous naturalist, Sir David Attenborough. Is over-dubbing necessary?

The only things I know about umami comes from those Kikkoman commecials, the ones that talk about umami being the fifth taste (after sweet, salty, sour, and bitter). Last night's Next Iron Chef was all about that, and they even had Iron Chef Morimoto as a judge.

What did you think? The show is down to its final three contestants. Can you picture one of them standing next to other Iron Chefs like Morimoto, Flay, Cora, Batali, and Symon in Kitchen Stadium?

Everybody's favorite singing newcomer, England's Susan Boyle, is going to appear on Dancing With the Stars this week. She will not be doing the samba or the quick step. Susan will be singing, promoting her upcoming CD, I Dreamed A Dream, in stores on November 24.

Luckily for Susan, Sharon Osbourne will not be on the show. Or maybe it's lucky for Sharon because after the horrible things she said about SB, Susan would probably deck her if she had the chance. Last week, while on Sirius radio, Sharon was compelled to share her opinion of Susan's sudden success.

The Ghost Hunters name is starting to rival CSI and Law & Order in the spinoff department. What else do all three of these franchises share? There's just as much hard paranormal evidence in the last two as appears in the first.

Please don't misunderstand me -- since I've gone off on this topic before. I'm not saying ghosts don't exist. I'm not saying there's no afterlife. I don't begrudge any scientific investigation into parapsychology or realms described as paranormal. I'd just like any of the endless march of "ghost-based" shows to dig up one scintilla of proof that they found something and, therefore, deserve to be on TV every week.

The latest entry is Syfy's Ghost Hunter's Academy -- sort of Most Haunted meets The Rookies from the 70s. Each week, ghost hunting "professors" (the show's conceit, not mine) Steve Gonsalves and Dave Tango welcome first-time paranormal investigators onto The Atlantic Paranormal Society (TAPS) team.

I don't actually watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but as I have a pulse and an internet connection, I am all to aware of housewife Kim Zolciak and her uh, club jam, "Tardy for the Party." For those of you who may not be totally up on the whole Atlanta saga, Kim is the one who's dating a married man named Big Papa and wears a wig, which she said was due to a battle with cancer-- until she admitted that she had never actually had cancer; she just thought she might one time until she actually went to the doctor.

So anyway, The Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion, hosted by Bravo exec Andy Cohen, is airing on Thursday, and part of the festivities involve Kim singing her "hit." You guys, there are two important items to note about this performance: 1) she has dancers and 2) she is not lip-synching.

Have you ever had a drunken friend or relative get up and sing a really inappropriate karaoke song, and you just smiled uncomfortably and prayed for it to be over quickly? This is like that-- except it is most definitely not over quickly.

(S13E09) We're down to the final five on America's Next Top Model and one thing that Top Model is doing better this season than Project Runway is capitalizing on their location. Sure, Laura may look like a tomato during interviews, but at least Hawaii is being represented through their beaches and sugarcane plantations.

This week's challenges were basically recycled from previous seasons. A falling challenge (similar to Season Six's Falling Fairytale photoshoot) and an underwater challenge (which was done in a pool in Season Two for Quench Water). Both proved to be more interesting because of the beautiful location.