AOL TV http://www.aoltv.com http://www.aoltv.com/media/feedlogo.gif AOL TV http://www.aoltv.com en-us Copyright 2012 Blogsmith, LLC. The contents of this headlines and excerpts feed are available for limited commercial distribution. You may repost this feed to your site provided you link back to the original story, do not edit the material, and do not remove this copyright notice. Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/ TV 101: The TV Watcher's Bill Of Rights http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/28/tv-101-the-tv-watchers-bill-of-rights/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/28/tv-101-the-tv-watchers-bill-of-rights/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/28/tv-101-the-tv-watchers-bill-of-rights/#comments Filed under: , , ,


Little known fact, the kid in this video wound up being the guy who robbed Kal Penn at gunpoint.Our congress has a cute way of handling problems. Instead of actually doing anything about them, what they do is pass a Something Something Bill of Rights.

For instance, when Spirit Airlines recently announced that they were going to charge for the use of overhead storage space on their airplanes (a prelude, of course, to their ultimate plan of stabbing each customer in the throat, then charging for tourniquets), Congress handled the problem by dredging up the old "Passenger's Bill of Rights" idea once again.

Now, some might criticize Congress by saying, "Passenger's Bill of Rights!? We don't even have the actual Bill of Rights on our side when we fly", but those people are missing the point: Bills of Rights only exist to take up space.

As it happens, taking up space is exactly what a columnist needs to do each week as well! So, today marks the beginning of a new series: the TV Watchers Bill of Rights!

Continue Reading]]> bill of rightsBillOfRightsfeaturednfl draftNflDraftratingsspirit airlinesSpiritAirlinestv 101tv watchersTv101TvWatchers Jay Black 2010-04-28T14:21:00+00:00 TV 101: The NFL Can Help the Internet Grow Up http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/21/tv-101-the-nfl-can-help-the-internet-grow-up/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/21/tv-101-the-nfl-can-help-the-internet-grow-up/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/21/tv-101-the-nfl-can-help-the-internet-grow-up/#comments Filed under: , , , , , ,


As American as Mom, Apple Pie, or convincing drunk girls at a Jets game to show you their boobs.Every culture has a coming-of-age ritual. The boys of the Amazon's Satere Mawe tribe aren't considered men until they've worn a glove filled with stinging ants. Among the American Nouveau-Riche tribe, you can't enter adulthood until a minor rap star comes to your sweet sixteen and performs for you in front of MTV cameras. Among my people, the Irish Americans, you can only achieve the full rights of adulthood after you've ruined a Thanksgiving dinner by getting drunk and fighting your father.

The internet is a teenager right now - you can tell because it's always angry and is totally obsessed with seeing Megan Fox naked. The internet needs to grow up with a coming-of-age ritual all its own. And, as much as I'd like to put a glove of stinging ants onto the hands of the people who call me a douche every week in the comments, there's only one real way for the internet to finally achieve adult status ...

Continue Reading]]> coming of ageComingOfAgeespnfeaturedfoxinternetmegan fox nakedMeganFoxNakednflreality-freetv 101Tv101 Jay Black 2010-04-21T11:02:00+00:00 TV 101: My Strange Hate For The Word-Of-Mouthers http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/14/tv-101-my-strange-hate-for-the-word-of-mouthers/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/14/tv-101-my-strange-hate-for-the-word-of-mouthers/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/14/tv-101-my-strange-hate-for-the-word-of-mouthers/#comments Filed under: , , , ,


That's what all married men look like. Get it, because he's blue? Shut up.'Treme' premiered this week, but I was traveling and couldn't watch it. My plan had been to use HBO Go, but apparently "high speed internet" in Nacogdoches, TX really is just a system of tubes in the ground. The only site I could reliably connect to was a wholesale belt-buckle emporium.

Not seeing the show isn't a worry; 2010 might not have flying cars, but damned if we don't have a plethora of options for watching a show we missed. I'll eventually find it online, on demand, or on one of the approximately 419 identical HBOs that all have different names for some reason.

The only real worry I have is that if I wait too long to watch 'Treme', it'll be 'Friday Night Lights', 'The Wire' or 'Arrested Development' all over again. I'm scared that the word-of-mouthers will find out I'm not watching and they'll start annoying the living hell out of me.

Continue Reading]]> arrested developmentArrestedDevelopmentbreaking badBreakingBadfeaturedfriday night lightsFridayNightLightsmad menMadMenreality-freethe wireTheWiretremetv 101Tv101word-of-mouthword-of-mouther Jay Black 2010-04-14T11:02:00+00:00 TV 101: Podcasts That Could Be TV Shows http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/08/tv-101-podcasts-that-could-be-tv-shows/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/08/tv-101-podcasts-that-could-be-tv-shows/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/08/tv-101-podcasts-that-could-be-tv-shows/#comments Filed under: , , , , ,


Aceman looking dapper. And by dapper I mean Do you know why stand-up comics have so many lame jokes about flying? It's because we spend so much (expletive deleted) time on (expletive deleted) planes. (My own lame joke about flying involves overweight people next to you: "So much of her was on me that we hit turbulence and I technically cheated on my wife.")

That much time in coach turns your brain into pudding - you need a crutch to get you through it. I've turned into a podcast junkie. At any given time of the day or night, I'm probably flying over you, listening to some guy in his basement rant about the whether the "Blackest Night" event is good or bad for the DC universe.

I'm like an awkward, misshapen George Clooney from 'Up in the Air.' Except instead of hot sex with Vera Farmiga, I'm snuggling with Leo Laporte.

After all this podcast listening (not to mention the success of the 'Ricky Gervais Show'), it occurred to me that a few of my favorites would make excellent TV shows.

Continue Reading]]> adam carollaAdamCarollabill simmonsBillSimmonsfeaturedmarc maronMarcMaronpocastingpodcaststv 101Tv101 Jay Black 2010-04-08T10:02:00+00:00 TV 101: Let's Make TV Like a Soccer League (Or: How To Make Trololo A Network Show!) http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/01/tv-101-lets-make-tv-like-a-soccer-league-or-how-to-make-trol/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/01/tv-101-lets-make-tv-like-a-soccer-league-or-how-to-make-trol/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/04/01/tv-101-lets-make-tv-like-a-soccer-league-or-how-to-make-trol/#comments Filed under: , , , , ,


Did I add a picture of Firefly to this post to make you read it? Possibly. But it also tangetially connects to the content, so please don't judge too harshly.I get YouTube videos emailed to me five or six times a day. It's gotten to the point where I've just created a canned response that says, "LOL! You were right, that was hilarious!" It makes the senders happy and keeps me sane.

It's not that I don't love my friends and relatives, I'm just tired of being burned by subpar 'AFV' clips masquerading as the new hotness of internet memes. As I get older and my time becomes more precious, I really don't want suggestions from friends - what I want is qualified editors making decisions for me.

The problem is that as media further fractures and democratizes, it gets harder and harder to find the good stuff. Thus, the more a company helps me find the good stuff, the more I'm inclined to stay with that company.

To that end, I've got an idea that'll be win all around for everybody: the Big Four Networks should adopt a league system, just like soccer.

Continue Reading]]> abccbscrazy ideasCrazyIdeasfeaturedfireflyfoxleaguesnbcSoccertierstv 101 Jay Black 2010-04-01T16:07:00+00:00 TV 101: Canaries In The Mineshaft (Pt. 1) - When Characters Become Caricatures http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/26/tv-101-canaries-in-the-mineshaft-pt-1-when-characters-beco/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/26/tv-101-canaries-in-the-mineshaft-pt-1-when-characters-beco/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/26/tv-101-canaries-in-the-mineshaft-pt-1-when-characters-beco/#comments Filed under: , , , , , , ,


Sometimes I feel like doing this to MY TV, but I'm married.One of my least favorite internet memes is the race among people who frequent TV blogs to be the first one to comment that a show has "jumped the shark." I'll take a busload of LOLCATS and Epic Beard Men if it means that I won't have to see "JTS!" four minutes into a show's pilot episode.

That said, the fact that JTS has been defanged by ubiquity doesn't take away from its ability to be a useful tool for analyzing pop-culture. Shows tend to weaken over time and the JTS moment is a fun way to decide where, exactly, the wheels came off.

In thinking about JTS, it occurred to me that there are a few warning signs that a show is about to jump. Today I'll be looking at the first in a series of canaries in the mineshaft: when characters become caricatures.

Continue Reading]]> Canaries in the mineshaftCanariesInTheMineshaftfeaturedHappy DaysHappyDaysHouseJumped the SharkJumpedTheSharkModern Familyseven princes of hellSevenPrincesOfHellThe OfficeThe SimpsonsTheOfficeTheSimpsonsTV 101Tv101 Jay Black 2010-03-26T11:21:00+00:00 TV 101: Goofus And Gallant, TV-Style http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/17/tv-101-goofus-and-gallant-tv-style/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/17/tv-101-goofus-and-gallant-tv-style/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/17/tv-101-goofus-and-gallant-tv-style/#comments Filed under: , , , , , ,


Goofus and Gallant and ulcers and the dentistI was recently surprised to learn that not only is 'Highlights Magazine' still being published, it actually owns the domain name highlights.com (which you would think would have gone to something far more profitable than a magazine - a hair care products link farm, perhaps).

'Highlights' was one of the few pleasures of my childhood trips to the dentist's office, the others being the toy at the end of the visit and a dentist who had a very liberal nitrous policy. Every six months, I spent an hour split between enjoying the games and puzzles in 'Highlights' and burning a hole through my stomach-lining with dentist-inspired fear.

One feature of 'Highlights' that always stood out to me was "Goofus and Gallant": a teaching aid using two brothers, one of whom always did everything wrong - Goofus - and one who always did everything right - Gallant.

Since most TV executives are like children anyway, I figured the "Goofus and Gallant" model would be ideal to teach them a few things about how to improve their product.

Continue Reading]]> californicationcommunityfamily tiesFamilyTiesfeaturedgoofus and gallantGoofusAndGallanthighlightslostsmallvilletom hanksTomHankstv101two and a half menTwoAndAHalfMen Jay Black 2010-03-17T14:03:00+00:00 TV 101: How 'Lost' Is Like a Loveless Marriage http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/10/tv-101-how-lost-is-like-a-loveless-marriage/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/10/tv-101-how-lost-is-like-a-loveless-marriage/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/10/tv-101-how-lost-is-like-a-loveless-marriage/#comments Filed under: , , , ,


Yeah, that's pretty much what being married feels like.For a lot of 'Lost' fans, the only numbers that really matter anymore are 5, 23, and 10 - May 23rd of this year, the Dharma Train finally pulls into the station and we'll find out once and for all whether the writers knew what they were doing.

It's almost a certainty that you're going to be disappointed. Had the show ended during its second or third season, I would have stocked up on flashlights, canned goods, and pornography to wait out the riots that surely would have followed some lame "not all questions are meant to be answered" kind of ending.

I'm not worried now because that kind of car-tipping passion just isn't there anymore. For most fans, this last season marked the moment when our relationship with 'Lost' stopped being a love affair and started being a loveless marriage.

Continue Reading]]> 24erfeaturedgilmore girlsGilmoreGirlslostloveless marriageLovelessMarriagethe officeTheOfficetv 101Tv101 Jay Black 2010-03-10T11:02:00+00:00 TV 101: How Keith Olbermann And Glenn Beck Eat Your Soul http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/03/tv-101-how-keith-olbermann-and-glenn-beck-eat-your-soul/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/03/tv-101-how-keith-olbermann-and-glenn-beck-eat-your-soul/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/03/03/tv-101-how-keith-olbermann-and-glenn-beck-eat-your-soul/#comments Filed under: , , , , ,


Are these the two most evil people in America? Trick question: they aren't human!America, we need to talk.

There was a time when you were my favorite country in the world. Sure, you invented the Snuggie and insisted on airing multiple shows about making cakes for some reason, but you were always pretty stable. Well, that's changed and I think I know why.

You're addicted, America. You're addicted to something more insidious than nicotine or cocaine or Pokémon: you're addicted to Opinion Based News Shows.

Don't deny it! I've seen the signs! What started as an innocent attempt to have more talking points at parties has begun to rage out of control. Sometimes it seems you can't even make a move without a little taste of Keith or Glenn just to get you "right".

Well, I'm not going to watch my friend go down without a fight. This is your wake-up call America. This is your intervention.

Continue Reading]]> addictionanderson cooperAndersonCooperbill oreillyBillOreillycampbell brownCampbellBrownfeaturedglenn beckGlennBeckinterventionkeith olbermannKeithOlbermannrachel maddowRachelMaddowthe end of the world as we know itTheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowItTV 101Tv101 Jay Black 2010-03-03T14:02:00+00:00 TV 101: Wouldn't it be nice if HBO grew a pair? http://www.aoltv.com/2010/02/24/tv-101-wouldnt-it-be-nice-if-hbo-grew-a-pair/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/02/24/tv-101-wouldnt-it-be-nice-if-hbo-grew-a-pair/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/02/24/tv-101-wouldnt-it-be-nice-if-hbo-grew-a-pair/#comments Filed under: , , , , , , , , , ,


Last week, HBO launched a new service called "HBO Go". If you subscribe to the network through your cable system, you can now access a deep offering of its content - about 600 hours so far - on your computer.

As soon as the average hotel wireless speed improves from "AOL 1997" to something more akin to what I have at home, HBO Go is going to make my life on the road much less boring. Goodbye drinking myself to sleep at the Des Moines Holiday Inn! Hello 'Entourage'! (And , uh, drinking myself to sleep).

Happy as I am about the new service, ever since it was announced something has really been pissing me off: The way HBO Go is currently configured helps the cable companies screw over their customers.

Continue Reading]]> bored to deathBoredToDeathcable companiesCableCompaniesentouragefeaturedhbohbo goHboGotoilet waterToiletWatertriple playTriplePlay Jay Black 2010-02-24T11:01:00+00:00 TV 101: 'American Idol' and the TV Truth Gap http://www.aoltv.com/2010/02/17/tv-101-american-idol-and-the-tv-truth-gap/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/02/17/tv-101-american-idol-and-the-tv-truth-gap/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/02/17/tv-101-american-idol-and-the-tv-truth-gap/#comments Filed under: , , , ,


Simon CowellCalm down, Grandma: Howard Stern won't be replacing Simon Cowell on 'American Idol'. Like every other inspired Hollywood idea, I'm sure someone in a $500 vintage t-shirt is having one of his interns draft a memo to kill it right now.

The controversy surrounding the rumor that Stern might be replacing Simon wasn't shocking: denouncing Stern as a politically incorrect vulgarian is one of the few things liberals and conservatives can still do together. (It was actually kind of fun seeing them agree on something, like when an elderly couple holds hands).

The more interesting thing about the Stern rumor is what it reveals about our TV landscape. Because the next logical question is this:

If not Stern, then who?


Continue Reading]]> american idolAmericanIdolfeaturedhoward sternHowardSternidolJudgesojobblayssimon cowellSimonCowelltruth Jay Black 2010-02-17T11:05:00+00:00 TV 101: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love 'Jersey Shore' http://www.aoltv.com/2010/02/10/tv-101-how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-jersey-shore/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/02/10/tv-101-how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-jersey-shore/ http://www.aoltv.com/2010/02/10/tv-101-how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-jersey-shore/#comments Filed under: , , , , ,


This is how the world ends, This is how the world ends, This is how the world endsI have a lot of irrational fears: nuclear war, CHUDS, whatever the dark magic is that keeps Jeremy Piven's hairline in place ... the list is long and varied.

Ever since I saw the movie 'Contact', I've been afraid that the TV we pump into space is being watched by aliens far more advanced than we are. Imagine all that garbage floating up into the ether, being judged not by bloggers armed with keyboards and snarky bon mots, but by ETs armed with Gunstars and Death Blossoms.

Who knows what aliens might make of our current TV landscape? What if an alien culture used sophomoric double entendres to make declarations of war? In that scenario, it would take just a single episode of 'Two and a Half Men' to end the human race.

Even if the aliens understood what we were saying, most of what passes for entertainment doesn't make us look good - we've become a world obsessed with karaoke and sex rehab, mostly. In fact, there's only one show on TV today that I'd actually WANT aliens to see ...

Continue Reading]]> aliensfeaturedjersey shoreJerseyShoremtvrealityreality tvRealityTvthe last starfighterTheLastStarfightertv 101Tv101 Jay Black 2010-02-10T15:02:00+00:00 TV 101: Do we have more TV channels than we do TV talent? http://www.aoltv.com/2009/07/15/tv-101-do-we-have-more-tv-channels-than-we-do-tv-talent/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/07/15/tv-101-do-we-have-more-tv-channels-than-we-do-tv-talent/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/07/15/tv-101-do-we-have-more-tv-channels-than-we-do-tv-talent/#comments Filed under: , , , , ,


Geico CavemenIn the 90s, one of the most popular (and annoying) memes that circulated through the geekier magazines was that we were only a few years away from having "500 channels" on our cable systems. Unlike most tech predictions, this one actually came true. Sure, it took 1200% longer than they thought it would, but that's still pretty good considering most of the stuff Wired talked about in the 90s was made up by the editorial staff after downing a couple of those schizophrenia-inducing Transformers 2 pot brownies.

Having recently installed Verizon Fios, I've spent the last few months ignoring my wife and young son so I could explore what the 500 channel landscape looks like. Like Charlton Heston in the Forbidden Zone, I was shirtless, on horseback, and ready to uncover some sad truths about the world.

Here's the question I've come back with: what if there isn't enough talent for humanity to adequately fill 500 channels?

Continue Reading]]> according to jimAccordingToJimCavemenfeaturedmy mother the carMyMotherTheCartalent peakTalentPeakthe flying nunTheFlyingNunTV 101Tv101 Jay Black 2009-07-15T14:05:00+00:00 TV 101: How ESPN controls the world and what the other networks can learn from it http://www.aoltv.com/2009/07/03/tv-101-how-espn-controls-the-world-and-what-the-other-networks/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/07/03/tv-101-how-espn-controls-the-world-and-what-the-other-networks/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/07/03/tv-101-how-espn-controls-the-world-and-what-the-other-networks/#comments Filed under: , , , ,


ESPN is like the borg, only with more bald people.You're about to become a soccer fan.

I know you don't believe me. Hell, I'm not sure I believe me. After all, America has resisted soccer for going on 150 years. Crapping on soccer ranks right up there with eating horrible chain-restaurant food and producing slobs-versus-snobs camp movies as a quality that define us as Americans.

Further, you've heard this claim before: the "Grab your shin guards, soccer is about to be a hit in the US of A!" column has been written approximately 2.8 million times since the early '70s. Every time a new soccer league starts in this country, everyone rushes to be the first to write that America is about to become Uruguay North.

And yet, those leagues invariably crash and burn, WNBA-style. So what makes this time any different? Why will we finally care about something that we've gone out of our way to not care about for so long? What force is powerful enough to make that happen?

The most powerful force in the universe: ESPN.

Continue Reading]]> contraespnfeaturedglobal dominationGlobalDominationsoccertv 101Tv101 Jay Black 2009-07-03T11:04:00+00:00 TV 101: Three reasons why I loved Artie Lange's complete dismantling of Joe Buck http://www.aoltv.com/2009/06/17/tv-101-three-reasons-why-i-loved-artie-langes-complete-dismant/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/06/17/tv-101-three-reasons-why-i-loved-artie-langes-complete-dismant/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/06/17/tv-101-three-reasons-why-i-loved-artie-langes-complete-dismant/#comments Filed under: , , , , , ,


Artie LangeMonday night, Artie Lange went on Joe Buck's awful new show Joe Buck Live and did to him what Keyser Soze did to the Hungarian gang in The Usual Suspects.

If you didn't see it, let me tell you this much: Artie didn't kill the show; it was already dead when he got there. What he did was the equivalent of finding a dead squirrel (with awful, frat-boy hair), filling it full of firecrackers, then cackling gleefully as the guts rained down onto Jason Sudeikis and Paul Rudd.

Artie Lange's appearance on Joe Buck Live was boorish, crude, mean-spiritied, and blatantly homophobic. It was the kind of thing that'll probably end the career of the poor person who booked him on the show.

It's also something that we need a hell of a lot more of...

Continue Reading]]> artie langeArtieLangefeaturedhoward sternHowardSternjason sudeikisJasonSudeikisjoe buckJoeBuckpaul ruddPaulRuddtv 101Tv101 Jay Black 2009-06-17T19:03:00+00:00 TV 101: Could a woman get as fat as Jason Segel and eight other intriguing questions http://www.aoltv.com/2009/05/27/tv-101-could-a-woman-get-as-fat-as-jason-segel-and-eight-other/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/05/27/tv-101-could-a-woman-get-as-fat-as-jason-segel-and-eight-other/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/05/27/tv-101-could-a-woman-get-as-fat-as-jason-segel-and-eight-other/#comments Filed under: , , ,


Coud this picture be any more perfect for this TV 101? I didn't think so.One of the joys of being a blogger is all the comments we receive. Once you weed out the personal threats, the discussions of your stupidity, the prayers to various gods that you get struck by a particularly painful STD, and the calls for you to be fired, you're actually left some solid contributions to the online discussion.

With that in mind, I've decided to turn this week's column over to you guys, a collection of commenters that I think I can say without hyperbole is the greatest collection of commenters in the history of the known universe. I've put together nine questions about TV that I'd love for you to answer. Don't feel like you have to answer them all: choose which ones are most interesting to you and then have at it.

I'm anxious to hear your opinions, so let's get to it...

Continue Reading]]> American IdolAmericanIdolBill SimmonsBillSimmonsFatfeaturedJason SegelJasonSegelSimonTV 101Tv101 Jay Black 2009-05-27T15:02:00+00:00 TV 101: Arise, Serpentor, Arise! http://www.aoltv.com/2009/05/04/tv-101-arise-serpentor-arise/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/05/04/tv-101-arise-serpentor-arise/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/05/04/tv-101-arise-serpentor-arise/#comments Filed under: , , ,


I've got two for this one: 1) This, I command! Or 2) Cobra LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaGenerally speaking, if your doctor is wearing purple pants, metal studded suspenders, a blue cape, and no shirt, it's probably best to regard him with a healthy degree of suspicion. Cobra Commander learned this the hard way at the start of the second season of G.I. Joe, when his own shirtless, cape-wearing science officer, Dr. Mindbender, usurped his authority by crafting the ultimate COBRA leader: Serpentor.

Serpentor was grown out of genetic gumbo: by taking the DNA of history's greatest leaders and mixing them all together, Mindbender hoped to create the perfect ruler (or at least one that didn't always call him "Fender-Bender.")

Alas, as is so often the case, Mindbender's plan was thrown off when he was forced to substitute Sun Tzu's DNA with that of professional wrestler Sgt. Slaughter. Because of this, Serpentor was cursed with impatience, a fatal flaw G.I. Joe was able to use against him time and time again.

Even though Mindbender failed with his Serpentor, creating the "Serpentor of [insert profession here]" is still one of my favorite games...

Continue Reading]]> gi joeGiJoeserpentortv 101Tv101writers Jay Black 2009-05-04T14:03:00+00:00 TV 101: Dear Jay - Eight e-mails answered http://www.aoltv.com/2009/04/15/tv-101-dear-jay-eight-e-mails-answered/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/04/15/tv-101-dear-jay-eight-e-mails-answered/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/04/15/tv-101-dear-jay-eight-e-mails-answered/#comments Filed under: , , ,


From what I've seen in direct to video comedies, it's a good idea NOT to get your tie caught in one of these.As a member of the media elite, I tend to run in some pretty impressive circles. Some days it's a Yankees game with Lorne Michaels, Fergie, and Jason Hervey. Others, it's World of Warcraft with Michael Keaton and Val Kilmer (hint for dealing with those two: do NOT wonder aloud who the best Batman of the '90s was).

Obviously, writing a bi-weekly column that has readership literally in the hundreds carries with it a lot of perks. But it's not all fun and games. My place as America's foremost pop culture commentator ("It's like Chuck Klosterman and Andy Warhol had a baby!" reads the blurb I'll ask my editor to put on my book should I ever write one) means that my inbox is constantly being spammed by other members of the media asking for advice.

Instead of answering those emails privately, like good manners and the explicit instructions of many of the emails demand, I figured I'd share both the emails and their answers with you, my loyal readers...

Continue Reading]]> american idolAmericanIdolbattlestar galacticaBattlestarGalacticacougaremailfeaturedfoxglen beckGlenBeckkal pennKalPennryan seacrestRyanSeacrest Jay Black 2009-04-15T14:32:00+00:00 TV 101: Thirteen undeniable truths about TV http://www.aoltv.com/2009/04/01/tv-101-13-undeniable-truths-about-tv/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/04/01/tv-101-13-undeniable-truths-about-tv/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/04/01/tv-101-13-undeniable-truths-about-tv/#comments Filed under: , , ,


I could have gone with a lot of pictures, but I figured a hot cylon was the way to go.Some things you never wanted to know about me, but that I'm going to tell you anyway: I'm 32 years old, 6'3" tall, and I weigh 235 hairy, pasty pounds. I have a weak chin and very strong glasses. I'm not balding (yet!) but I've got a head reminiscent of The Leader from the Incredible Hulk comics. Seriously, in a pinch, Sully Sullenburger could land a jet on my forehead.

Looking at myself in the mirror after a shower the other day, I came to some realizations. I'll probably never play in the NBA. It's doubtful that a woman will ever use me Brad-Pitt-in-Thelma-and-Louise style. Should my comedy career catch fire, it will be more Ray Romano than Dane Cook.

These are the facts and they are undisputed.

In the spirit of my heartbreaking realizations, I figured I'd list some of the sad (but undeniable) truths about television ...

Continue Reading]]> American IdolAmericanIdolbattlestar galacticaBattlestarGalacticaconservative biasConservativeBiasfeaturedliberal biasLiberalBiaspoliticssaturday night liveSaturdayNightLivesimpsonsTV 101Tv101 Jay Black 2009-04-01T11:05:00+00:00 TV 101: Why we need public figures who lie to us (and how TV screws that up!) http://www.aoltv.com/2009/03/11/tv-101-why-we-need-public-figures-who-lie-to-us-and-how-tv-scr/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/03/11/tv-101-why-we-need-public-figures-who-lie-to-us-and-how-tv-scr/ http://www.aoltv.com/2009/03/11/tv-101-why-we-need-public-figures-who-lie-to-us-and-how-tv-scr/#comments Filed under: , , ,


I am so gonna ponder the hell out of you!Because I tend to hang out with mostly hobos and philosophy majors, about 90% of my conversations wind up in hypotheticals about the kind of superpower I would most want. While I don't yet have an answer to that worked out, I have figured out the superpower I would least want: mind reading.

Think about just how awful it would be to read another person's thoughts:

You would know for certain that your wife fantasizes about other people in bed (probably your friends). You would know for sure that your father doesn't brag to his friends about the $110 a month you make as a semi-professional blogger. You would know just exactly what websites your husband is looking at with the "private browsing" function turned on in Safari (and you would be blinded by them).

It would be horrible. And that's just the kind of world TV is making for us.

Continue Reading]]> and the lying liars who tell themAndTheLyingLiarsWhoTellThemclintonfeaturedlewinskyliesrush limRushLimtv 101tv newsTv101TvNews Jay Black 2009-03-11T10:02:00+00:00