What You'll Need: A souped-up Phantom of the Opera mask that you've painted to match your skin tone and drawn a mustache on. Slicked-back hair, a gravely voice and a toy sniper rifle. Carrying around a bottle of booze you've made to look like bootleg whiskey may help drive the point home.

Optional Accessories: A sketch of yourself without the mask, which was drawn by your boss' wife that you totally don't have a crush on. Also, a scrapbook of happy looking families that you've cut out of newspapers and advertisements, just in case you want to be the biggest bummer possible at your Halloween party.