If you're anything like me (first of all, you have my deepest sympathy), you haven't been able to sit still since The Daily Show and The Colbert Report went off the air for the holidays. It also may be because my body has absorbed more sugary fat from the holidays than one of Tyler Durden's homemade soaps.

Both shows returned to the airwaves Monday with new episodes. Both also had cable news celebrity cameos so big, no lightning fast news ticker announcing an accidental nuclear missile launch could draw your attention away from them.

The Daily Show returned with another appearance by CNN's gray-haired uber-anchor Anderson Cooper and an interesting interview with new Meet the Press moderator David Gregory. The Colbert Report picked up former Hannity and Colmes pushover Alan Colmes and wound things up with an interview with CNN reporter John King.

Once again I'm forced to ask the question, what the hell is going on here? Have we entered the bizarro world? Is up now down? Has black become white? Did police arrest PGA golfer John Daly for shooting himself in the leg with an unlicensed handgun in a crowded hip-hop club, and the NRA award Plaxico Burres their Humanitarian of the Year award?

Fox News has announced their replacement for the outgoing Alan Colmes, the liberal ying to Sean Hannity's conservative yang on their self-titled debate show: it's Sean Hannity.

He's doing the show all by himself, so finally he has someone worthy of debating him. Stephen Colbert's "Formidable Opponent" will never be funny again.