(S05E08) "I've come to reclaim my territory, Superfly." - Nancy to Andy, who's turned her room into a 1960s crash pad

First of all, for some reason, I find Alanis Morissette completely annoying as the doctor. I don't know if she's just boring or whether it's because she was mean to Andy: "You're unemployed, you're closer to 40 than 30, you drive a car from a TV show, and your greatest recent accomplishment was beating the upside-down kill screen in Ms. Pacman."

The only upside of her and Andy's date is that it got him to shave that ridiculous Geico caveman beard off. I really appreciate seeing his face again.

I also love the little vignettes at the beginning of each ep with the opening credits. Tonight's featured a file drawer with a "Weeds" file and a "Jenji Kohan" file. I also picked out a "Power of Attorney" file, which came into play later in the episode.

(S05E07) "We have to get the fuck out of here right now. These people bludgeon innocent golfers for sport." - Shane to Nancy

Oh my gosh. There were so many funny scenes and quotes in this episode of Weeds, I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with Shane, who surely is the smartest kid on TV right now. When Nancy had him look up the mysterious woman (Zuzao) in Esteban's life on Wikipedia, Shane's translations were spot on:

• Sole heir to a vast telecommunications company: "media manipulator"
• On the Board of the Mexican Stock Exchange: "inside trader"
• Philanthropist: "tax evader"

I mean, really. I'm not sure how old Shane is -- I'm sure one of you will tell me -- but that's darn smart for a kid of any age.

(S05E05) "These are very dark waters you're swimming in, even for you." - Andy to Nancy

Well, hmmm ... just when we all thought Nancy had gone completely over the edge and was unredeemable, she brings it back a little and becomes a mom again. ("I can't live like this anymore! Shane was a good kid! Now he's robbing his teacher!").

So she makes Shane go apologize for shaking down his English teacher (hey, the guy deserved it for driving off with Shane's weed) and shooting his bird. And then she goes all mama-bear by cutting off the teacher's air supply after he pushes Shane down.

The guy's a jerk. Give Shane back his weed! I'm sorry the bird got caught in the crossfire, though. I'm sure no birds were harmed in the making of this episode.

'One Tree Hill' newlyweds Lucas and Peyton are taking a permanent honeymoon.

Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton, whose characters were hitched on Monday's episode, are leaving the show after next week's season finale, reportedly due to failed contract negotiations.

In other news, Fox has renewed 'Lie to Me,' Alanis Morissette is fired up to do some "tasteful nudity" on 'Weeds,' and Starz is going to keep 'Party' going.

See more of today's TV headlines, casting scoops and premiere dates after the jump.

It seems that the show NBC hoped would revive the variety show format was getting an autopsy before it even had a chance to get off of the operating table.

E! Online reports that Rosie O'Donnell said her live variety show, the cleverly named Rosie Live, won't make it past the first episode, or as she so cutely wrote on her web site, "there will b no more."

The one and only episode of Rosie's return from TV purgatory was dismal, to say the least. Friday's Wednesday's episode only drew 5 million viewers, despite the appearance of high profile celebrities like Alec Baldwin, Alanis Morissette and Ne-Yo to help them forget the fact that they were watching a show where Rosie O'Donnell is the star.

Once upon a time the airwaves were filled with TV variety shows. There were stars like Sonny and Cher and Donny and Marie, and further back, The Ed Sullivan Show and The Carol Burnett Show.

Well, Rosie O'Donnell remembers that kind of TV entertainment, and she thinks it's what America wants now. As Bob reported not long ago, NBC is giving her an hour to see if anyone agrees, the night before Thanksgiving, November 26, from 9-10 p.m. ET, Rosie Live will air live from the Shubert Theater in New York.

The news today is that Rosie has booked Ne-Yo and Alanis Morissette to provide the musical portion of the program. The plans for the rest of the hour include a topical monologue, which Rosie should have no problem pulling off because she did one every day on her daytime talk show.

Singer Alanis Morissette has signed on to guest star in three episodes of the FX drama Nip/Tuck. During her run she will play the lesbian girlfriend of Dr. Liz Cruz (Roma Maffia). The show itself, which recently kicked off its fourth season on FX, has already included guest stars Larry Hagman and Kathleen Turner into its story lines.

While now known primarily as a signer singer, Alanis is no stranger to television. Back in 2000 she guest-starred on HBO's Sex and the City where she shared an on-screen kiss with Sarah Jessica Parker during a game of spin the bottle. Recently she's been seen on American Dreams and Degrassi: The Next Generation.

And, of course, how can we forget that her career began on a little known show called You Can't Do That on Television, which was a staple on Nickelodeon for the longest time. I wonder if she got slimed at any time during her tenure on the show.

Related:
Rosie O'Donnell starring in a Nip/Tuck spin off?
Nip/Tuck lines up celebrity guests for next season