AmericanIdolAuditions

Alright, everyone! It seems like just moments ago that Kris Allen was crowned the new American Idol, but now he and runner-up Adam Lambert are old news. It's time to find the next superstar. This is going to be a big season: It's the first one without Paula, the first one with Ellen, and the last one with Simon. So let's just sit back, relax, and enjoy some auditions!

We start out with a look back at last season, and I'm sure Kara DioGuardi loves the fact that they're opening up with her ripping her dress off onstage with The Bikini Girl. Ryan talks about Paula leaving and shows a clip of Ellen announcing that she'll be the new judge. She looks so cute and excited! I can't wait for her to get on the live episodes. For now, however, we have guest judge Victoria Beckham. Am I the only one who forgets that she talks? I'm just so used to her posing, hearing her voice freaks me out.

I'm not a giant fan of guest judges on American Idol. I don't mind when musicians come in during the later rounds to mentor the contestants, but guest judges during auditions just kind of throw off the dynamic of the judging. However, recent judges like Kristen Chenoweth and Neil Patrick Harris are awesome enough that I totally don't mind them showing up. Avril Lavigne and Katy Perry? Well, that's an entirely different story.

FOX has announced that the "I Kissed a Girl" singer will be guest-judging the final two days of the Los Angeles auditions along with Lavigne, who from what I remember from 2003, is an angry Canadian. If I was asked to think of two people that I would enjoy watching less, I would be hard-pressed to come up with anyone. Wait, okay. Heidi and Spencer Pratt would be worse, but that's just a given, right?

For this edition of American Idol, the crew traveled to New York City and San Juan, Puerto Rico. One of my favorite things about the auditions is seeing the expressions on the judges' faces – when they're witnessing true talent and also when they're being tortured by the voice of the devil.

Despite the distracting bobbing boat behind the judges (and a guy ON the boat at one point!), I tried to keep focused on the auditions in New York City. Let's get to it:

Adeola Adegoke, 19. She sang "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going," and she's so sure of her singing abilities that she quit her job. Bad move. Simon calls the audition "shockingly bad" and then calls her former boss to try and get her job back. Thank goodness it works. Adeola is going back to her day job instead of flying to Hollywood.

American Idol went to Churchill Downs in Louisville, Kentucky, to find the best of the best in The Bluegrass State. Let's see if I've got the pronunciation correct: Loo-a-vulle. Is that it? You Southerners chime in here.

Let's see who stood in front of the judges tonight:

Tiffany Shedd, 18. This girl strolls in with all the confidence in the world, which is a dead tip-off that she's going to suck. And she doesn't disappoint. She sucks bad. And with her platinum blonde hair and weird powder-blue eyeshadow, she looks like a tranny. I'm still wondering, actually. Anyway, she tries singing Mariah Carey's "Hero," and Simon says she's like a donkey in a crowd of 22 horses. Needless to say, she doesn't get a golden ticket. She leaves, muttering, "They're not looking for talent. They're looking for nerds and freaks."

Joanna Pacitti, 23. Kara recognizes Joanna, because she had a record deal with A&M Records. But it didn't work out for whatever reason. A little bit country, a little bit rock-and-roll, Joanna sings Pat Benatar's "We Belong." Paula immediately proclaims her "worthy." Joanna bursts into tears as she grabs that golden ticket to Hollywood.

It's the third night of auditions, and tonight they're in lovely San Francisco. Despite its proximity to L.A., we don't exactly have a ton of talent at the auditions. But I'm happy to say that the producers are showing a great deal of restraint this season.

When Idol premiered, I loved watching the bad auditions. Delusional people making fools out of themselves on national television amused me. As the seasons wore on, though, I enjoyed it less and less. I'm not sure if I changed, or if it really did become more mean-spirited as the years wore on. Whatever the reason, I have grown less and less interested in the bad auditions; they just make me kind of sad.

This season, they're focusing less on the outrageous auditions, which is nice. They're still there, of course; it's not as though everyone we see ends up going to Hollywood. But it just doesn't seem quite as mean and exploitative as usual. It's a welcome change.