Boy, what a mess! Unless you live out in a tar shack in the middle of Montana (writing your manifesto, obviously) you know that the United States, nay, the world, is facing one of the worst economic crises in this modern time. Stocks are plummeting, financial institutions are folding, credit is tighter than Miley Cyrus' chastity belt. People are pulling out their money left and right, trying to find a safe place to invest until all of the craziness dies down.

That, of course, is where we come in. Sure, first and foremost we are a website that features information on television. But, we also have access to some of the greatest financial gurus that were ever created by television writers. To assist you in the right investment choices, we have compiled a list of those we feel you could trust to invest your remaining funds in a wise manner. Also listed, as a public service, are those who you shouldn't consider giving a penny to during the harshest economic times.

So, before your 401(k) loses another percentage point, here are your choices.

You remember the theme from The Beverly Hillbillies, don't you? It tells the story of how poor mountain man Jed Clampett was out looking to shoot himself some dinner when he came upon some bubblin' crude. Well, before you knew it Jed was a millionaire ($25 million, to be exact). Of course, that was back in 1962.

Today, old Jed is worth about $11 billion dollars! That's according to Forbes' list of the 15 wealthiest fictional characters according to today's real-world commodity and share markets. The Clampett patriarch is listed fifth on the list, between Futurama's Mom ($15.7 billion) and The Simpsons' C. Montgomery Burns ($8.4 billion). Number one of the list is Ducktales' Scrooge McDuck, who is worth a whopping $29 billion! Man, what I wouldn't do to be one of his nephews.

I can't be the only one that sometimes suffers an attack of sticker shock when shopping for TV on DVD. Farscape and The Sopranos, well... anything by HBO for that matter, come to mind. So I was thrilled to find, while walking through my local Half Price Books, the TV Time Comedy Collection.

This 12 disk set contains The Andy Griffith Show (16 eps), Hal Roach's Rascals (9 eps), Dick Van Dyke (6 eps), Petticoat Junction (4 eps), The Lucy Show (19 eps), The Beverly Hillbillies (20 eps), Ozzie and Harriet (18 eps), Burns and Allen (10 eps), and the Rescue From Gilligan's Island movie. All for the low low price of $9.98, new in box. It's a fun collection. While I wouldn't be in the market for season sets of any of these shows, with the possible exception of Dick Van Dyke, it's nice to have them around when the networks go all repeat on us. And finding a twenty-something Dennis Hopper guest starring as a beatnik poet on an obscure Petticoat Junction episode makes it funny in a whole new way.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to track down this exact set anywhere online. Amazon does have a similar set from the same company with a slightly different mix of episodes, and minus the Gilligan movie, new for $23.99, and used for $10.97. Still not a bad deal.