Ah, the celebrity roast. Comedy Central resurrected the tried and true comedian ass-kiss off with hilarious specials featuring Denis Leary, Flavor Flav, Bob Saget and William #*$&$ing Shatner. Then came the capper: a roast of music legend Willie Nelson. It was a shift in evolution so great, it could have made Charles Darwin buy into the theory of intelligent design.

Then the network caused a global groan so loud that it shifted the tectonic plates when they announced that Nelson had to cancel and they would replace him with Larry the Cable Guy.

It's such an obvious and safe choice that might be a good recipe for ratings, but it's a sure fire recipe for boring. Here are the iconic stars who would have made much better kindling for a white hot comedy roast.

Two men enter.

 

One man leaves.

If you've ever watched Bill O'Reilly and thought you could stand your ground in an argument against the popular news analyst, then this is your chance. As a stunt for February sweeps, O'Reilly will choose six average people to come on his show and debate him on any topic. Starting today you can submit your topic to O'Reilly through e-mail. O'Reilly is obviously being more than a little tongue-and-cheek with the contest, dubbing it "Bloviating with Bill." Since I'm a lover and not a fighter I won't be attempting to faceoff with Bill, but if you do decide to take the man on, here's some suggestions: