Children's television is the ultimate pacifier. Where else in the world can a terrible, horrific monster that destroys both life and property with nary a whiff of sympathy be turned into a soft, cuddly character who has his own line of soft, cuddly dolls being sold at the local Wal-Mart? It's only later in life, after they've adjusted to these de-fanged monsters, do they realize that their beliefs were so wrong. Aaaannnddd, that's where the therapy comes in.

But, we're not here to talk about the emotional problems that are paralyzing you today. We're here to talk about those vampires, ghosts and mummies that were stripped down and made to be funny, clumsy and even musically oriented. After the jump you'll see a few examples of what I mean. Don't worry, they won't scare you...they've been homogenized for your nightmare-free pleasure.

New TV DVDs, on sale tomorrow.

• Bozo's Circus - Bozo The World's Famous Clown
• Captain N and The Adventures of Super Mario Brothers - Complete Series
• Casper: Best of Vol. 1 and Vol. 2
• Gomer Pyle, USMC - Season 2
• Hannah Montana - Vol. 2
• Miami Vice - Season 5
• Monk - Season 5
• Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Collection: Vol. 11
• The New Adventures of Batman - Complete Series
• The New Adventures of Superman
• Psych - Season 1
• Reno 911 - Season 4
• Spenser: For Hire movies - Ceremony and Pale Kings

Since my doctor recommends I talk about cartoons at least six times a day, I thought I would mention this awesome collection of Casper the Friendly Ghost cartoons. There are many other videos to be found on the site, and some of them are NOT SAFE FOR WORK, so click ahead with caution and/or lustful excitement, depending on where you are at this exact moment.

Like Matt Groening, I have trouble not referring to Casper as "Casper the Little Dead Boy," since that's essentially what he is. As cute and adorable as he was, you've got to admit a cartoon based on the spirit of a deceased child is somewhat morbid.

The first Casper cartoon, "The Friendly Ghost," was created for Famous Studios in 1945, and you can watch it both here and here. The "friendly ghost" wouldn't be given a name, however, until the first Casper comic book was published in 1949.

[via Boing Boing]

Looking for a way to keep the kids out of your hair for the month of October? Send them to the playroom and flip on Cartoon Network, because it'll be broadcasting Halloween-centric programming throughout most of the month, ending with a nine and a half hour marathon on Halloween. Kids can look forward to Halloween-y episodes and specials of The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Casper the Friendly Ghost, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Scooby Doo, The Life and Times of Juniper Lee, Camp Lazlo, and Ed, Edd n Eddy. Other specials include episodes of the CGI Scary Godmother, and the live-action Scooby Doo movie. The Halloween marathon, which kicks off at 1 p.m., will consist mostly of episodes aired the previous weeks. More information on showtimes can be found here.