Jon Stewart begins with the two most important people in the world: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Cruise has proposed to Holmes (at the top of the Eiffel Tower, of all places). They are now engaged. That was fast. Stewart reports that this morning, Holmes gave birth. The kid is now seven. And a doctor. "Because everything they do, they do all out! Whether it be meeting or getting engaged, they do it with intensity!" he screams, almost drenching the screen in spit. Surely I'm not the only one that's feeling that the only people making a massive deal out of this relationship are Cruise and Holmes themselves. Well, attention Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes -- We don't care!