(S01E03) So we started with laughable auditions and followed up with mediocre performances last week but now Bruno and Carrie Ann have picked their teams. Was last night different? Did Dance War do a 180 degree turn around? Not so much. Tonight was...well, it just plain stunk. I still feel like I'm watching a freaking high school musical.

Here's an idea for ABC's Dance War! How about spending some real money on the show? Perhaps get a sound guy who actually knows how to work microphones. Perhaps get some real costumes. And perhaps get some real talent!

(S01E02) After the dreadful auditions and so-so performance last week, I was not too sure about Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann. Would it actually be entertaining this week or would it be just one big simmering pot of stinky mediocrity? It was, unfortunately for audiences, the latter. The performances were good at times but mostly crappy. (It's television, not the high school talent show.) The costumes were hokey. The whole schoolyard dodgeball-esque picking of teams could have been way more suspenseful.

My thoughts about Dance War and my critiques of the performances after the jump. (I decided to do my own critiques since Bruno and Carrie Ann's commentary was a total lovefest. Do they take drugs before the show?)

• At 8, ABC has a new Dance War: Attack of the Clones, or whatever it's called, followed by new episodes of Notes from the Underbelly and October Road.
• FOX has a new Prison Break at 8, then a new Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
• NBC has new episodes of American Gladiators, Deal Or No Deal, and Medium.
• There's a new Antiques Roadshow at 8 on PBS, then a new American Experience.
• TruTV has a new Ocean Force at 8.
• TCM has Martin Scorcese Presents: Val Lewton: The Man in the Shadows at 8.
• Also at 8: G4 has a new X-Play.
• At 8:30, Food Network has a new The Secret Life Of...
• At 9, USA has a new Monday Night RAW.
• ESPN2 has coverage of The Australian Open starting at 9.
• At 9:30, Food Network has a new Unwrapped, followed by a new Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.
• At 10, CBS has a new CSI: Miami.
• Travel Channel has a new Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations at 10.

Check your local TV listings for more.

(S01E01) So, thank goodness there is only going to be one audition show for Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann. On American Idol, the audition shows are usually the most entertaining to watch. In fact, I lose interest once those auditions are over until Idol reveals the finalists. But Dance War's auditions were just plain awful. The singing wasn't as good as American Idol and the dancing wasn't as good as So You Think You Can Dance. Is it really too much to ask for performers who can both sing and dance? Perhaps those people are already employed at real jobs on Broadway.

After the jump, I will go over some of the highlights from the auditions. I use the word "highlights" loosely here. Bruno, Carrie Ann and host Drew Lachey combed three cities in search of performers for the live shows: New York City, Los Angeles, and Nashville. I'll also review the first performance from the lucky fourteen finalists.

It was finally ABC's turn to unveil its winter schedule yesterday. There aren't many surprises in it except that Lost, as rumored, will now air on a new night and that Big Shots, who was benched last week, will get a fifth another chance. ABC's winter programming will also include the premieres of Cashmere Mafia, Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann, Eli Stone and Oprah's Big Give and the return of a few reality series, such as Supernanny and Wife Swap, to fill the void left when scripted series will have aired all their new episodes.