(S05E13) "Women are strong ... until they fall apart." - Nancy

It was zingers like the above quote that filled the season five finale of Weeds. I'm sure there were more, but I dozed off about three minutes into the show. Honestly, I'll check out the first few eps of next season, but at this point, I'm not committed to reviewing the entire season. It's no fun for me, and certainly no fun for you guys, if I'm covering a show I'm just not into. I really hope it improves enough to make me giddy, but I'm not holding my breath.

Nothing about this episode grabbed me, and for that, I'm sad. From the massage therapist that Pilar sent for Nancy ("Don't make me sit on you") to Doug's lame one-liners ("Wanna lick my crystal balls?"), it just wasn't there. I expect a season finale to be filled with eye openers, plot twists, and a fantastic ending that makes me cry that it's over and yearn until the day it starts again. Sorry, it simply wasn't there.

(S05E12) "I could use a little more snakebite on my lips." - Dean

Hmmm ... what to say about this episode? I kept waiting for something to jump out at me. Some fun witticism from Andy or Doug, or anything really. But it just wasn't there. At this point, I'm just glad there's only one episode left, and hopefully, they can do a major reboot and gain back a lot of the viewers who've left. As many of you have commented this season, what's really lacking is any sort of empathy for Nancy. She just seems lost and twisting in the wind.

(S05E11) "If you don't climax, the terrorists win." - Andy to Audra, after the anti-abortionists start throwing stuff through her window

This is probably my least favorite episode of Weeds so far this season. I know some of you haven't been digging this season at all, but I've been hanging in there, holding out hope that it'll end on a high note, and even loving an episode here and there. But aside from a few Andy-isms, I wasn't really feeling this ep much.

(S05E10) "No one is fine around you." - Silas to Nancy

Well, at least Nancy is starting to have some feelings for her sons again. I guess. I'm not alone in my thought that she seems to have lost the motherly gene she had at the beginning of the series. I dunno ... maybe she never had it to begin with. But since hooking up with Esteban, it's gone out the window -- until it slapped her in the face when Shane took a bullet meant for her.

Now she's all hyped up about Silas getting out of dodge and backpacking around Europe. Except she doesn't realize that it's too late for Silas. He's already grown and running his own illegal enterprises -- a skill he picked up from her. I know it's a TV show, but after the childhood these kids have had, they're pretty much ruined as far as having any sort of normal life.

(S08E01) Somewhere Sherwood Schwartz was smiling if he watched this season premiere of Monk. Or else he was calling his attorney to sue for copyright infringement. I think it was more likely the former, because the tribute to The Brady Bunch was sweet. More on that and the rest of Mr. Monk's return -- for his last season -- after the jump.

(S05E09) "Night farts happen, especially since I've been dieting." - Andy to Nancy, about sharing a bed

The THINGS you see on Weeds! Sometimes I don't know whether to be amused or shocked, so this week, I chose a little of both. The sight of Andy suckling Nancy to ease the pain of her swollen breasts ... well, that just never would have occurred to me after I had my babies and found myself in that situation.

And I'm standing by my feeling that Andy goes above and beyond what's called for in a brother-in-law. Then again, suckling the breast of the woman you love probably isn't that much of a stretch for him. But swallowing the milk is a whole other story.

(S05E08) "I've come to reclaim my territory, Superfly." - Nancy to Andy, who's turned her room into a 1960s crash pad

First of all, for some reason, I find Alanis Morissette completely annoying as the doctor. I don't know if she's just boring or whether it's because she was mean to Andy: "You're unemployed, you're closer to 40 than 30, you drive a car from a TV show, and your greatest recent accomplishment was beating the upside-down kill screen in Ms. Pacman."

The only upside of her and Andy's date is that it got him to shave that ridiculous Geico caveman beard off. I really appreciate seeing his face again.

I also love the little vignettes at the beginning of each ep with the opening credits. Tonight's featured a file drawer with a "Weeds" file and a "Jenji Kohan" file. I also picked out a "Power of Attorney" file, which came into play later in the episode.

(S05E07) "We have to get the fuck out of here right now. These people bludgeon innocent golfers for sport." - Shane to Nancy

Oh my gosh. There were so many funny scenes and quotes in this episode of Weeds, I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with Shane, who surely is the smartest kid on TV right now. When Nancy had him look up the mysterious woman (Zuzao) in Esteban's life on Wikipedia, Shane's translations were spot on:

• Sole heir to a vast telecommunications company: "media manipulator"
• On the Board of the Mexican Stock Exchange: "inside trader"
• Philanthropist: "tax evader"

I mean, really. I'm not sure how old Shane is -- I'm sure one of you will tell me -- but that's darn smart for a kid of any age.

(S05E06) "I've decided that we will get married." - Esteban to Nancy

Anyone know Spanish and can translate what that gal said to Esteban at the end of this episode? Because him proposing to Nancy sure seemed like a done deal -- well, as much as a done deal could be with him giving her a faux engagement ring that turned out to be the champion ring from the soccer team he owns, and then giving her the REAL ring later.

I would have been royally ticked at that lame proposal. But Nancy seemed to go for it. And then the babe rant came along at the end and the deal's off. What the heck? Maybe he's still married?

(S05E04) "They were going to sell my gallbladder to the Japanese. Fortunately, my body is a toxic pit." - Celia to Nancy, trying to convince her to let her move in

I know some of you will disagree with me, but I thought this was a really great episode. Maybe Jenji Kohan is listening to us, because it brought back the unique blend of fun and drama that I loved about the early seasons of Weeds. And oh, the quotes! Like this one, when Esteban meets Nancy and clan at the house, after they've been on the run:

Silas: "So you're the mayor of Mexico or something?"
Esteban: "Or something, yes."
Shane: "And you stuck your penis inside my mother at least once."
Nancy: "Ok, then. Good night, Shane. Go upstairs."

She's been nominated for two Emmys and two Golden Globes for her work as outrageous PTA mom Celia Hodes, and as 'Weeds' kicks off its fifth season on Showtime on June 8 (10PM ET), there are more award-worthy performances ahead from Elizabeth Perkins.

As Celia finds herself adrift after being kidnapped, Perkins talks to AOL TV about her favorite Celia moments and the most outrageous Celia moments (many of which overlap), her thoughts on being half of the new Lucy and Ethel ... and how difficult it is to be funny when you're naked.

(S04E13) The final shocking revelation of the season--which wasn't so shocking, if you heard the rumors--made me want to write off the Weeds season finale as unimaginative. To offer up such a commonplace TV twist, and to do it in the last moments of the episode, was definitely not original.

As season finales go, this episode wasn't legendary (I'll never regard that word the same way again, thanks to Doug). However, there were a few scenes that gave us the Weeds we've always loved, and I'd like to believe that the show's distinct, dark humor will have a stronger presence next season.

(S04E12) A lot can happen in two weeks! Weeds took a short break and returned in the form of an action-packed drama. If this episode set the tone for next week, we can expect the finale to be a departure from the flaky, in-over-her-head Nancy from seasons past. Things have gotten serious on our little drug comedy.

Fortunately, there were some lighter moments. Naked Andy always mellows things out, and Celia gave us some laughs as well. Naturally, her rehab breakthrough came from a selfish place, which led to some hilarious backhanded apologies. Will there be any time for humor in next week's season finale?

(S04E11) The truth hurt almost everyone this week. The stress of having both a deflowered son and knowledge of the tunnel's other uses took its toll on Nancy. Harsh reality set in for the others as well. Doug's faults weren't lost on Maria, Celia's lack of insurance affected her recovery, and Bob Odenkirk made me lose confidence in commercial airline pilots. Where's Jimmy Jam when you need him?

(S04E10) Season four of Weeds has been a season of breakthroughs. Ever since Nancy left Agrestic and started over, she's been re-examining her life and coming to terms with her personal failures. The big question is: Will she ever truly change her behavior?

Her self-awareness has yielded some positive results, like her dinner table apology and her throwdown with Lisa, but we've yet to see any significant changes. Will this week's discovery make a difference?