(S05E11) "Merry Christmas, Cuddy." - House to Cuddy on the potential adoption of her new baby

Once again it's Christmas at Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital. Or, rather, it was Christmas at a Princeton-Plainsboro of an alternate reality. That's because our favorite characters were opposite of their normal selves. Foreman was out of House's shadow, Kutner was angry, Cuddy came up with the diagnosis instead of House, Thirteen was smiling, and House was ... House was ...

(S05E09) Here's a bit of irony for ya. Before this week's episode of House began my family was in a lockdown situation of its own after someone, either a home invader or home owner, knocked out seven shots during the early afternoon right down the street from us. The police came along and ended up doing the yellow tape thing around the area, keeping the rest of us from going out until their fugitive search and investigation were done.

Sure, no one had a gun pointed at us. And, I wasn't in a hospital. And, I didn't have to take a series of drugs in order to prove they were safe. But, I was stuck in my house for over two hours. So, you know, I can relate. With that, let's get to this week's "very special" episode of House.

(S05E08) What is Foreman's role in House's little kingdom? From the deep recesses of my dusty brain I recall a conversation he had with Cuddy that his job was to be some sort of monitor to make sure House didn't, you know, rip the lungs out of a live patient just to make sure they were really and truly pink and healthy. But, to be honest, I haven't seen much monitoring going on over the last few episodes.

I have seen lots of sitting and moping and an all-around indecisiveness in Eric since he returned to Princeton-Plainsboro. Maybe he was regretting the decision he made, maybe he was still trying to learn from the feet of his mentor, or maybe he was reliving his past life as suicidal County General doc Dennis Gant from ER. That may have changed this week as, finally, he decided to branch out on his own.

(S05E05) All right, all you pervs! Calm down, calm down! You've all had a chance to see the promo that FOX distributed to promote this week's show and you all gave me a keypad-full on what you thought. So, just put it back in the place where you usually have it stored and let's move ahead with the review.

So, how about that examination scene, huh? Yowsa! Now that was porn! There was so much sexual tension it was oozing out of the screen. I'm surprised I didn't hear 'Bow-chicka-chicka-bow-bow' in the background -- the usual precursor to an extended sex scene. Not, you know, like I'm familiar with that genre of film. I mean, I've never seen a porn movie in my life. Ever. Hey, don't look at me that way!

Ahem. Sorry about that. Let's...uh...let's get going with this week's review.

(S05E04) "Bubbles" -- Thirteen

"Is that your new stripper name?" -- House

And so, one chapter of Dr. Gregory House's life ends and another one begins...again. Together, these life-changing events may lead to a kinder, gentler diagnostician who will befriend his colleagues, treat others on the staff with respect, and prevent him from making constant lewd remarks to Cuddy.

Bwah-hahahahahahahahaha! Oh, I slay me! Kinder and gentler? Bwah-hahahahahahaha!

(S05E02) Everyone, meet Lucas. Lucas, meet everyone.

Let's get to know this young man, shall we? He's in his mid-30's and a private detective. He doesn't think he's a good private dick, but in reality he really is and there's a possibility he just puts on a show of being inept. He can be an ass at times, as seen during his introductory moment to the Princeton-Plainsboro staff, and he can also be a bit too honest. In truth, he is very similar to one Dr. Gregory House, who has hired Lucas to check-up on Wilson after his best friend decided to shun him.

There is one difference between House and Lucas...Lucas is likable. That, and he seems to look at the world in a more positive manner than House does. And yet, that cranky old bastard likes Lucas for some reason. Is House going soft? Is he starting to realize the error of his ways? Is the world coming to an end? Am I asking too many questions? For answers to this and a recap of this week's episode jump ahead.

(S05E01) "This is Dr. House. He's too brilliant for introductions." -- Thirteen to House's patient of the week

Another season of House, another patient with a mysterious ailment. If there is one thing that has not changed in the five seasons that this medical procedural has aired it is the fact that someone is going to enter Princeton-Plainsboro with an illness that can't be determined until the very last minute. It's why House is still on the air. Well, there's that, and then there's the fact that Hugh Laurie is a damn fine actor. Oh, and the others on the show don't do so badly themselves.

So, what can one viewer look forward to for this new season? If you think same-old, same-old then you would be absolutely, totally....incorrect. Because things are a-changing in Greg House's universe -- actually have been changing since the death of Amber in last season's finale -- that he can't, or won't, stop. The result? Well, I would be writing my own death sentence if I revealed it to you here. So, come and join me for a recap of this week's episode.

(S04E12) "People don't change." -- House, who mentioned it several times.

So Wilson is going out with Cutthroat Bitch (aka: Amber), huh? And, for awhile all is well. That's a pretty good record for Wilson, and devious as hell since he was able to keep it from House for so long. Of course, there is now a challenge for Greg to figure out why Amber seems such a catch for his best friend.

Manipulation? Well, that's a possible answer since Wilson is directly connected to House and can be the avenue to get her a fellowship. Revenge? Certainly, especially the way the good doctor treated Amber during the competition. Actual love and affection for Wilson? Nah, couldn't be! I mean, that would just be ludicrous coming from someone who was only concerned about herself during the game. Come on, doesn't anyone remember when she got all of those candidates to stop washing House's car and walk away from the competition? Plus, according to House, people don't change.

(S04E10) "Who's that from?" -- Kutner

"Santa, of course. Don't you know that I worship him? Oh wait, that's Satan. Sorry, I get them confused." -- House

Well, maybe it was the fact that I haven't seen an episode of House in nearly two months, but dear ol' Greggie seemed more cynical than his normal cynical self. Most likely it was due to the holidays. You know, the holidays that came and went over a month ago. I know that FOX is trying to save as many episodes of its hit shows as possible, but it would have been nice if they aired the House Christmas episode around, you know, Christmas.

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(S04E09)"Well, at least the games are over" -- Cuddy

"How well do you know me?" -- House

It's over. After 8 episodes, 40 some-odd candidates, and one dead patient House's new team has been picked. And, I'm pretty sure the results weren't too much of a surprise to those who have watched the competition from episode two. So, the winners are...

Now, why would I want to mention that in the first two paragraphs of this review? If I did that then all of you who have yet to see this week's episode of House would be at the virtual doorstep of my virtual house with virtual pitchforks. If you haven't watched the episode yet but are dying to know who the finalists are then jump ahead. Otherwise, hold off a bit until you watch and then marvel at the way I make the episode come to life in my review. Or, just bash me like normal.

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(S04E04) Wilson -- You're quite impressed with yourself right now, aren't you?

House -- Who wouldn't be?

After a brief baseball break, House returned with a pretty decent episode. Not only did we get to see a further fleshing out of the new characters, but also witnessed additional connection between the old and new team members. Plus, we found out that trying to find a job outside of Princeton-Plainsboro when you worked for House was not the best thing to do.

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(S04E03) Do your sex organs dangle, cutthroat bitch? -- House, speaking to Amber

Geez, Jen got the easy reviewcap last week. I think there were 32 different subplots in this week's episode of House. It was almost like watching an episode of Lost. Well, might as well sit down and get comfortable, because here we go.

We were graced with two different patients this week. The main one, and the one that the remaining candidates worked on, was a young man who had a degenerative muscular condition who suddenly fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. The second patient, the one that was treated by House alone, had recently been in an auto accident and was seemingly suicidal.