The TV is a weird beast. Your show can have ridiculously high ratings, receive greater critical claim than the Mona Lisa and achieve a cult following not seen since the People's Temple, and the network can still pull the plug on you.

TV Land doesn't work like Reality Land, if the Reality Land is in fact reality and not some bizarre reality land where meat-hungry producers are the gods of fate. TV has a different equation for success.

Here are the ten telltale signs that your new show will spend eternity shining in the pantheon of the cosmos and the rest of its life on Best Buy's DVD shelves.