Seriously, you'll never guess. Go ahead and try.

Now if you did just try and venture a guess, let me point out how incredibly stupid you are. You just answered a question verbally at a computer.

And no matter what your answer was, chances are it was wrong. If you had a million guesses, a team of round-the-clock researchers, and more than half of a century to sit down and figure out the answer, you still wouldn't get it. It's THAT bizarre.

Not to worry -- this isn't about Simon, Randy, or Paula. I'm not talking American Idol here. Nah, I'm talking real people, real cases, true litigants ... and so much more! You see, I'm generally off from my day job one weekday a week. Of course I have to watch television. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it, right?

I just never got into soap operas. Well, there was that period decades ago when I spent the summer home with a broken foot before the advent of the internet. But I digress. What I watch these days during the daytime hours tend to be the judge shows. Well, to digress a moment again -- WGN airs Homicide: Life on the Street at noon here. I can't miss that, of course. But then it's justice served. Who judges the judges? I do, naturally!

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