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April 18, 2014

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Kevin Nealon and Sharon Osbourne Compare Toilets on 'The Talk' (VIDEO)

by Nick Zaino, posted Jul 22nd 2011 6:30PM
Kevin Nealon and Sharon Osbourne on 'The Talk'The best part of Kevin Nealon's house, he said Friday on 'The Talk' (weekdays, syndicated on CBS), is the toilet. Or more specifically, the toilet seat, which goes down softly and quietly with just a little push. It might seem like an unusual item, but it wasn't quite impressive enough for Sharon Osbourne.

"I'm in bed by the time it hits the porcelain," boasted Nealon. That sparked a couple of questions. Julie Chen asked if it was heated. Osbourne then asked, "Does it blow dry?" as the panel looked at her like she was crazy. "No, I have a toilet that blow dries!"

"How much hair do you have back there?" Nealon replied. Leah Remini thought Osbourne might have been thinking of a bidet, but Osbourne said no. She has a toilet that is heated, lifts, blow dries, and washes. Beware of the bathroom in the Osbourne house. Particularly if you're Ozzy.

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Stalker sneaks up on TV stars... with money!

by Danny Gallagher, posted Oct 21st 2009 9:10PM
If you live in the Los Angeles area, you know that all you have to do is spit in any random direction and there is a one in five chance that your loogie will hit a celebrity. If it does hit a celebrity, there is a one in three chances that he'll beat you into a bloody pulp and a one in two chance he'll actually face an assault charge for it.

Greg Benson, creator of the viral video empire Mediocre Films, decided to reward the random TV celebrities he ran into with a crisp one dollar bill. That's the difference between Hollywood and the rest of the free world. When we open our wallets for people on the street, we don't necessarily know that they are going to use it for drugs and/or alcohol.

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The Jay Leno Show: Drew Barrymore

by Jason Hughes, posted Sep 19th 2009 12:24AM
Drew BarrymoreYesterday, Leno mocked "Cash for Clunkers" by mocking up a "Cash for Flunkers" video. Tonight he tapped the same well with a "Cash for Chunkers" joke. I guess that's common in the late night arena, but I've never been a fan of using the same exact set-up on different nights to get a different joke. Unless you acknowledge how weak it is when you do it.

Tonight's correspondent was The Hangover's Rachael Harris, who came on to show us the lost art of bartering in this tough economic times. Like most of the other correspondent segments, it had some funny moments, but it just seemed to go on forever.

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Weeds: All About My Mom

by Jane Boursaw, posted Sep 1st 2009 2:54AM
Weeds - All About My Mom
(S05E13) "Women are strong ... until they fall apart." - Nancy

It was zingers like the above quote that filled the season five finale of Weeds. I'm sure there were more, but I dozed off about three minutes into the show. Honestly, I'll check out the first few eps of next season, but at this point, I'm not committed to reviewing the entire season. It's no fun for me, and certainly no fun for you guys, if I'm covering a show I'm just not into. I really hope it improves enough to make me giddy, but I'm not holding my breath.

Nothing about this episode grabbed me, and for that, I'm sad. From the massage therapist that Pilar sent for Nancy ("Don't make me sit on you") to Doug's lame one-liners ("Wanna lick my crystal balls?"), it just wasn't there. I expect a season finale to be filled with eye openers, plot twists, and a fantastic ending that makes me cry that it's over and yearn until the day it starts again. Sorry, it simply wasn't there.

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Preview of the Weeds finale - Is it time for the series to end?

by Jane Boursaw, posted Aug 30th 2009 11:02AM
Weeds - Season 5 finaleThe season five finale of Weeds, "All About My Mom," is coming up Monday night at 10 PM ET/PT on Showtime. Kevin Nealon will be hosting the finale to promote his upcoming comedy special, Kevin Nealon: Now Hear Me Out, which airs Friday, Sept. 4, at 9:30 PM ET/PT on Showtime. Get a sneak peek here.

While I haven't been all that crazy about this season of Weeds, there have been a few standout episodes, and I'll miss the show. Something about the crazy life of Nancy Botwin and her clan continues to draw me in, even during what I consider the weaker seasons.

Throughout season five, TV Squad readers have been debating whether the show is still good, or whether it should take its final bow. After "Ducks & Tigers," Collin said, "It is time to cancel this disaster. Whoever thinks this is a comedy should have their head examined." After "Distinctive Horn," however, Matthew Fleigle noted, "So far this has been one of the best seasons of Weeds."

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Weeds: Glue

by Jane Boursaw, posted Aug 25th 2009 2:43AM
Weeds: Glue
(S05E12) "I could use a little more snakebite on my lips." - Dean


Hmmm ... what to say about this episode? I kept waiting for something to jump out at me. Some fun witticism from Andy or Doug, or anything really. But it just wasn't there. At this point, I'm just glad there's only one episode left, and hopefully, they can do a major reboot and gain back a lot of the viewers who've left. As many of you have commented this season, what's really lacking is any sort of empathy for Nancy. She just seems lost and twisting in the wind.

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Weeds: Ducks and Tigers

by Jane Boursaw, posted Aug 18th 2009 3:19PM
Weeds - Ducks and Tigers
(S05E11) "If you don't climax, the terrorists win." - Andy to Audra, after the anti-abortionists start throwing stuff through her window

This is probably my least favorite episode of Weeds so far this season. I know some of you haven't been digging this season at all, but I've been hanging in there, holding out hope that it'll end on a high note, and even loving an episode here and there. But aside from a few Andy-isms, I wasn't really feeling this ep much.

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Weeds: Perro Insano

by Jane Boursaw, posted Aug 11th 2009 5:01AM
Weeds - Perro Insano
(S05E10) "No one is fine around you." - Silas to Nancy


Well, at least Nancy is starting to have some feelings for her sons again. I guess. I'm not alone in my thought that she seems to have lost the motherly gene she had at the beginning of the series. I dunno ... maybe she never had it to begin with. But since hooking up with Esteban, it's gone out the window -- until it slapped her in the face when Shane took a bullet meant for her.

Now she's all hyped up about Silas getting out of dodge and backpacking around Europe. Except she doesn't realize that it's too late for Silas. He's already grown and running his own illegal enterprises -- a skill he picked up from her. I know it's a TV show, but after the childhood these kids have had, they're pretty much ruined as far as having any sort of normal life.

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Weeds: Suck n Spit

by Jane Boursaw, posted Aug 4th 2009 3:50AM
Weeds - Suck n Spit

(S05E09) "Night farts happen, especially since I've been dieting." - Andy to Nancy, about sharing a bed


The THINGS you see on Weeds! Sometimes I don't know whether to be amused or shocked, so this week, I chose a little of both. The sight of Andy suckling Nancy to ease the pain of her swollen breasts ... well, that just never would have occurred to me after I had my babies and found myself in that situation.

And I'm standing by my feeling that Andy goes above and beyond what's called for in a brother-in-law. Then again, suckling the breast of the woman you love probably isn't that much of a stretch for him. But swallowing the milk is a whole other story.

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Weeds: A Distinctive Horn

by Jane Boursaw, posted Jul 28th 2009 5:06AM
Alanis Morissette on Weeds(S05E08) "I've come to reclaim my territory, Superfly." - Nancy to Andy, who's turned her room into a 1960s crash pad

First of all, for some reason, I find Alanis Morissette completely annoying as the doctor. I don't know if she's just boring or whether it's because she was mean to Andy: "You're unemployed, you're closer to 40 than 30, you drive a car from a TV show, and your greatest recent accomplishment was beating the upside-down kill screen in Ms. Pacman."

The only upside of her and Andy's date is that it got him to shave that ridiculous Geico caveman beard off. I really appreciate seeing his face again.

I also love the little vignettes at the beginning of each ep with the opening credits. Tonight's featured a file drawer with a "Weeds" file and a "Jenji Kohan" file. I also picked out a "Power of Attorney" file, which came into play later in the episode.

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Weeds: Where the Sidewalk Ends

by Jane Boursaw, posted Jul 21st 2009 3:16AM
Weeds - Justin Kirk and Alanis Morissette

(S05E07) "We have to get the fuck out of here right now. These people bludgeon innocent golfers for sport." - Shane to Nancy

Oh my gosh. There were so many funny scenes and quotes in this episode of Weeds, I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with Shane, who surely is the smartest kid on TV right now. When Nancy had him look up the mysterious woman (Zuzao) in Esteban's life on Wikipedia, Shane's translations were spot on:

  • Sole heir to a vast telecommunications company: "media manipulator"
  • On the Board of the Mexican Stock Exchange: "inside trader"
  • Philanthropist: "tax evader"

I mean, really. I'm not sure how old Shane is -- I'm sure one of you will tell me -- but that's darn smart for a kid of any age.

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Weeds: A Modest Proposal

by Jane Boursaw, posted Jul 14th 2009 6:50AM
Weeds - A Modest Proposal

(S05E06) "I've decided that we will get married." - Esteban to Nancy


Anyone know Spanish and can translate what that gal said to Esteban at the end of this episode? Because him proposing to Nancy sure seemed like a done deal -- well, as much as a done deal could be with him giving her a faux engagement ring that turned out to be the champion ring from the soccer team he owns, and then giving her the REAL ring later.

I would have been royally ticked at that lame proposal. But Nancy seemed to go for it. And then the babe rant came along at the end and the deal's off. What the heck? Maybe he's still married?

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Weeds: Van Nuys

by Jane Boursaw, posted Jul 7th 2009 6:32AM
Weeds - Van Nuys(S05E05) "These are very dark waters you're swimming in, even for you." - Andy to Nancy

Well, hmmm ... just when we all thought Nancy had gone completely over the edge and was unredeemable, she brings it back a little and becomes a mom again. ("I can't live like this anymore! Shane was a good kid! Now he's robbing his teacher!").

So she makes Shane go apologize for shaking down his English teacher (hey, the guy deserved it for driving off with Shane's weed) and shooting his bird. And then she goes all mama-bear by cutting off the teacher's air supply after he pushes Shane down.

The guy's a jerk. Give Shane back his weed! I'm sorry the bird got caught in the crossfire, though. I'm sure no birds were harmed in the making of this episode.

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Weeds: Super Lucky Happy

by Jane Boursaw, posted Jun 30th 2009 5:35AM
Weeds - Super Lucky Happy

(S05E04) "They were going to sell my gallbladder to the Japanese. Fortunately, my body is a toxic pit." - Celia to Nancy, trying to convince her to let her move in

I know some of you will disagree with me, but I thought this was a really great episode. Maybe Jenji Kohan is listening to us, because it brought back the unique blend of fun and drama that I loved about the early seasons of Weeds. And oh, the quotes! Like this one, when Esteban meets Nancy and clan at the house, after they've been on the run:

Silas: "So you're the mayor of Mexico or something?"
Esteban: "Or something, yes."
Shane: "And you stuck your penis inside my mother at least once."
Nancy: "Ok, then. Good night, Shane. Go upstairs."

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Jane After Dark: Weeds, season 4 - Nancy goes to the dark side (of Mexico)

by Jane Boursaw, posted Jun 28th 2009 10:17AM
Weeds Season 3 - Nancy Botwin and Esteban
This week in Jane After Dark, I took a short break from The Wire, but don't worry, devoted Wire fans! I'm watching season three right now, and already writing next week's column in my head.

Since I'm covering season five of Weeds for TV Squad, I thought I'd better get caught up on season four. I'd watched episodes here and there, but not the entire season from start to finish. I just finished the last episode and have to say the series certainly took a turn in a different direction.

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