Oscar turned 80 last night. For eight decades, Hollywood has been handing out gold statuettes for the best in motion picture arts and sciences. Sadly, last night's show will not have to worry about winning an Emmy. Not only was the show pedestrian, long and uninspired, it was also a bomb in the Nielsen overnight ratings. In fact, it was historically disappointing: averaging just 32 million viewers to become the least watched Oscar telecast ever! EVER, people!

Of course, if you're worried that with ratings so bad, some day the Academy Awards won't be broadcast -- don't. The Oscars, like the Super Bowl, make a fortune for the network broadcasting it. ABC made an average of $1.8 million for each 30-second spot.