PattonOswald

News that New York Times reporter Bill Carter is working on a pseudo-sequel to his groundbreaking book The Late Shift' made a smile creep across my face. I haven't yet read the book, but the buzz it caused and the weird stories that came out of it just by word of mouth gave it an aura of mysterious wonder that made the television industry infinitely more fascinating than it already was.

It also spawned a pretty decent made-for-TV HBO movie. Now I don't know what kind of craziness "Round Two" has to offer, but the players involved are definitely going to have all sorts of wild secrets revealed from Carter's work and when it does, HBO is going to want the movie rights. So here's who should play who in this new tragic merry-go-round of television programming hilarity that shall be called 'The Late Shift 2'.

Will Rogers once said, "Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."

And how do you that? That's easy. Just sprinkle in some sex! It's nature's negotiator.

Of course, it's not as simple as it sounds. These days, people are easier to offend than Catholic nuns and the FCC has made it nearly impossible to advertise products the way God intended (i.e. naked girls with abnormally large boobs writhing and moaning over the awesomeness of Flonase). So an even subtler art of using sex to get your money lies within this deeply layered process. Here are the best of the best and the worst of the worst.