Real time with Bill Maher
'Gossip Girl' (8PM ET, The CW)
Blair makes all of her former minions and Charlie compete to secure the coveted bridesmaid spots in her upcoming royal wedding. Nate is tired of keeping his relationship with Diana a secret, so he decides to use Charlie to make Diana jealous. Serena's boss (guest star Michael Michele) is determined to acquire the film rights to Dan's book, so Serena must put her personal feelings about Dan and the book aside in order to close the deal.
'The Bad Girls Club' (9PM ET, Oxygen) one-hour special presentation
Perez Hilton hosts the first of a two-part reunion special, wherein the bad girls reminisce about season 7.
'Castle' (10PM ET, ABC)
During the investigation of the murder of an Atlantic City casino owner at an abandoned warehouse, strong leads emerge for the team in both New York and Atlantic City. As Beckett and Capt. Gates work the New York leads together, Castle naturally chooses to join the detectives for the road trip to "America's Playground," hoping to help solve the case while throwing an impromptu bachelor party for Ryan.
Her concern is that by distancing our men from the dangers of war might distance Americans from the very fact that we are at war. It's certainly an interesting argument, though the counter-argument could be made that Americans have been disconnected from the fact that we are at war right now now and that soldiers are in danger every day.
"My feeling about morality is if you're doing what you're doing for reward and punishment, it's not really morality," he said. In case there was doubt he was referring to religion, he further clarified, "When you add everlasting life as the reward and everlasting torment as the punishment, there can be no morality."
When Bill Maher mentioned that one in four Republicans believe Obama might be the Antichrist, MacFarlane said that this was a type of rhetoric we never heard during the Clinton administration. He would like to think that most Republicans are still sensible people, but that's not what he's seeing in the media anymore.
"Either they've now turned nuts," he said of the Republican party, "Or they've allowed the crazies to get control of their mouthpiece and let the rest of us think that they are."
"I don't know what to tell you," he said. "I was drunk."
More specifically, he laid out what really happened. "I was drunk. She's weird."
C.K. then went on to explain that being on an airplane creates an altered sense of reality. The example he cited was that he cried after a viewing of 'Mrs. Doubtfire' on a plane. When the panel suggested it's the different oxygen levels at that altitude, C.K. latched on to that as an explanation.
The noted chef, author and 'No Reservations' star dropped by Maher's show to chat about food, sex and everything else that's currently inhabiting his headspace.
Bourdain joined Maher and filmmaker Stephen K. Bannon, astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, and journalist Joan Walsh on a panel to discuss the current state of the American Dream.
The way it should be done is something they're inherently familiar with. "Musicians have to listen to each other to create harmony and the melody," he said. "Otherwise it doesn't work. And that doesn't happen in the political arena. People really don't hear the other point of view."
Of course you can extrapolate the analogy further and talk about what happens when the members of any band start getting their own unique vision and ideas that perhaps differ from other members. Usually, when that happens, the band breaks up.
Mark Cuban on 'Real Time': People Would Rather Fight for Their Country Than Pay Higher Taxes (VIDEO)
While trying to make a point, a passionate Cuban knocked his drink across the table – Whoops! – and faced a tough crowd who disagreed with his assessment that most people would rather volunteer to fight in a war than pay higher taxes.
Taking advantage of his ability to say anything on HBO, Maher took the national Weiner-roasting to a new level, pushing the envelope further than any other network late night comedians could this week.
Set to some light chamber music, Maher and Lynch read verbatim from the explicit script and delivered the absurd lines with delightfully deadpan deliveries. Both couldn't help but grin widely throughout the bit.
Check out video of the performance after the jump, but be warned. The content is graphic, sexually explicit, and thoroughly amusing in nature.
In an effort to up the ante and generate even more buzz, Maher pulled out a tray with all the paraphernalia to shoot Galafianakis up with heroin. "Never done this before in my life," Galifianakis admitted. "Yeah, everything's ending, so let's just do it."
Of course, everything didn't end as predicted, so now Galifianakis has to deal with the aftermath of his decision. What on earth can they do to top shooting up heroin live on the air?
As the two loudly articulated their points, one suspected that ABC political director Amy Walter, who was seated between the men, was getting sprayed with spittle.
After a while, Maher indicated Steele and Schultz needed to tone it down, and the discussion briefly moved on to the 150th anniversary of the beginning of the Civil War.
On 'Real Time With Bill Maher' (Friday 10 PM ET on HBO), Maher ripped Obama's strategy, saying Obama had admitted, "We met the Republicans, what they asked, and then we gave them more."
"This is like your lawyer saying to you, 'You know, I went into the chambers with the judge and the prosecutor, and my first offer was 40 years to life for you,'" Maher said of Obama's negotiating technique. "'And I think I can get your tailgating charge moved up to manslaughter. And that's my first offer."
"New rule: Now that a Cheney, a McCain and a Bush have come out to support gay marriage, it's your turn, Obama," Maher said, as a picture of gay marriage proponents Dick Cheney, Meghan McCain and Barbara Bush was shown in the background.
"Who are you waiting for, the state of Alabama?" Maher continued. "The Reverend Fred Phelps?"
A recent survey by Public Policy Polling found that 51 percent of those who plan on voting in the GOP primary believe that Barack Obama wasn't born in the U.S. On 'Real Time With Bill Maher' (Weeknights, 10PM ET on HBO) Maher offered up a theory as to why so many conservatives embrace "birtherism," and then applied that same theory to Speaker of the House John Boehner, with strange results.
"When they go a little deeper into the polling, they find out this is just based on a general sense," Maher explained. "It just feels to them like [Obama's] a foreigner. Well, you know, John Boehner wears bronzer and goes on crying jags. He just feels like a female to me. Maybe liberals should demand to see his penis."
Maher gave examples of these fringe issues, including an incident during the 2008 election in which two members of the New Black Panther Party were photographed outside a voting booth in Philadelphia armed with police-style batons. Maher admonished Republicans for continuing to obsess over this photograph, over two years later, and suggested their fixation has to do with a general fear of black people.
"But, it's time you understood something," Maher said, addressing a hypothetical member of the Republican Party. "Every black person scares you. Unless they look like Urkel, talk like Colin Powell and wear Bill Cosby sweaters, you fill your adult diaper."
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