(S05E15) When I used to teach high school English, one of my biggest pet peeves was reading a paper from a student who was obviously stretching two pages of ideas into the required four pages of the assignment. I actually preferred it when students came up short in page count instead of insulting my intelligence with superfluous words, plodding pacing, and ridiculous font and margin tweaks.

Watching the two hour -- that's right two hour -- finale of Last Comic Standing, I couldn't help but be reminded of my teaching days. Tonight's finale was like an essay written using Comic Sans 16 point font...

(S05E14) Here's an amazing story: I arrived home this evening to find that my TiVo only recorded the last 25 minutes of LCS. With a review to write, I scrambled, calling everyone I knew within driving distance, trying to find the episode.

None of my friends had it (10 million viewers a week? None in South Jersey, apparently). I was bummed because I didn't want to have to write an incomplete review. It wasn't until after all this that I actually watched the final 25 minutes my TiVo grabbed.

Wouldn't you know that NBC had so padded the hour that the only two performances that really mattered didn't come till the last 15 minutes anyway? God bless the terrible, slow roast editing techniques of this show. God. Bless. Them. On to the (almost complete) review...

(S01E13) It's unfortunate that after the NBC/Apple flare-up this week that people won't be able to easily download Last Comic Standing onto their IPods, because this week's show had it all:

A kinda, sorta standing O! A very apparent screw-up by one of the three remaining finalists! A set of produced pieces so poorly made that simply by airing them NBC set TV back 50 years (seriously, they turned my TV black and white).

What I'm saying is, who wouldn't want to take this show with them on the bus? The review starts after the jump...

(S05E12) I can't help myself, I just need to blurt out tonight's winner: Doug Benson!

You almost thought I posted a pre-jump spoiler, didn't you? Admit it, you were sharpening your commenter fingers just ready to eviscerate me for ruining the show!

Well, I did no such thing. The only person who is ruining this show for you people is Bill Bellamy, and that's the way it's gonna stay!

Let's get on with the review...

(S05E11) There's a famous story about Jerry Seinfeld. Early in his career, when he was starting to feel the first warmth of "industry heat", he was offered a spot on the Tonight Show. This was the early eighties, remember, when a killer four minutes and a wave from Johnny pretty much guaranteed that you were headed for future glory.

He turned them down. His reasoning was simple. He had a great four minutes and would probably have killed; what he was worried about was that he didn't have the next four minutes for the second show. He wanted to kill every time he was called back. It was an audacious thing to do, turning down Johnny the Kingmaker, but we all know how it worked out for Jerry.

Tonight we got to see the final five's next four minutes. Some of them should have turned LCS down...