This article could easily have been called "James T. Kirk's Top Five Loves", one of which would undoubtedly be the Enterprise, or "James T. Kirk's Top Five Seductions", but those titles didn't quite convey the connotation I was looking for. As everybody who ever watched Trek Classic knows, the good captain had his fair share of women, getting involved with a different one once every three episodes or so.

The man oozed excess testosterone, which might have explained his hair loss later on. You'd think the 23rd century would learn to regrow it better. Then came the 24th century look when baldness was "in". But I digress. It was also his self-confidence that made him without question a chick magnet. This aspect of the character undoubtedly appealed to the uber-nerds who watched Star Trek then and now.

"Deedee Chappel. Get ready to unzip your pants!" - Lowell

That's one of my favorite lines in TV history, and I'm happy to say it was uttered in a show I had the pleasure of being an extra in many years ago, NBC's Wings. A great friend of mine, Suzanne, worked on the show and, since I was going out to Los Angeles for a vacation, she got me on the set as an extra. The episode was titled "If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother" and guest-starred Debbie Reynolds. It was filmed in October of 1994 and aired on November 22.

Our Monday morning roundup of a half dozen things TV Squad readers - and TV fans in general - will be talking about this week.

1. The second season premiere of Burn Notice. The summer just got a little better to deal with. (Thursday at 10 on USA.)

2. Hell's Kitchen season finale. I predict Jen with try to throw boiling oil in Chef Ramsay's face. (Tuesday at 9 on FOX.)

3. It's Cheers Week at TV Squad. Our Retro Squad Summer continues with posts on all things Cheers (including Frasier, Wings, etc).

4. The series premiere of Flashpoint. The previews remind me of S.W.A.T. (Friday at 10 on CBS.)

5. The Television Critics Association summer press tour. Or, as Tim Goodman calls it, the Death March with Cocktails. (Starts tomorrow and runs through the 22nd.)

6. The season premiere of Big Brother. The summer just got a little bit worse. (Sunday at 8 on CBS.)

This post might get a little esoteric, but I'll just lay it out there and, as always, you can either take it or leave it. If you don't like talk about death and dying, stop reading here.

If I was asked to say just one thing about Six Feet Under, it's that they don't shirk from anything. The Fisher family is complex and messy, but the writers and actors put it all out there, whether it's gay sex, drugs, mental illness, or, of course, death.

That last one is a good thing for me, because I go to a lot of funerals. In the past few years, I've lost two aunts, a dad, a father-in-law, a grandma, a sister-in-law, two cousins, and at least two dozen friends. I've written scores of obituaries and played my violin for dozens of funerals. I'm on a first-name basis with most of the funeral directors in town. And you know what? It's OK! Six Feet Under has helped me to see that. Read on for five ways the show helps me cope with death.

I'm late to the Six Feet Under party, having just started watching the series on DVD earlier this year. I'm half-way through the final season, so if anyone posts about the last episode (I've heard it's wonderful), I'll have to stick my fingers in my ears and sing la-la-la -- though I already have a general idea how it ends.

At any rate, I love this show. Who knew I'd get hooked on a show about funeral directors, but there's something very addictive about it. I watch it when I get done working around 2 a.m., and there's something weirdly comforting about watching a show about death at that hour. Like, somehow, you think it'll all be okay. And really, the show isn't just about death. It's about life and death. Big difference.

Okay, bear with me while I hand out a few awards (and feel free to post your own SFU Awards in the comments):

One of my favorite parts of Six Feet Under is the opening titles. When I get ready to watch the show, I don't turn it on and do other things while the opening titles play. I sit down and watch the titles from the beginning. It prepares me for the show ahead.

As I learned from watching the behind-the-scenes featurette on the season one DVD set, when a show is created, the opening pictures are usually done first and the music added later. That wasn't the case with Six Feet Under, mainly because creator Alan Ball had no idea what he wanted to do with the pictures. So he had composer Thomas Newman -- whom he worked with on American Beauty -- score the music first.

Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

(S04E05) Originally aired on July 18th, 2004 -- Arguably the best episode in Six Feet Under's five season run (ignoring the stellar finale of course), "That's My Dog" is a seminal installment for Michael C. Hall's David Fisher. A culmination of David's fears, inadequacies, and worries all collide at the same time as he faces death at the hands of a sadistic crack addict named Jake who takes him on a joy ride to get high. The events change David for good as he develops crippling attacks of paranoia that stay with him until he tackles his demons near the end of season five. You can't have a discussion about Six Feet Under without bringing up this episode.

Our Monday morning roundup of a half dozen things TV Squad readers - and TV fans in general - will be talking about this week.

1. The SAG/studios mess. Sure, it looks like there isn't going to be a strike (not yet anyway), but both sides are still far apart and one could still happen.

2. The Moment of Truth summer finale. Lives are destroyed for cash. Yay! (Tuesday at 8 on FOX.)

3. The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I think pregnant teenagers are about to take over the world. (Tuesday at 8 on ABC Family.)

4. Hell's Kitchen. We're down to the final two contestants (Petrozza and Christina). Whoopi Goldberg guest stars ... for some reason. (Tuesday at 9 on FOX.)

5. It's Six Feet Under Week here at TV Squad. Come reminisce about your favorite deaths!

6. The Wimbledon Final. I think Federer or Nadal might be in the final. You think? (Sunday at 9am on NBC.)

Our Monday morning roundup of a half dozen things TV Squad readers - and TV fans in general - will be talking about this week.

1. Wipeout and I Survived A Japanese Game Show: Next season the Japanese will come over here and star in I Survived The Jerry Springer Show. (Tuesday at 8pm on ABC.)
2. The strike: One more week to go before the deadline.
3. The Baby Borrowers: Stars Jamie Lynn Spears and these girls. (Wednesday at 9pm on NBC.)
4. Jimmy Kimmel on The View: He's dumped on them for years and now he's going to be on the show. Should be interesting. (This morning on ABC.)
5. Hey, it's Buffy/Angel Week!: Our retro summer continues with posts about Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel (and everything related to them).
6. Rescue Me minisodes: We really have to think of a better name for these things. (Starts Tuesday at 10pm.)

Our Monday morning roundup of a half dozen things TV Squad readers - and TV fans in general - will be talking about this week.

1. The death of Tim Russert: He was young, he was the face of MSNBC's political coverage, this is an election year, and NBC needs to find a new host for Meet The Press. Expect people to be talking about this for a while.

2. Burn Notice on DVD: This is the show that seemed to come out of nowhere and instantly loved by many TV viewers is now on DVD. The new season starts on July 10!

3. Retro Squad - The Super Friends: This summer, we're doing another look back at classic TV shows. This time we're doing theme weeks, and this week you can read a bunch of posts about The Super Friends.

4. The possible strike: The Screen Actor's Guild contact ends on June 30. Let's hope this isn't a loooooong summer.

5. That Battlestar Galactica finale: What happens now? You'll have to wait until next year to find out.

6. America's Got Talent: Another season of the summer hit. Expect sword swallowers, dancers, magicians, singers, mimes, and everything in between. (Premieres Tuesday at 9pm on NBC.)

Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

(S03E13) Originally aired February 10th, 2006 -- I could roll out about a dozen clichés when describing the series finale of Arrested Development, but I'm honestly not sure that saying "this was the end of an era" does it enough justice. For those that own the DVD sets, take a look at the cover for season two. There's a quote from Entertainment Weekly on it: "Once in the history of time comes a sitcom like Arrested Development."

Too bad FOX never saw it that way. Not only did they delay the airing of the final four AD episodes, but when it came time to show them, they got bundled together and aired 'em in a row - on a Friday night in the middle of winter! As I've said before, it sucks that Emmy wins don't dictate a show's future. But we really can't blame FOX because those Emmys are arguably why we were lucky enough to get three seasons period. Blame the people who watched Skating with Celebrities (AD's time-slot replacement) instead.

Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

I will admit, I was super late to the Arrested Development game. It had been canceled and I'm pretty sure everything was on DVD. Actually, I remember the first time I watched an episode, it was on G4. There was that guy from Teen Wolf Too and he was talking to David Cross, who was painted like a Smurf for some reason. And then he did some things that didn't really make sense, and I laughed nervously because I was worried I had become too stupid to keep up with sitcoms. I gave up after another ten minutes of confusion and switched over to Flavor of Love or something equally brain-numbing to make myself feel better.

Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

(S02E13) Originally aired March 13th, 2005 -- There are way too many great episodes of Arrested Development. I can't think of any other sitcom that has as much replay value as this show does. Maybe Seinfeld, but c'mon - Jerry, Kramer, George, and Elaine had a lot of stinkers. I don't think the Bluths ever disappointed. When we nominated Arrested Development to get the "Retro Squad" treatment, "Motherboy XXX" immediately popped into my head. It's one of my favorites because it blends so many different stories together and it includes what I think is quite possibly the funniest, and most important, inside joke ever featured on the show.

If you were one of the two readers who was wondering where I was last Sunday -- we didn't do a "previously on" post -- Here's the short answer: I was in a car on the road from Milwaukee to Detroit and wasn't around to do this post. But I'm back, so the summary is back.

Anyway, in case you've missed it -- perhaps you were in some massive traffic jams thanks to the Illinois DOT -- here are some highlights from the last week at TV Squad:



Breaking News

• MTV2 picks up Crank Yankers.
• Did Jamie Foxx act like a diva on the Miami Vice set?
• The AP is upset with FOX for banning photographers from press tour conference.
• Full House's Jodie Sweetin gets more work.
• Red Buttons dies at 87.
• Project Runway model gets seriously hurt in an accident.
• Kelly Clarkson gets her own HBO concert.
• Rescue Me renewed for fourth season.
• The resumption of The Sopranos is being pushed back to March.
• TBS, FOX sign new deals with Major League Baseball.
• CBS swaps timeslots for The Class and How I Met Your Mother.
• Has Star Jones' replacement on The View already been chosen?
• The July 4 week had the smallest broadcast network audience ever.
• Barnard Hughes dead at 90.
• Producer of Rock Star: Supernova sued over band name.
• Music rights issues are keeping us from getting DVDs for The Wonder Years.

Discussions

• Adam examines YouTube copyright issues.
• Is the missing Moral Orel episode going to air?
• Did 18 TVs cause an apartment building fire?
• What do you think the URL for the CW network is?
• Does Stephen Colbert actually teach Sunday school?
• Anna's Dwight Schrute bobblehead arrives... broken.
• Sally Field joins ABC show Brothers & Sisters.
• Arrested Development creator may make an AD movie.
  

Opinions

• Annie thinks Comedy Central's support of the Strangers with Candy movie is weak.
• I think the World Series of Pop Culture is too easy so far.
• Rich gives a preview of Angela's Eyes.
• Danica McKellar is the world's hottest math geek.
• Rich wishes the SciFi network was more like Canada's Space channel.
• We preview some of ABC's fall pilots.
• Will O. previews Eureka.
• Michael S. reviews the first two Office webisodes.
• Adam reviews the Strangers with Candy movie.

Retro Squad

• NewsRadio: "Luncheon at the Waldorf"
• Firefly: "Jaynestown"
• Sports Night: "Dear Louise"
• The Simpsons: "Bart's Girlfriend"
• The Office (BBC): Episode 7
• Angel: "Sense & Sensitivity"
• Buffy: "Angel"
• Futurama: "A Fishful of Dollars"

Episode Reviews

• Monk: "Mr. Monk and the Garbage Strike"
• Psych: "Spellingg Bee"
• Stargate SG-1: "Flesh and Blood"
• Stargate Atlantis: "No Man's Land"
• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: "Hundred Dollar Baby"
• Big Brother All-Stars: Elimination #1
• Doctor Who: "Fear Her"
• Hustle: Episode 15
• Blade: "Descent"
• Last Comic Standing: A roast and an ejection
• The Closer: "To Protect and Serve"
• The Dead Zone: "Articles of Faith"
• Deadwood: "A Two-Headed Beast"
• Entourage: "Crash and Burn"

In case you've missed it -- perhaps you were crossing state lines to stock up on fireworks -- here are some highlights from the last week at TV Squad:



Star Jones vs. The View

• Star abruptly leaves The View, claims she felt like she was fired.
• Barbara Walters fires back; Anna examines the grudge match.
• Jones goes on Larry King Live.
• Anna thinks Star's looking pretty bad after seeing her interview with King.
• Bob hates CNN's constant "breaking news" stories about that interview.
• Will Brandy take Jones' spot on The View?

Breaking News

• The WB signs off on Spetember 17; will air pilots of signature shows.
• Kyle XY breaks ABC Family ratings record.
• Commercial television turned 65 years old this week.
• Harry Shearer to appear on BBC radio.
• Here's how to enter the NBC/YouTube contest for The Office.
• David Hasselhoff gets sugery after gym mishap.
• The Closer is renewed for a third season.
• Mariska Hargitay gives birth to a boy.
• Lennie Weinrib dead at 71.
• FOX orders only 16 episodes of The O.C.  for next season.
• NBC signs marketing deal with YouTube.
• Peter Gammons of ESPN suffers a brain aneurysm.
• Sopranos actor pleads guilty to drunk driving charge.
• Aaron Spelling is buried, and Tori was there.
• Patricia Arquette gets married.
• Moose, who played Eddie the dog on Frasier, dies.
• Top of the Pops to end its 42-year run on the BBC.
  

Discussions

• Here's the video where Bender and Al Gore talk about global warming.
• And here's the trailer to The Transformers movie.
• Pam Anderson poses nude in London store window.
  

The Five

• My favorite characters from Aaron Spelling's shows.

Opinions

• Bob does not want Dr. and Mrs. Phil to host the July 4th parade.
• He then wonders how real Kathy Griffin's reality show actually is.
• Bob reviews the DVD for NewsRadio Season 4.
• Adam reviews the "lost season" of Chappelle's Show.
• Bob thinks the FOX president is hilarious.
• Keith gives an early review of Blade: The Series.
• We preview CBS's new fall shows.
  

Retro Squad

• NewsRadio: "The Crisis"
• Firefly: "Safe"
• Strangers with Candy: "Bogie Nights"
• Sports Night: "Mary Pat Shelby"
• The Simpsons: "Sideshow Bob Roberts"
• Seinfeld: "The Library"
• The Prisoner: "The Chimes of Big Ben"
• The Office (BBC): Episode 5
• Angel: "I Fall to Pieces"
• Buffy: "Never Kill a Boy on the First Date"
• NYPD Blue: "Emission Accomplished"
• Futurama: "Love's Labours Lost in Space"
• The X-Files: "Conduit"

Episode Reviews

• Game Show Marathon: Family Feud (finale)
• It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: first two episodes
• Dog Bites Man: "Assignment: Republican Leadership Conference"
• Doctor Who: "Love and Monsters"
• Rescue Me: "Chlamydia"
• Last Comic Standing: Adam Carolla and a surprise
• The Closer: "Slippin'"
• Hell's Kitchen: Episode 4
• The 4400: "Gone (part one)"
• Deadwood: "True Colors"
• Entourage: "Dominated"
• Huff: "Which Lip is the Cervical Lip?" (finale)