Roxanne

One of the big regrets of my life was not seeing The Police in concert when they were together in the late 70s and early 80s. They're one of my favorite bands, and I don't really know why I never made an effort to see them live. I saw Sting live once and it was great, but it wasn't the same.

I might be able to get another chance. There are rumors swirling that the band is going to get together again this summer for a 30th anniversary tour, but before that happens they'll open the Grammy Awards on ABC on February 11. It's official now. Sting, Andy Summers, and Stewart Copeland will open the show. There are also rumors that they are rehearsing in Vancouver for that world tour, though nothing has been said beyond the Grammys gig.

Now...what song should they play to open the telecast?

(S05E13) Good evening. I have a brief statement, then I'll open the floor to questions.

I was informed by some commenters that my 'Xbox' joke, which appeared in last week's review of The Apprentice, was one of the worst ever written on Earth. Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to say... You're so right! It was horrible; the worst piece of comedy ever written since the premiere of Cop Rock. I can't believe I took a telephone gag that has been expertly performed by Bob Newhart and turned it into a pile of poop. Mr. Newhart is probably rolling around in his grave right now. I have no... Excuse me, my phone is ringing.

Oh hi, Keith (the lovely Keith McDuffee, another head blogger at TV Squad). What? Bob Newhart is alive? Oh, what does it matter! The joke was horrible and now my public hates me! Excuse me? I get paid no matter what our commenters think?

Oh.

And now, heeeerrrrreeeee's The Apprentice!

(S05E11) Ah, Rutgers; my old alma mater. The parties, the drinking, the pretty cheerleaders, nights of debauchery, days of hanging out with your fraternity brothers or sorority sisters, throwing up in the alley behind the student center.

Well, at least that's what I've heard: I spent most of my time working at the university's radio station. Still, they were some of the best years of my young life and I don't regret going to one of the largest (if not the largest) public university's in the state of New Jersey. So, I headed into this episode of The Apprentice with a bit more excitement than usual as I looked forward to seeing the New Brunswick campus obtain a bit of national glory, and to watch the Synergies and the Goldy Rushies try to sell as much food as possible during the Homecoming game.

And now, the crappy college food that is known as The Apprentice.

(S05E10) In Monday's fun-filled episode of The Apprentice, the Scooby gangs oversee the grand openings of two different hair salons. The title of the episode is 'Blow Out'. The Bravo cable network has a reality show named Blow Out, which focuses on the antics of a Hollywood hair salon and its owner. Bravo is owned by Universal, which also runs NBC.

Hmm. I smell network synergy.

Oh, before we begin the bloodletting I wanted to mention a few things that we learned this episode:

• Everyone thinks that Lee is a born politician;
• Trump thinks Tarek is a schmuck (but we all knew that already);
• For the millionth time, that's Donald Trump's real friggin' hair!

And now, the jello mold we call The Apprentice.

And, we're back.

(S05E09) After a lovely respite last week, The Apprentice has returned to Monday nights to torture entice us with the confusion and the back-stabbing that is the corporate world. Just to review, Synergy has gone on a four-week rout against Gold Rush. In the two episodes before the break, Lenny and Leslie were let go from Gold Rush, and now the rest of the team members are ready for a bit of revenge.

Do they get their revenge? Will your favorite person be fired next? Is that real hair on Donald Trump's head? Am I asking too many questions?

All that, and more, will be answered as you click ahead to the toxic waste dump known as The Apprentice.