(S05E01) "No penalties. No judgment. No fines. Absolute forgiveness. Plus coffee and snacks. " - Mick

If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought Tommy said that line. Talk about an Alcoholic's Anonymous mantra at the most base level - you screw up, it's OK. You can still come back have a cup of burnt Chock Full 'O Nuts.

Rescue Me itself is sort of in the same boat. After a lackluster and critically panned fourth season, the Denis Leary FDNY drama screwed up. Thanks in part to the writer's strike, an extended hiatus has given most fans time to forget and I, for one, have forgiven. Rescue Me is finally back after a year and a half, and I tell you what - burnt Chock Full 'O Nuts never tasted so good.

(S05E01) "You're gonna have to die, John." - Richard Alpert

Time travel! The future is now! later! here! gone! beginning! ending! OK, I give up. Lost is back and the future is... well, we don't know what the future is. Or the past. Or the present. All we know is what they were, because now they're just one big time travelin' mess.

As with seasons past of Lost, the fifth chapter of TV's favorite mindf*ck opens by presenting an entirely new storytelling technique - one that demands equal parts patience, attention, and imagination. More than anything, it's a test for true fans because the casual Lost viewer (do they exist?) probably had a hard time moving from A to Z (worst metaphor ever - I know) in tonight's season premiere. That being said, this whole hour gave me my own bloody nose.

As amazing as Lost is, I still hate it for one tiny reason - every time a new season begins, I get terrified that I won't "get it." If that happened, it would completely deflate my enjoyment of the show. While Lost has had its fair share of WTF episodes, most of them are decipherable after repeat viewings; season five's first two installments definitely fall into that category. It's like playing the sequel of your favorite video game - for the most part, the controls and game-play are the same, but there are enough changes that it still takes you a few hours to get a handle on it.

(S05E01/S05E02) "The person that invented the phrase 'happily ever after' should have his ass kicked so hard." - Meredith

Another September, another Grey's Anatomy season premiere. Hard to believe that we're already into a fifth season. But you know what isn't hard to believe? That we're still dealing with the same "Meredith and Derek - will they or won't they" mess. Grey's has reached the point that regardless of what happens, I'm going to keep watching it because I've invested too much of my time to walk away now. I really am a fan of the show, which is why I don't feel bad when I say that this was quite possibly the most ridiculous season premiere ever. It was all over the place like some strange metaphor for all the ups and downs Mer and Der have had over the years. A random army doctor, two limousine accidents, ninja attack icicles... and god, the cherry on top - Denny Duquette. Really?

(S05E01) "Our next film is Medellin - the ultra-violent story of Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar starring Vincent Chase in a fat-suit in bad make-up that makes him look like the love child of Jiminy Glick and a case of Twinkies." - Richard Roeper

Ouch. It's been six months since Cannes, Medellin is getting a straight-to-DVD release, and people are still talking about it. One of the worst films of the year. I can't say that I'm surprised. Considering how last season ended and what we've come to expect from Entourage, this felt less like a season premiere and more like just another episode. Vincent Chase can only stay down and out hidden in Mexico for so long before the allure of his almost dead career came calling.

(S05E01) "Hey, you got kids? If I were married to her... we'd be pumping 'em out!" - Carl

The return of everyone's favorite talking fast-food crime fighters. Except... they weren't in the episode at all, save for a brief phone conversation Carl had with Frylock. Many may have already seen this episode. It was a special feature on the recently released "Aqua Teen Hunger Force Zombie Ninja Pro-Am" video game. I never bought it, so it was new to me. Here's where it gets confusing though. In the grand scheme of ATHF, this is the 69th episode. However, if you reference the most recent Adult Swim TV schedule, the 70th episode was supposed to air tonight and this episode wasn't scheduled to have a TV premiere until March 23rd. Not like it's that much of a surprise. Adult Swim is known for just airing stuff whenever they feel like it. Remember last season's finale? Carl Wash? That one ended up airing almost a week early on a Friday night at around 3:00AM and it was never announced.

(S05E01) "The bigger the lie, the more they believe." - Bunk

The beginning of the end. But how do you put it into words? The Wire leaves you breathless at the end of every episode. Every season features such a slow and deliberate pacing as it starts off as well as a new focus. It's not hard to figure out why so many people never stuck with it after McNulty's fateful meeting with Judge Phelan. But the real fans, the ones who have watched each season countless times and dissected every tiny detail (there's an infinite list), truly know that it's worth it every time. This show is art. In the streets. Down at the port. In City Hall. In the schools. And now in the newsroom. Every season is a puzzle piece and we're finally lucky enough to see the last one. I'm completely ripping off HBO with this next line, but there really isn't a better way to say this: it's all connected.

(S05E01) "I feel like I'm trying to sell semen at a whore house." - Christian

Life just ain't easy for Sean McNamara and Christian Troy. They moved out to LA thinking it would bring them a fresh start. Sean had just put a messy divorce with Julia to bed. Christian had backed out of his engagement to Michelle. They needed a new beginning. After pouring all their money into a new state-of-the-art Rodeo Drive operation and recovery facility, what do they have to show for it? Nothing. Saying that you "almost" did some work on Joan Rivers isn't exactly a great resume when no one has heard of you.

The set-up was to be expected. Of course it wasn't going to be easy. Everyone is a plastic surgeon in Hollywood. But it's been two months since they switched coasts and the money is running thin. That's where this season of Nip/Tuck draws its plot from and watching Sean and Christian crack the secrets of their new celebrity infested locale is plenty of fun for us viewers. I think we've got a good season in store.

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(S05E01) I love this show and I'm thoroughly excited that it's back. I still think it's the best in the CSI franchise and after last year's cliffhanger, this is the one premiere that I've honestly been looking forward to. We pick up right where we left off, with Horatio and Delko in pursuit of Antonio Riaz, the drug kingpin responsible for the death of Horatio's wife (and Delko's sister) Marisol. Riaz has fled the country thanks to the deal he cut with the Feds. Next stop? Brazil.

Not sure how long these are going to be available, but right now you can download episodes of 24 for free from MySpace. It's being sponsored by Burger King, so I assume it's only for a limited time. Two episodes are available to download or stream, and they're good ones if you ask me:

• Day 1: 12:00AM to 1:00AM, the pilot episode.
• Day 5: 7:00AM to 8:00AM, the season five premiere.

Eventually, MySpace will begin to offer more episodes of 24 for the standard $1.99 per episode.

And on a semi-related note, your Jack Bauer fact of the day: "One time Jack Bauer went into a Burger King and ordered a Big Mac. And he got it."