My wife gave birth to our first son three months ago, so names have been on my mind recently. A name says a lot about a person: strong names help kids to grow up to be television news personalities or American Ninjas (Wolf Blitzer and Joe Armstrong, respectively). Weak names, on the other hand, lead to name calling in grade school and sad lives of quiet desperation in adulthood.

Television has given us a large catalog of super-cool names to choose from. Since TV is all about wish fulfillment, it's rare for a character to be given a truly terrible name. Sometimes, though, a terrible name slips through the network sieve and luckily for all of us, TV Squad is there to catch it. The five worst names in the history of television after the jump...