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October 7, 2015

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert Wants to Host a Republican Presidential Debate (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Dec 7th 2011 4:00AM
'The Colbert Report'With news breaking that Donald Trump is planning to host a Republican presidential debate, Stephen Colbert decided on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central) that he was going to host one as well. Only his was going to be even more outrageous than Trump's, as he proved in a very long, detailed -- and only somewhat crazy -- rant.

He said it would air on Animal Planet and be some time in January, which means he really hasn't put much forethought into it, much like his 'March to Keep Fear Alive.' In that case, he wound up tagging along on Jon Stewart's 'Rally to Restore Sanity,' and the double event was a huge success.

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Stephen Colbert vs. Jimmie Johnson in Office Chair Race (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Dec 6th 2011 4:00AM
Jimmie Johnson, 'The Colbert Report'After a perfectly lovely interview with five-time Sprint Cup winning NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson, Stephen Colbert got down to what really mattered on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central). He challenged Johnson to a race.

And none of that namby-pamby racing in cars for this race. Nor would it be a foot race. Instead, it was to be a simple two lap circuit around the raised interview platform ... in their rolling office chairs. It was a brutal affair, but as it was all turns, Johnson found it incredibly hard to get past Colbert throughout the race, until a late rally on the last lap leading to a photo finish.

But where was the trophy?

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Richard Branson Brings a Fire Extinguisher to a Water Fight on 'Colbert' (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Dec 2nd 2011 4:00AM
Richard Branson, 'The Colbert Report'Richard Branson came for his interview on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central) prepared. For what wasn't immediately clear, though Stephen Colbert wondered about the fire extinguisher Branson was brandishing.

Branson explained that all will be determined based on how well the interview went. He was there to plug his book and talk about the civic responsibilities that corporations and the 1% should take on. The interview seemed to go just fine, but that didn't change Branson's plan.

As Colbert went for the bottle of water he'd stashed beforehand, Branson armed himself with the extinguisher and what ensued was a mess of a battle that we think Branson came out on top of. He only got wet. Colbert was coated in white.

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Did the iPhone App Siri Sleep With Hermain Cain, Too? (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Dec 1st 2011 4:30AM
'The Colbert Report'After discovering that Siri, the intelligent iPhone app, has difficulty understanding people speaking English with a foreign accent, Stephen Colbert had a brilliant idea. "Maybe she should run for President," he said on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central).

After all, she is apparently "just as scared of illegal aliens as I am." Colbert even tweaked her so she would respond to people with accents in an insulting and unwelcoming manner. But before she could announce her bid for candidacy, there was one question he had to get out of the way.

Colbert asked the app if she'd had an affair with Herman Cain. "I was young and I needed the job," she replied. America has proven it can forgive past indiscretions, so we wouldn't rule her out just yet.

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Stephen Colbert Pleads With Herman Cain to Stay in the Race (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 30th 2011 4:00AM
'The Colbert Report'With the latest allegations that he sustained a 13-year extra-marital affair, Herman Cain is reportedly taking some time off to consider if he should stay in the race. Stephen Colbert took to the airwaves on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central) to plead with him to stay.

"I'm saying this not just as a supporter, but as a broadcaster," Colbert said. "I need you in the race!"

He went on to say that this is an improvement over previous allegations as it shows he can sustain a consensual long-term relationship. Besides, he's still one affair behind Gingrich, who pundits are saying will be the likely recipient of lapsed Cain supporters. Guess the newer affair story is more important than the old ones.

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Colbert Encourages Non-Lethal Force While Holiday Shopping (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 29th 2011 4:30AM
'The Colbert Report'A little pushing and shoving is all part of the rush of holiday shopping. In a free market, it's about who you have to crush to get what you want, right? But Stephen Colbert made a plea to all the crazed shoppers out there on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central).

"It is the holiday season, celebrating Jesus, the prince of peace," he reminded us. "So please use non-lethal force only."

After all, we've seen this year how effective pepper spray can be in getting people to move out of your way, so why not try tear gas or tasers? Maybe set up an impromptu paintball session in your local store. So long as you get what you want, who's going to get hurt (other than all of those people who are going to get hurt)?

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Stephen Colbert Upset About People's 'Sexiest Man Alive' Selection (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 18th 2011 4:00AM
'The Colbert Report'Stephen Colbert wasn't even the most upset that he wasn't listed in 'People' magazine's latest 'Sexiest Man Alive' issue on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central). No, he just didn't understand their need to declare Bradley Cooper the sexiest man alive, when past winner Matthew McConaughey is still hanging around.

In fact, he jumped all the way back to when Nick Nolte was declared 'Sexiest Man Alive' and showed a picture of him from today still looking ... uh ... well, that wasn't a very good example. But the point remains that Colbert says this is a title you should hold until you die. Especially if they ever honor him with that title, and we mean more than just a quick nod on the website.

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Colbert Sets Up Demonstration to Pepper Spray a 10-Year Old Boy (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 17th 2011 4:30AM
'The Colbert Report'At 4'10' and 84 years old, you might not think the woman pepper-sprayed at the Occupy Seattle event deserved such treatment, but Stephen Colbert was assured when authorities said that pepper spray is no more harmful for children or the elderly than it is for adults. So he set out to prove this on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central).

He invited a 10-year old boy to come up to the desk and then prepare to get pepper sprayed. After all, if it's good enough for great-grandma, than it's good enough for this innocent young man. Of course, no one was actually hurt, and especially because Colbert mock-sprayed himself, but it was a strong visual representation of how ridiculous the statement was. If only they'd offered the old woman some Gogurt.

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Elijah Wood and Stephen Colbert Compare 'LOTR' Sting Swords (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 16th 2011 4:00AM
Elijah Wood, 'The Colbert Report'Elijah Wood may have come on to 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central) to promote his work on 'Happy Feet Two,' but he knew that the conversation would eventually make its way to Middle Earth. Stephen Colbert is absolutely one of the biggest 'Lord of the Rings' fans on the planet.

As a treat, Wood brought one of the actual Sting swords he used during the filming of the trilogy, but of course Colbert already has one, presented to him by director Peter Jackson. So the two squared off in an impossible Sting vs. Sting battle. It's too bad no orcs were nearby so both swords could glow.

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Colbert Addresses Bachmann's Accusation of Liberal Media Bias Against Her (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 15th 2011 5:15AM
'The Colbert Report'Michele Bachmann was clearly not happy with how things went on the CBS Republican debate this past Saturday night. She didn't get a post-debate sit down, and felt she wasn't given equal opportunity during the debate. On 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central), Stephen Colbert had her response to the slights.

The meet at the end was cancelled because the network didn't feel she would get many questions and her poll numbers weren't that strong. Of course, Bachmann's camp wasn't supposed to know all of this -- blame "Reply All" for that one. So she took to the air calling it a liberal bias on the part of CBS.

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Brian Eno Joins Stephen Colbert and Michael Stipe Singing 'Lean on Me' (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 11th 2011 4:15AM
Brian Eno, Michael Stipe, 'The Colbert Report'As 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central) was coming to a close, Stephen Colbert stood by his wall of memorabilia and talked about the breakup of R.E.M. The band had been on his show before, and he was a huge fan of their music.

But rather than put their latest compilation CD on the shelf, he decided to take it a step further and put Michael Stipe on the shelf, who gamely allowed himself to be perched on a shelf and spruced up for display.

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Stephen Colbert's Ice Cream Beats Jimmy Fallon's With Science (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 10th 2011 4:45AM
Jimmy Fallon, 'The Colbert Report'With Dippin' Dots struggling financially, Stephen Colbert sought out to find the next "Ice Cream of the Future" on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central). He decided it should probably be his Ben & Jerry's flavor, Americone Dream.

But also he wanted to beat Jimmy Fallon's Late Night Snack flavor in something, since his "Eternal Enemy for Six Months" is apparently beating him in sales. So he brought in a scientist and a gadget we didn't understand even after it was explained.

The bottom line was that it enabled a small container of Americone Dream to float through the air, which automatically makes it the ice cream of the future, and perhaps more importantly, better than Late Night Snack.

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Stephen Colbert Tells Seth Meyers He Wants to Host 'SNL' (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 9th 2011 3:45AM
Seth Meyers, 'The Colbert Report'When Seth Meyers took time out from a busy week of preparations for a new 'Saturday Night Live' to appear on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central), an interesting question was raised.

It was when Stephen Colbert professed his interest in being an 'SNL' host that things got interesting. Meyers asked if he could do any characters -- itself a funny question considering that Colbert is essentially a character -- and he did a relatively awful Robert De Niro impression. But how would Colbert host? Would he be 'Colbert Report' Stephen or would he be himself?

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Colbert Explains How Rep. Larry Taylor's Bigotry Happened (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 8th 2011 5:15AM
'The Colbert Report'When Texas state Representative Larry Taylor used the expression "Jew him down," he immediately knew he'd made a mistake. It was a split second before he followed with, "That's probably a bad term." Stephen Colbert broke down what happened on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central).

Using a photograph, he drew on it enough to make John Madden proud in laying out the two sides of Taylor's brain. One side houses ethnic stereotypes, Colbert explained, while the other knows they are wrong. But in Taylor's brain they got separated, meaning the right side said it and the left side didn't know what was happening until it entered his left ear, "triggering the medula-I-f*****-up-a-lotta."

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Colbert Sexually Harasses His Intern to Help Raise Money for His Super PAC (VIDEO)

by Jason Hughes, posted Nov 4th 2011 5:00AM
'The Colbert Report'Herman Cain's campaign continues to be rocked by sexual harassment allegations, with a third woman now coming forward. And yet, as discussed on 'The Colbert Report' (Weeknights, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central), these allegations are having absolutely no impact on Cain's ability to raise money.

This gave Stephen Colbert a brilliant idea to help him raise even more money for Colbert Super PAC. He trotted out Jay the Intern and, to protect his anonymity, had him put on a leather fetish mask. Then, as Colbert started to feed him strawberries through the zippered hole -- all of which seems pretty normal to us -- a 'Technical Difficulties' graphic went up.

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