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April 23, 2014

The Glenn Beck Program

Glenn Beck Attacks 'Jersey Shore' As 'Poison' (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Jan 28th 2011 4:35PM
Well, it's official: Glenn Beck does not like 'Jersey Shore.' On 'Glenn Beck' (weekdays, 5 PM ET on Fox News), he lamented the fact that the reality show is attracting more viewers than ever before.

"I don't think most Americans even recognize some of the things that pass for entertainment on TV is actually poison. This is the 'Jersey Shore,'" Beck explained, as a clip in the background showed a furious girl-fight between two of the housemates.

"'Jersey Shore' just last week broke the viewing record -- 8.9 million viewers on MTV," Beck continued.

Then Beck read a synopsis of the record-breaking episode, which featured Snooki being released from jail for disorderly conduct.

"Why would this crap attract 9 million people?" Beck cried.

Pot, meet kettle.

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Glenn Beck Adds a Bunny Rabbit and a Chainsaw to His Repertoire (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Jan 25th 2011 11:04PM
On Tuesday, Glenn Beck cold opened the 'Glenn Beck Program'(weekdays, 5PM ET on Fox News) with a bunny rabbit in his arms.

"I'm like a really crappy evil villain, aren't I?" Beck explained, while he stroked the rabbit like a really crappy evil villain would.

After a couple minutes of doing this -- while talking about Barack Obama's upcoming State of the Union address -- Beck handed the rabbit to one of his producers, and then produced a chainsaw.

"Now, am I going to cut the cute little bunny rabbit in half?" Beck teased, while brandishing the power tool.

"I might. I will tell you that we will start (the chainsaw) by the end of the program. What does that have to do with the bunny rabbit? Well, you're going to have to tune in and find out."

Spoiler alert: Beck gives the chainsaw to a lumberjack-looking guy who cuts a bunch of tree trunks on set.

However, since Beck tends to use his props for more than just one episode, that bunny is not out of the woods yet.

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Glenn Beck Calls 'Spider-Man' Musical the 'Eighth Wonder of the World' (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Jan 14th 2011 5:20PM
The Broadway rock musical 'Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark' has been plagued by technical difficulties, on-stage injuries and mixed reviews. However, it has one passionate fan in Glenn Beck, who raved about it on Thursday's 'The Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays, 5PM ET on Fox News.)

"Last night I went to 'Spider-Man' here in New York City for the second time. It is the eighth wonder of the world," Beck proclaimed.

Beck then produced a photo of him hanging out after the show with Bono -- who wrote the lyrics and music to 'Turn Off the Dark.'

"What a nice guy," Beck said of Bono, reporting that the unlikely duo talked for 30 minutes backstage.

So not only is the Spider-man musical allegedly awesome, but it also has the power to bridge even the broadest of political divides. And you know what they say: With great power, comes great responsibility. Okay, we'll stop now.

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Glenn Beck Unplugs Red Phone, Calls for Revolution (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Jan 5th 2011 3:00PM
Glenn Beck returned from his holiday break Tuesday and promptly disconnected the red phone he had installed on the set of 'The Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays, 5 PM ET on Fox News).

Beck had installed the phone in hopes that progressive leaders would call the show and offer their reassuring counter-arguments to the economic gloom and doom Beck regularly preaches on-air.

"They never called, they never will call, I'm not waiting for their call anymore," Beck said, before disconnecting the phone.

"The left wants a violent revolution," Beck continued, seemingly emboldened by the symbolic disconnecting of the phone. "Tonight, I am going to issue my own call for a revolution, except this call is for a personal revolution. And let it begin right now!"

Well, happy 2011 to you, Glenn. Please just let us know if the revolution will be televised.

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Glenn Beck's Oprah-Like Giveaway Leaves Audience Unimpressed (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Dec 15th 2010 8:23PM
Channeling Oprah's "Favorite Things" episodes, Glenn Beck gave gifts to the studio audience at Tuesday's 'Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays 5PM ET on Fox News).

Beck admitted that the quality of his gifts wouldn't match Winfrey's legendary giveaway largess, and then jokingly admonished his audience for not getting more excited about what was soon to come. "You're supposed to cry and stuff," he pointed out. "Wow, this audience sucks."

Their response was even more tepid when he announced his first gift -- a survival backpack, chock full of all the accessories needed for the end of the world as we know it.

"It's a Christmas survival bag," Beck explained. "Ho, ho, ho, we're all going to die."

We can't really blame the crowd for being less than bowled over by Beck's offering. Once he signaled the survivalist-theme to his Favorite Things giveaway, we were hoping he'd give away some of that valuable gold he's been talking about so much lately.

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Glenn Beck Turns on Sarah Palin Over Her Criticism of Julian Assange and WikiLeaks (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Dec 10th 2010 5:30PM
Over the past several weeks, Glenn Beck has emerged as one of the most ardent defenders of WikiLeaks' Julian Assange, though Beck has made it clear he doesn't like the man personally and thinks he's trying to hurt America.

Beck has previously defended Assange against the sexual assault charges he is facing in Sweden, and on Thursday's 'The Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays 5PM ET on Fox News) he blasted a group of political figures who have expressed a desire to shut WikiLeaks down, or take Assange out.

Pointing to a chalkboard, Beck rattled off the following list of names: "Eric Holder, Senator McConnell, Senator McCaskill ... Senator Lieberman, Mike Huckabee, Senator Feinstein ... Senator Christoper Bond ... Sarah Palin," he added, with a pronounced sadness in his voice. Later, Beck criticized Palin for a statement she made urging the U.S. government to go after Assange like a terrorist.

Beck's reason for defending Assange seems to be that he believes Assange is merely a small, insignificant part of a (surprise, surprise) larger conspiracy.

Whatever the reason, a Beck/Palin feud would be great for Cable TV, Twitter, and would certainly add an extra layer of intrigue to the duo's much joked-about 2012 presidential ticket.

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Glenn Beck Uses His Lady Voice to Explain the Julian Assange 'Sex by Surprise' Charge (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Dec 8th 2010 6:45PM
On Tuesday's 'The Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays, 5PM ET on Fox News) Beck tried to explain the complicated series of events between Julian Assange and his two Swedish accusers that led to Assange's arrest on charges of rape, sexual assault and sex by surprise.

Using cut-out photos of Barbie dolls as props, Beck employed his infamous lady voice and recreated a twisted account of an entirely fictional conversation between Assange's two accusers.

"Hey, you should really meet her," Beck squealed, imitating they way he imagined Assange's first accuser introduced the WikiLeaks mastermind to his second accuser. "Even though we just had sex, you should meet her."

And it devolved from there. We would have preferred if Beck went all out and used his ever-present puppets in his fanciful recreation, but that would probably have gotten too dirty for his late-afternoon audience.

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Glenn Beck Really Digs Depression Era Women (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Dec 1st 2010 5:05PM
On the 'Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays, 5 PM ET on Fox News) Beck was comparing the poor people of 2010 -- almost all of who have televisions, cars and cell phones -- to the poor people of the Great Depression, who had no such luxuries.

While doing so, he produced some rare depression-era color photographs of poor folks, and then became quite excited about the woman in the photos.

"Look at how proud she is," Beck said, pointing to a shot of a man and a woman. "Look at her confidence, look at the way she's standing, look at her face. She's proud, she's strong."

Then Beck put up a picture of the same woman at the dinner table with her family. "Look at her," he gushed. "This is poverty."

Glenn Beck isn't always so sympathetic to the impoverished. But in light of his enthusiasm for the ladies of the Great Depression, maybe he'd be more in tune with the plight of the current poor if they started wearing beat up old house dresses or the always-striking barrel-and-suspender ensemble.

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Glenn Beck: Stewart and Colbert's Brand of Fake News Turns People Into Sheep (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Nov 24th 2010 3:38PM
Various studies have found that a good chunk of Americans -- particularly younger Americans -- use fake news programs like 'The Daily Show' and 'The Colbert Report' as their primary news source.

Glenn Beck (weekdays, 5 PM ET on Fox News) thinks this is turning our nation into a bunch of mindless followers:

"What better way to keep people sheep than making sure -- and I'm part of this -- making sure that people get their news from a comedian?" Beck said.

"At least I'm giving it in context. I'm trying to make the news entertaining to bring people in. But Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, that's not news. That's a monologue. That's jokes."

Now that Beck has made this connection between comedy and sheep-like behavior, we can't help but wonder if he might start peppering his Goldline commercials with witty one-liners and knock-knock jokes.

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Glenn Beck Details Gift He Received From George Soros: DVD of 'A Face in the Crowd' (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Nov 10th 2010 3:15PM
For the past week, Glenn Beck has been talking up the "Puppet Master," the nefarious, but unnamed person Beck believes is pulling all the strings on the political system from behind the scenes.

On the 'Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays, 5 PM ET on Fox News) Tuesday, he revealed the Puppet Master to be George Soros, the financier and contributor to progressive causes that Beck has long painted as a bogeyman on his show.

Beck also spoke about a strange meeting between a George Soros representative and one of his producers, in which Soros' associate presented Beck's producer with a DVD of the movie "A Face in the Crowd" to give to Beck.

The 1957 film is about a drunk, Lonesome Rhodes, who transformers himself into a famous talk show host before being revealed as a liar and fraud. (Beck has admitted to struggling with alcoholism before his career took off.) The movie ends with Rhodes screaming from a balcony and contemplating suicide.

"Mr. Soros, I'm not going to jump, I'm also not Lonesome Rhodes, but I appreciate that you think about me," was Beck's message to Soros.

Beck then added that Soros is always "welcome on this program to spend on hour with me."

Given Beck's love of unusual props, and Soros' apparent tendency toward symbolic gifts, it would be an interesting hour indeed.

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Glenn Beck Uses Puppets To Describe Potential GOP Post-Election Schism (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Nov 4th 2010 3:05PM
While other TV pundits used historical comparisons and exit polls to explain what happened during the election, Glenn Beck turned to puppets. On 'The Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays, 5 PM ET Fox News) the arts-and-crafts oriented host used a puppet-show, and his vaunted lady voice when describing the struggle between the Tea Party insurgents and the Republican establishment.

"Hi, I'm Tea Party gal, and I got a lot of votes for the new Tea Party people," Beck said in a high-pitched voice, as he manipulated a female puppet using marionette strings.

"I'm the establishment, and I'm coming to get you" was what the deeper-voiced male puppet had to say.

"It feels like we are watching a puppet show," Beck then said, no longer in character. "Who does the puppet belong to? Who's up above the stage? Whose hands are these? Who do the hands belong to? What are their real intentions?"

Beck promised to answer all these important questions next week. However, one couldn't help but notice that he seemed pretty happy pulling the strings himself.

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Glenn Beck Thanks Media Matters, George Soros for Making Him Successful (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Oct 21st 2010 4:20PM
George Soros has just given a million dollars to Media Matters, a liberal watchdog website that monitors the conservative media. Glenn Beck has long been one of Media Matters' primary targets, and on 'The Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays, 5 PM ET on Fox News) Beck took time out to address Soros' gift.

"I want to take a moment to give a sincere thank you to George Soros and the folks at Media Matters," Beck said. "In 2004, when we got our first Media Matters alert, we were only on about 40 stations on radio and I wasn't even on TV yet," Beck explained.

Then the Beckster detailed how Media Matters has mentioned him approximately 50,000 times since 2004, and how now he is on over 400 radio stations, has a popular cable show, and is a best selling author.

If one were to argue that Media Matters helped push Glenn Beck to greatness, one would also have to concede that Glenn Beck has done wonders for Media Matters -- which is now absorbing huge gifts from philanthropists.

In fact, Beck and Media Matters should just stop pretending to be enemies and run off somewhere to have millions of babies together.

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Glenn Beck Decries the Media's Coverage of the 2010 Election (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Oct 19th 2010 11:01PM
'The Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays, 5PM ET on Fox News) tends to exist in its own world of gold hording, the coming economic apocalypse, and discussion of overarching political philosophy that rarely gets into the weeds of horse-race politics.

On Tuesday, Beck took a look at some of the specific candidates running for office in 2010, and even the self-described "rodeo clown" was shocked at what he saw.

"I don't even recognize things, we're watching a circus. It's a sideshow. The media is the reason. Let's just make the media Barnum & Bailey," Beck said, accusing the press of highlighting wacky candidates over good candidates.

What was telling was Beck was able to draw this conclusion by focusing on the now-famous freak show of a debate for New York Governor, South Carolina's Alvin Greene, and Levi Johnston's strange reality-TV fueled political career. He didn't even have to mention any of the Tea Party candidates gone weird and wild that have garnered so much attention.

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Glenn Beck Breaks Out His Lady Voice in Covoluted Fable About U.S. Debt Ceiling (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Oct 19th 2010 12:34PM
On 'The Glenn Beck program' (Weekdays, 5 PM ET on Fox News) Beck proved his versatility as a broadcaster by playing both the male and the female character in a meandering metaphor he was sharing about a married couple that goes gambling in Las Vegas. Beck was trying to use the story to explain how the U.S. government encourages Americans to spend money they don't have, but between his lady voice and the myriad twists and turns his tale took, his message may have gotten lost in the wash.

"Let's say you and your wife are going to Vegas. And your wife is like . . ." Beck said, normally, before switching gears to a high pitched, feminine voice.

"Honey, I don't think this is a good idea, we're really broke," Beck squealed. The dialogue between the wife and the husband continued for over a minute, and sadly ended with them $150,000 in debt.

Some have said that Beck's ultimate goal is to be the next Oprah, not the next Bill O'Reilly. So maybe we'll be hearing more and more of his daytime TV friendly lady voice in the future.

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Glenn Beck Tells His Followers to Stop Using Hateful Language on the Internet (VIDEO)

by Jeremy Taylor, posted Oct 14th 2010 9:07PM
Glenn Beck took a few days off from 'The Glenn Beck Program' (weekdays, 5PM ET on Fox News) due to medical issues, and he apparently spent the down time reading political blogs.

On his return to TV Wednesday he bemoaned the over-the-top ill will that exists in the political blogosphere: First the vitriol directed at him, and then the hatred some of his followers direct at others.

"Don't write and engage in the hatred. It is sucking us in ... if you really believe (the hateful) things you posted in my defense, I don't want anything to do with you," Beck told his followers.

"If you are writing on a blog or whatever, would you do yourself a favor, before you hit enter on your computer, ask yourself this ... Is that who I want to be?" Beck continued.

Between this advice, and Beck's previously documented distaste for goofy costumes and silly T-shirts, how are Beck's loyal viewers supposed to have any fun?

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