U.s.SpeedskatingTeam

Man, I wish I was Stephen Colbert. No, you don't understand. I REALLY wish I was Stephen Colbert.

If I ever become a celebrity stalker who's ultimate goal is to obtain the essence of my beloved targets by peeling the skin off their bodies and wearing it as a full body scuba diving suit, Colbert would be at the top of my list.

Now I can add another reason to that creepy list I keep hidden away in my heating vent. His and the Colbert Nation's recent efforts to fund the U.S. Olympics' speed skating team for the 2010 Winter Olympics have earned him a sport on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

All I can say about it is one thing: thank you. Yes, thank you uncredited SI photographer for strategically positioning Colbert's elbow over his crotch as he posed in that skin tight speed suit. Or rather, America thanks you.

It's been two days worth of new episodes now and Stephen Colbert has suddenly stopped talking about his beloved Olympic speed skating team. It's a surprise since the man has given more props to his sponsorship of the team than Gatorade does for the Super Bowl.

That may be because team member Shani Davis called Colbert a "jerk" for running his smear campaign against the Canadians, a smear campaign that seemed to get the Canadians to back and give his team practice time on Canada's ice. It even almost seemed as though Colbert was going to address the name-calling in his opening "Who's Attacking Me Now" segment on Monday, but instead went into the comments made by White House Recovery Act Coordinator G. Edward DeSeve.

Should Colbert call out Davis for his name calling and more importantly, will he?