The networks have been getting their collective panties in a bunch over Barack Obama's need to go on television every time gravity starts to effect the Dow Jones Industrial Average.

They claim it not only screws up their schedule, but it also costs them millions in advertising revenue. Normally, I'd say that anything that keeps more advertising from pouring out of my TV and infecting my eyeballs with its sludge of persuasion (brought to you by the makers of the Gelatin of Ignorance and the Gas of Shame) is a good thing, but they do have a point.

And unlike most TV talking heads, past and current White House Chiefs of Staff or people who donated half of their brain to science (that last one may be a redundancy), there are two sides to every story. So here's a breakdown of the lovers and the haters of the Barack Obama TV brewhaha.

The last week ever of Late Night with Conan O'Brien was bound to include a few shockers. And while I'm still hoping that one of them won't be the failure to launch of Andy Richter's homecoming, another bigger staple came to an end and was probably followed by a long nap and an anthill of shame and loneliness.

Conan held a going away sketch for one of the show's most popular and least marketable characters, the Masturbating Bear.

If you haven't seen this infamous character "in action," feel yourself (not that way sicko) among the fortunate because it's one of the most hilarious and personally shameful moments you will ever experience in your life. Greater even than your prom, your cousin's drunken wedding and your first college beer party where you woke up with one less eyebrow combined.

OK, so we've all seen that surreal video of William Shatner "singing" Elton John's "Rocketman" at the 1978 Science Fiction Awards (and Stewie's version), but I bet you probably haven't seen Kojak taking a shot at Bread's "If."

I'm not sure what's scarier: Telly Savalas coming off as Blofeld trying to sing a love song (it's like he's going to announce his plans for world domination, but he has to sing this ode to his girlfriend first) or the giant head of the actress who is on the screen in back of Savalas. It must have been kind of odd to be her, just being told to "just stand there and look like Loretta Swit's sister." Full video after the jump!