aasif mandvi

Jon must have had some overenthusiastic audience members who didn't have anything better to do all day but wait in line for the Daily Show. Just for the record, you normally don't have to wait earlier than 1:30 - 2:00 p.m. to get the first spots in the queue. However, if crazy 10:00-ers happen to come on the same day, then you're out of luck, at least in terms of getting the "hardcore fan" bragging rights of being first in line. It doesn't necessarily guarantee the best seats in the house, as I had to find out the hard way.

Following the Daily Show's report on the FAA, American Airlines canceled one thousand flights for inspection. Coincidence? Yeah, actually, probably.

"Iraq Me Dave Petraeus Part 2": Ahh, the intro this segment will never get old. Thank goodness Commanding General Dave Petraeus is still talking crazy, because I love me some faux-Falco. Anyway, Petraeus pulled out his best graphs to testify in front of Congress. He even managed to squeeze in an "ethno-sectarian competition". No "civil war"? That is one sweet thesaurus, Petraeus.

"Indecision 2008": Remember how Michigan and Florida had their primaries early and nobody cared? Yeah, well now people totally do care and they want do-overs. Didn't see the neck-and-neck race coming, did ya? I know some other things were discussed, but I can't quite remember. My brain actually fizzled out once they showed the Michigan mitten/Florida wang wank. What is The Daily Show putting their graphics department through? First the 9/11 sex bed and now... this. I hope they don't show it again, because I've heard it might lead to blindness or a hairy Lansing.

"Indecision 2008": Finally, some Tuesday coverage. Unsurprisingly, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama fought all the way through, with Clinton pulling ahead just enough to claim major victories. John McCain has already pretty much locked up the Republican nomination and Mike Huckabee, um, was Mike Huckabee. I'm usually not very fond of the gag jokes, but the giant hands worked well, if only for that "Oh, Mickey!" bit.

"Indecision 2008": Did you know Super Tuesday was on Tuesday? The media did a poor job of making us think that the five to six hours leading up the results were "fascinating". They didn't help their point by hurling numbers every which way. As if to add to the confusion, the news teams goofed around with unnecessary flashy graphics, like that "statistical lazy susan", and FOX News' newest player, Karl Rove. Yes, Rove has joined FOX News. Don't think about it too much or your heart will seize up.

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"Strait of Hormuz Incident": There was almost a huge showdown at sea when US warships received a transmission from Iranian gunboats saying, "I'm coming at you! You will explode in two minutes!" Poorly worded, but still pretty scary. Jon attempted to translate the Iranian side of the transmission by dragging in hapless Aasif Mandvi. Even though Mandvi and Dorito-munching Rob Riggle were only onscreen for, like, two minutes, it was still nice to see correspondents sticking around.

In some less angry news, President Bush and his new BFFs, Israeli President Peres and Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, had a nice vacay together. Of course, no vacation is complete without severe ass-kissing and a little girl singing a foreign version of "Over the Rainbow" while distributing roses. By the way, I've learned that I will always laugh just a little too hard whenever Jon does that stupid high-pitched "Hellooo!" or, in this case, "Shalooom!" Oh, it gets me every time.

The Daily Show correspondents and analysts and very busy and important, so viewers will probably never get a chance to see the everyone show off their comedic chops at the same time. So, pore over this his GQ blog post, because it's probably going to be the closest thing we'll get to a display of their group genius.

In the article, the correspondents share their thoughts on various presidential candidates and some of their strangely hot wives. They also seem to have spent quite a bit of time thinking about the magic weight loss of both Mike Huckabee and Subway's Jared (Samantha Bee: "They've both got one pair of giant pants somewhere in their closet that they pull out every so often: Now three of me can fit in these pants!"). I don't think this is an excerpt from a larger, soon to be in-print piece, but I'm still holding out a little hope.

"The Strife Aquatic": I'm so glad Jon called out the fact that the "liberal dictionary" was just a children's Bible. I kept thinking, "The liberal dictionary has an awful lot of pictures, Jon. Quit perpetuating liberal stereotypes! We read good." Anyway, torture is no good. Usually. Kind of depends one your definition for "torture", apparently. Also, I just realized that I may have been using "waterboarding" instead of "bodyboarding" for most of my childhood. Seeing as how I've lived in beachy Florida for most of my life, "bodyboarding" has come up quite a bit. Oops.

Hey, Viacom, don't screw this up. After being hated by YouTube-visiting Daily Show fans everywhere, Viacom is taking a big step in making up cool points. Starting today, Viacom will have every minute of the Daily Show, dating all the way back to the first episode in 1999, online at DailyShow.com. Sorry, Craig Kilborn lovers, it's just ol' Jonny Stew and his crew.

Of course, this move is probably less about pleasing the fans and more about the mad cash that Viacom will make in advertising. Hopefully the ads won't be too intrusive on the videos and folks will be able to watch their favorite "This Week In God" without being bombarded with Lars and the Real Girl imagery.

Taco Bell is moving back to Mexico. Yes, I said "back" because Daily Show failed to mention that this isn't Taco Bell's first attempt at taking their business to the country. Obviously, they shut down after two years, but I guess they felt like it was necessary to re-introduce tacos to the Mexican people.

"This Armenian Strife": It's just a fact: This American Life references are the greatest. It adds a bit of cheekiness to the not-so-fun topic of genocide. Senior Armeniologist Aasif Mandvi joined in to share his thoughts on playing down those not-so-fun situations. Only the Daily Show could get away with turning the "Holocaust" into a "Half-a-caust".

"Is That Really Necessary?": John McCain wants to have a Christian president. We'll make it happen, McCain, we'll make it happen. FOR YOU.

"Here Comes the Grudge": On the first day of the Supreme Court's return, Clarence Thomas' book was released, chock full of revealing information on how much Thomas really hates everyone and thinks that John Roberts dresses too provocatively. I think Daily Show only brought this up because they wanted an excuse to crack all the "Coke and pubic hair" jokes that they've had stored up since the last time they've had the opportunity to make fun of Thomas. Senior Legal Analyst Jason Jones stopped by to say some things. I honestly lost all memory of everything else he covered when he said "furry pop-top". Eww.

First of all, the Daily Show team must have been madly in love with that "translating gibberish" joke because that set up was way too elaborate, with very little pay-off. I'll just pretend they did it mainly as a segue to the UN Summit story. Yes. That's it.

"Showdown at the UN Corral": At the UN General Assembly, Bush and Iran's Ahmadinejad had a face-to-face showdown without actually coming face-to-face. Bush also seemed to get some, uh, interesting reactions from representatives from certain countries during his speech.

"War Wars": Bush has said many times over that he feels that this war is a different kind of war. We now know that he really meant that the war is just like 'Nam. I also liked Jon's weak spit takes. Senior Political Correspondent Aasif Mandvi elaborated on Bush's notes on Vietnam. Mandvi seems like he's slowly developing a character? I'm sensing a bit of Colbert-esque smarminess.

"Operation Silent Thunder": Senior Baghdad Correspondent Rob Riggle reported live from Baghdad... Seriously. It was cooler than Aasif Mandvi, the other Senior Baghdad Correspondent, and his pretend-adventure while standing in front of the green screen, but I was pretty disappointed that Riggle didn't present anything crazy from his Iraq experiences. I suppose we'll have to keep waiting and see what he comes up with during the week. By the way: Apocalypse Now references will never, ever get old.

"President Bush: In His Own Words": FOX News' Neil Cavuto had a chat with his good buddy President Bush. Of course, much ass-kissing ensued. However, even with all the creepy love from Cavuto (or perhaps because of it), Bush managed to stumble over his words. Naturally, more coverage of Bush's clumsy talk followed, including clips of his failure to get over the joys of "prioritizing", "priorities", and "prioritization". It's been a while since Jon has done a really ridiculous, pointless prop gag. I didn't really care for the split-second gloo jar bit. Jon, baby, when will you understand that your show is better than that?