according to jim

Ah, 2009. Come in, come in! Have a seat at my crystal ball. Oh, I know it's cracked, but don't worry -- it's still useful.

You are so young, so virile, my little new year. You are also ripe...ripe for me to predict your future. I see plenty in my cracked crystal ball -- yes, yes, it's working just fine. Some of it is good, some is bad, and the rest I can't see because of all the cracks. Those predictions probably don't mean much anyway. I mean, Dustin Diamond being cast in a remake of Cop Rock? Who would believe such tripe?

Oh, don't get up! Yes, Allison gave us her predictions already, but that was with a different ball. So, sit, sit, and let me predict your future in television through my fractured sphere.

• At 8, ABC has Happy New Year, Charlie Brown, followed by Rudolph's Shiny New Year and new episodes of According To Jim and Eli Stone.
• PBS has a new Nova at 8.
• ESPN has The Holiday Bowl at 8.
• Also at 8: BBC America has a new My Family.
• At 9, CBS has The 31st Annual Kennedy Center Honors.
• There's a new ECW on Sci-Fi at 9.
• At 10, TNT has a new Leverage.
• Bravo has a new Real Housewives of Orange County at 10.
• At 10:30, Disney has a new Life with Derek.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk show listings.

Are you wondering where some of your favorite shows like The Moment of Truth, the new American Gladiators and According to Jim are in your TV Guide? If so, please stand as far away from me as you can and try not to breathe any oxygen in my direction.

These and other shows were left out of the big four's (unless you count the CW) lineups for the new 2009 schedules, but have not been announced as officially canceled yet.

That means these shows are sitting in the death chamber with baited breath for a last minute reprieve or a death certificate. If there is a God watching over us, then these are the shows that will get the needle.

... Twelve shows a stinkin'

That aroma tickling your nose is not one from an oven full of fresh gingerbread cookies. No, it's from a television full of burned-out ideas and gutted hulks of viewers who can't take the crap that is heaped upon them. That's because, more than ever, there is a lot of stink on the television landscape. Most of it is due to inordinate amounts of reality programming which has flooded the market. The rest is due to the lack of new ideas for an industry that is rapidly changing.

In order to start our annual Festivus countdown we have compiled a scientifically proven list of 12 shows just stinking up the flat screen. And, when I say 'scientifically proven' I mean I just asked a bunch of people off the street about shows they disliked. So, it's as accurate as it possibly can be. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll have opinions, one way or another, on these shows and others not on the list. So, if you have your nose plugs, let's begin.

• At 8, ABC has Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town, followed by two (yes, two!) new episodes of According To Jim and a new Eli Stone.
• CBS has a new NCIS at 8, then new episodes of The Mentalist and Without A Trace.
• NBC has a new Biggest Loser at 8, followed by a new Law and Order: SVU.
• FOX has new episodes of House and Fringe.
• TCM has Citizen Kane at 8.
• IFC has a new IFC Media Project at 8, then a new Hell Girl.
• At 8:40, BBC America has a new Gavin & Stacey.
• At 9, Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs.
• There's a new episode of The Universe on History Channel at 9.
• At 10, Bravo has a new Real Housewives of Orange County.
• Biography Channel has the series premiere of Shatner's Raw Nerve at 10.
• Sci-Fi has a new Cha$e at 10.
• MTV has a new Paris Hilton's My New BFF at 10.
• IFC has a new IT Crowd at 10.
• Also at 10: Travel Channel has a new Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern.
• At 10:30, Disney has a new Life with Derek.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk show listings.

As I think about the past year, in both my life and in the world of TV, there's plenty I have to be thankful for. The life stuff is obvious: health, family, my girlfriend, a roof over my head, food on my plate, and a job that I enjoy. But the TV stuff isn't quite as obvious. So, as the balloons float over midtown Manhattan and people get ready to gorge themselves, here are a few things that made me happy to be a television watcher this year:

The election - Yes, it was too long. And, yes, it was exasperating at times. But it was the source of a lot of entertaining television. Of course, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and SNL were in top form (Tina Fey became a huge star, thanks to Sarah Palin). But entertainment came in many forms this election season, from Katie Couric's skewering of Palin to David Letterman's spat with McCain to just about anything that came out of Joe Biden's mouth. Finally, I have three words of infinite entertainment for you: Chuck Todd's goatee.

Anyone who thinks that the lame, traditional, laugh-track-laden sitcom is dead hasn't seen Gary Unmarried yet. Unfortunately, I have. And I've got to tell you, it's probably the worst sitcom since the undead According to Jim first infected our airwaves in 2001. It's too bad, given the talent involved.

And when I mention "talent," I don't mean series creator Ed Yeager, who helped foist Still Standing on the American public for four years. I'm talking about stars Jay Mohr, Paula Marshall, Ed Begley Jr., and Jaime King, as well as esteemed sitcom director James Burrows. They're talented people stuck in a show that contains the same wacky plots and "setup-joke" rhythm that has led many to think the multi-camera sitcom is as dead as disco.

Here are the new TV DVDs, in stores tomorrow.

The complete series sets seem to be coming fast and furious these days, though there really isn't anything here that I want to spend the cash on (already have The Outer Limits). I have the first Man From U.N.C.L.E. complete series set that Time-Life did several months ago (this one is from Warner). The Starlost? Maybe as a curiosity, but I doubt it. The Incredible Hulk? Eh. Knight Rider? God no.

• According To Jim - Season 1
• Ben 10: Alien Force - Season 1, Vol. 1
• Dynasty - Season 3, Vol. 2
• Family Guy - Vol. 6, Freakin' Sweet Party Pack, and Total World Domination Collection sets
• The Incredible Hulk - Complete Series and Season 5
• Knight Rider - Complete Series
• The L Word - Season 5
• Looney Tunes - Looney Tunes Golden Collection, Vol. 6 and Spotlight Collection, Vol. 6
• The Man From U.N.C.L.E. - Complete Series
• The Naked Brothers Band - Season 2
• The Outer Limits (Original Series) - Complete Series
• Route 66 - Season 2
• The Starlost - Complete Series
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Season 2, Vol. 2

The writing partners behind Legally Blonde, Ella Enchanted, and The House Bunny, opening in theaters tomorrow, have inked a deal with ABC Studios for a series about something they're familiar with -- them.

Screenwriters Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten "Kiwi" Smith have sold a script about their crazy creative process, which, apparently, involves plenty of champagne and therapy, according to an L.A. Times column about the pair. ABC Studios took notice of the column and approached the duo about spinning a show out of it.

Now ABC Studios has the script and is developing a series about what it calls "their friendship, partnership, and (mis)adventures in Hollywood," reports The Hollywood Reporter. If it's a go, Lutz and Smith will pen the pilot and stay on as consulting producers.

Hey, let's all mark our calendars, because it's a big day in the TV world. Now all the people who aren't watching According to Jim on TV can not watch it on DVD.

Season one of the ABC comedy (it's a comedy, right?) will be released on Oct. 21, 2008. It's part of a deal ABC Studios inked with Lionsgate Home Entertainment to distribute select titles on DVD. Season one of Reaper is next on Nov. 4, followed by Boy Meets World (which was discontinued in 2006), Hope and Faith, and 8 Simple Rules.

That's interesting, because I've got Season one of 8 Simple Rules here (no, I didn't buy it, a publicist sent it to me), and it's from Buena Vista Home Entertainment. So Lionsgate must be taking over distribution.

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the TV Squad Put Me Out Of This Misery Award for 2008 is ... According To Jim!

It was inevitable, really. It was the heavy favorite in the TV Squad offices, and the show has really been baffling TV fans with its uncanny ability to survive. A show hasn't survived like this since CBS' Yes, Dear, which lasted for many seasons, then was seemingly canceled, only to come back out of the ashes later with new episodes that hadn't aired yet (hell, it could still come back: the web site is still live).

While it was the clear winner in the category, that doesn't mean there wasn't any discussion. My personal choice for the award was Last Call with Carson Daly, which just seems to be a nothing show, with a lackluster host and bad guests, in a time slot that no one cares about. And his coming back early from the WGA strike didn't endear Daly to many either. But in the end we realized that even though his show is deadly, it's on at 1:35 in the morning and doesn't have the head-slapping "WTF" factor that According To Jim seems to get every season that it's renewed (full disclosure: while I think its time has passed, I find According To Jim rather harmless and better than has been advertised).

• At 7, A&E has The Andromeda Strain (repeat of first part and then the conclusion).
• At 8, FOX has the season premiere of The Moment of Truth, then a new Hell's Kitchen.
• ABC has two new episodes of According To Jim at 8.
• NBC has a new Most Outrageous Moments at 8.
• At 9, PBS has anew Frontline.
• Discovery has a new Deadliest Catch at 9.
• Bravo has a new Real Housewives of New York City (with lost footage), followed by a new Work Out.
• At 10, CBS has the special 48 Hours: Polygamy, A World Apart.
• MTV has a new A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila at 10.
• Also at 10: Sci-Fi has a new ECW.

Check your local TV listings for more.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my Put Me Out of This Misery Award post. If there's one thing that people are passionate about, besides what their favorite shows are, are the shows that they don't want around anymore. Below are the five nominees for this award, the show that has overstayed its welcome and should be put down already, damn it! Also, after the jump, a poll for what you would choose for this award, what we're calling the Reader's Choice Award. Both awards will be announced next week.

The nominees, in alphabetical order...

This award is for the show that was renewed for this fall that, damn it, should just be canceled already!

I'm sure when everyone read that line the first show that snapped into their heads was ABC's According To Jim, so I'm sure that's definitely going to be one of the nominees. Other shows I can think of putting in this category are NBC's Law and Order (please, the "ripped from the headlines" is used so much now it's almost like a parody of itself), NBC's The Apprentice (whenever a reality show goes to celebrity editions you know it's time to hang it up), NBC's Last Call with Carson Daly (really, this has to be one of the "who cares" shows on TV right now), and ABC's America's Funniest Home Videos (how many times can we see a dad hit in the balls?). I also thought of putting ER on the list but, since this fall is definitely the last season, it's at the bottom of the list for possible contenders.

What primetime shows do you think should be nominated? Maybe one of the CSI shows? I'm sure SNL will get some votes, though I don't agree.

Today ABC revealed its 2008-2009 schedule, where many fan favorites were listed as returning, along with some disappointing cancellations. Every year, though, there's one show that stands out in that list of returning shows; a show that, nearly every time its name is uttered here, gets slammed and ridiculed, boggling minds as to why, oh why, is it getting yet another season. That show is, of course, According to Jim.

Once again, According to Jim gets to continue on ABC for another season. If you read the comments here, though, it's not as though anyone is particularly happy about it. "WTF" and "you've got to be kidding me" are common reactions to this news. So, I have to wonder: if so many people seem to hate this show, despise it so much as to make it the brunt of many TV-related jokes, and to be shocked -- SHOCKED, I tell you -- that the network could continue to allow such an atrocity to linger on, then who is watching it?

Joel asked this question before, but now I want to know. After the jump I've put a poll in place to get some idea of who's behind the ratings that keep breathing life into Jim Belushi's career.