american idol judge paula abdul

American Idol's choice of Ellen DeGeneres as a judge replacement threw everyone for a loop, even schlubs like me who don't watch the show.

It's not that she's not talented, successful or funny. It's just an odd choice, putting a comedian on the show that takes its goal of crushing losers' dreams on live television so seriously. It would evoke the same reaction from me if they picked Andrew "Dice" Clay as the new judge, if the Diceman was talented, successful or funny.

And besides, why do they need humor and comedy on such an otherwise serious show? There are lots of humorless, vapid and downright boring shows that are crying out for comedic interjection.

If you're still scratching your head over Paula Abdul's sudden departure from American Idol, here's a theory.

Maybe she had a hard time taking extreme criticism from a man responsible for unleashing (heh) one of the most godawful songs on the planet.

Back in the early 80's, a young Simon Cowell helped bring "Ruff Mix," a techno tune consisting entirely of dogs barking, to the music world's increasingly tone deaf ears. He was so committed to making the song a success that he was even willing to go on national television dressed as the song's main character, Wonderdog, to promote it.

OK, well, it's not "breaking" as in it happened today and we're reporting it, but it is "breaking" as in "it's just now coming to light."

American Idol judge Abdul called Los Angeles police last weekend and reported that she was assaulted by a man at a private party. Abdul told police that the man screamed at her, grabbed her arm, and threw her against a wall.

Yikes. She gave the police the man's name and they are investigating. He hasn't been charged yet.