It will all happen on February 22: Oprah, the most powerful woman in the known universe, will share the small screen with Ellen DeGeneres, the funniest woman in the universe with the name "Ellen DeGeneres," when Ms. Winfrey appears on The Ellen DeGeneres Show for the first time.

I'm here to tell everyone that we cannot allow this to happen.

Despite so-called rumors, singer Diana Ross will not be doing a cameo role on ABC's Desperate Housewives, nor was she ever approached by anyone involved with the show about doing such a cameo. I've done some exhaustive research to find out just why the creators of Desperate Housewives never approached Ross about appearing on the series, and after speaking with experts, going over large amounts of data, and meditating naked inside a cave, I came to the conclusion that no one cares about Diana Ross anymore. Although, if she wanted to keep at least one toe in the spotlight she should just make up rumors about being on other shows, too. Next she could try denying she was ever asked to appear on Meet the Press to discuss exit strategies in Iraq. If she were on Meet the Press I'm sure advice to president Bush would be to stop the conflict (in the name of love). Lame joke, I know, but it's not like I had much to work with.