Variety reports the 12th Annual Satellite Awards will be handed out on December 16, 2007. The awards cover film, television, DVD, and new media. These appear to be the first major awards to involve television series from the new season, and include multiple nominations for both Chuck and Pushing Daisies, including nods for lead actor and series, comedy or musical. Other new show nominations include Patricia Heaton (Back to You) and Anna Friel (Pushing Daisies) for lead actress, comedy or musical, Glenn Close (Damages) for lead actress, drama and Mad Men for drama series.

As a teenager, your opinion is irrelevant to most of society, but the Teen Choice Awards is your chance to let your voice be heard, and to nominate Paris Hilton for some reason.

Hilton is just one of the folks who have been nominated for Teen Choice 2007, which airs live starting at 8:00 p.m. on August 26 on FOX. She's been nominated in the "Choice TV: Female Reality/Variety Star" category for her "role" on The Simple Life. She's also nominated for the "OMG! Moment" for her jail sentence. Yes, you can win an award for that now, so star commiting some felonies right now, kids.

As you know, Jerry Seinfeld recently received the Comedian Award. If you're wondering just how much awards, award ceremonies, and the pageantry that surrounds them means to Mr. Seinfeld, allow me to direct you to the hilarious clip below from the HBO special (via Best Week Ever). I about lost it after his "senators from Krypton remark."

I have to say that Seinfeld echoes my exact sentiments. I haven't sat down and watched the Oscars, Emmys or the Golden Globes in many, many years. I think the last award ceremony that I found even remotely interesting was the Pinewood Derby Awards in 1987, and that's only because I was a participant (and by the way, Boy Scout Troop 141: those weight restrictions are there for a reason. I lost against a car that was clearly over the legal limit).

In all honesty, I'm glad Seinfeld won the Comedian Award, because I really can't take any professional seriously unless they've been given some kind of engraved tchotchke for their efforts. That's why I currently have eleven cavities and am searching for a dentist who has won the Best Dentist Award. Otherwise, why bother?

Former presidential cadidate Al Gore will receive an International Emmy in November for his work in broadcasting, including Current TV, his cable channel featuring user-generated content, and his book and documentary An Inconvenient Truth, which examines the effects of manbearpig global warming. I'm not sure what the International Emmy has to do with his movie, exactly, but there you go.

Gore is actually receiving the Founders Award, which honors those who "touch our common humanity." More importantly, Gore needs more gold statues which he will melt down in order to create a solid gold island he plans to live on once global warming has turned the Earth into a aquatic wasteland. Gore will then elect himself king of the mer-people and begin the breeding process for this new race of Earth creatures, who will claim to adore him but ultimately elect someone else as their king.

Don Rickles, the premiere insult comic, will be honored with the first Pinnacle Award at the Comedy and Arts Festival in Aspen, Colorado next month. The ceremony will include a screening of John Landis' documentary about the comedian, The Rickles Project. The screening will be followed by a Q&A with Landis and Rickles.

Rickles got his start playing night clubs, later moving on to film and television. He appeared on several of Dean Martin's "Roasts" and was also the star of his own television series in the '70s, C.P.O. Sharkey, one of a few short-lived shows featuring Rickles (others included Daddy Dearest and The Don Rickles Show). Rickles also guest starred on several other television series, such as The Twilight Zone, The Addams Family, and Newhart.

The New York Times has described the Webby Awards as "the online equivalent of an Oscar," and they're right, both awards are equally meaningless despite the noise and pageantry that surrounds them. But like the Oscars, at least they're getting someone funny to lead the proceedings. Our pal Rob Corddry from The Daily Show is returning to host the awards for their tenth year. Over 700 people are expected to attend the event when it takes place in the Cipriani Wall Street area of NYC on June 12. As usual, acceptance speeches can only be five words long, which is definitely something I think the Oscars should implement as well.

[via Lost Remote]