Michael Jackson's impact on TV's infallible mammoth The Simpsons goes far deeper than we previously suspected.

In fact, Jackson is probably one of the many creative minds who helped the show and its characters move into more musical territory and become an even deeper part of global pop culture. When you're a king, you have all sorts of powers, so you might as well use them for the good of your kingdom.

That's why when I become king, I will order all television networks to play nothing but Top Gear and Robot Chicken and that episode of Married...With Children where Al meets a stripper named Rocki Mountains. Anyone who tries to stop me will be thrown into a cell without the benefit of trial and forced to watch reruns of Cop Rock and AfterMASH until their eyes stop working and/or melt right out of their skull. Whadaya gonna do about it? I'm the frigging king!

I can vividly remember a time when The Simpsons was the hot new show that every parent had to keep away from their kids or Child Protective Services would show up and take them away. So every time I see the newest thing that The Simpsons are on this week, I can feel myself aging.

I love The Simpsons. It has been my all time favorite show as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end, amen. So I have to have the coolest Simpsons stuff. But every time I see Bart on a TV shirt, I can feel my hair turning gray and thinner.