The hype builds for weeks and weeks. People and analysts alike are forced to stretch what should be a few minutes of discussion and analysis into a two week, soul-crushing marathon of overused cliches -- like "Give 110 percent," "We just need to play our game" and "Hey! Don't touch me there!" -- and washed up "experts" just trying to scrape together enough money to pay the minimum on their baby mama's credit card bill.
Advertisers clamor for this day like little girls (and writers of this article) do for even a glimpse of Justin Bieber's impish smile and signature hair-flip, dropping millions and millions of dollars to attempt to wow America with 30 seconds of cheeky anthropomorphic cartoon animals and a hollow, over-produced, lip-synced, celebrity half-time extravaganza that generally feels like some sort of cruel public mass-torture ploy to punish everyone.
Oh yeah... and there's a football game thrown in there somewhere too, and here are some of my predictions for the big day.
Unfortunately, when we cut to The Jay Leno Show, his dancing girls (an homage to Jenna's video in 30 Rock) were better at looking good in their tight shorts than they were at dancing. Then, after Leno came out, we got to overhear a woman wanting to get something signed. "Can I leave it?"
I did enjoy the smooth transition into the show. It creates a sense of synergy on the network where you feel like all these shows are one big happy family. Except for Southland. But I guess there's always that one relative nobody wants around ... Hey, I just wrote a Jay Leno joke!
For lack of a better word or description, last night's show was weird and anti-climatic. At first, I was really excited about the contestants doing modern hits from the last 6 years, but then...nothing happened. I kept waiting for that one really great performance that would put the show into overdrive, but it never came.
First off, the show was cut down to a hour last night since there are only 10 contestants left. This made everything feel very rushed. It felt less like a national hit show and more like a filler before House came on. Secondly, all the judges were in agreement last night, and yet they were still fighting. Always weird. Thirdly, lack of time translated into lack of Seacrest zingers. Seacrest zingers are always the cheesiest of zings, and yet, I miss them when they're gone. It's like getting a dollar every year in your birthday card from Grandma. A dollar doesn't get you much (heck, it doesn't get you anything), but that first year when it's not in there...it burns. Finally, I think Kevin might have been eliminated prematurely. I'm convinced that if given the chance, he would have performed Britney Spears' "Toxic" and it would have been the best thing to happen to American Idol since Bobby sung the praises of the Copacabana.
In order to pretend that I know what is happening, I did a little research about both teams that I thought I would share with the rest of you who will be watching the Super Bowl for the commercials. By the way, the Super Bowl is on Sunday, Feb. 5th on ABC at 6:30 pm Eastern. In Detroit.
TV Squad Hot Topics
Most Popular Articles
From Our Partners
- 'Grey's Anatomy' Episode 11.6 Photos: A Visit from April's Mom
- 'Constantine' Series Premiere Recap: John Constantine Makes a Big Entrance
- The 10 Best Looks of 'Project Runway' Season 13
- 'Reign' Episode 2.5 Photos: Will Greer Get Married?
- 'The Amazing Race' Recap: One Team is Accused of Playing Dirty
- More From BuddyTV
- TVLine's Performer of the Week: Supernatural's Jensen Ackles
- Ratings: Constantine Does Sub-Dracula Numbers, Blue Bloods Hits Highs
- Constantine: Will You Go to Hell and Back for NBC's New Drama?
- Grimm Season 4 Premiere Recap: Trubel-ing Times
- ABC's Manhattan Love Story Is Fall TV Season's First Cancellation
- More From TVLine
- Taylor Swift Said She'd Have a Meltdown If '1989' Leaked and It Did
- Iggy Azalea Wants to Collaborate with Taylor Swift
- Kim Kardashian Dares to Bare at 'Amazing' Vegas Birthday Bash
- Renee Zellweger and 7 Other Stars Who Dramatically Changed Their Look
- One Direction Parties With Danny DeVito in ‘Steal My Girl' Music Video!
- More From ET