The hype builds for weeks and weeks. People and analysts alike are forced to stretch what should be a few minutes of discussion and analysis into a two week, soul-crushing marathon of overused cliches -- like "Give 110 percent," "We just need to play our game" and "Hey! Don't touch me there!" -- and washed up "experts" just trying to scrape together enough money to pay the minimum on their baby mama's credit card bill.
Advertisers clamor for this day like little girls (and writers of this article) do for even a glimpse of Justin Bieber's impish smile and signature hair-flip, dropping millions and millions of dollars to attempt to wow America with 30 seconds of cheeky anthropomorphic cartoon animals and a hollow, over-produced, lip-synced, celebrity half-time extravaganza that generally feels like some sort of cruel public mass-torture ploy to punish everyone.
Oh yeah... and there's a football game thrown in there somewhere too, and here are some of my predictions for the big day.
Unfortunately, when we cut to The Jay Leno Show, his dancing girls (an homage to Jenna's video in 30 Rock) were better at looking good in their tight shorts than they were at dancing. Then, after Leno came out, we got to overhear a woman wanting to get something signed. "Can I leave it?"
I did enjoy the smooth transition into the show. It creates a sense of synergy on the network where you feel like all these shows are one big happy family. Except for Southland. But I guess there's always that one relative nobody wants around ... Hey, I just wrote a Jay Leno joke!
For lack of a better word or description, last night's show was weird and anti-climatic. At first, I was really excited about the contestants doing modern hits from the last 6 years, but then...nothing happened. I kept waiting for that one really great performance that would put the show into overdrive, but it never came.
First off, the show was cut down to a hour last night since there are only 10 contestants left. This made everything feel very rushed. It felt less like a national hit show and more like a filler before House came on. Secondly, all the judges were in agreement last night, and yet they were still fighting. Always weird. Thirdly, lack of time translated into lack of Seacrest zingers. Seacrest zingers are always the cheesiest of zings, and yet, I miss them when they're gone. It's like getting a dollar every year in your birthday card from Grandma. A dollar doesn't get you much (heck, it doesn't get you anything), but that first year when it's not in there...it burns. Finally, I think Kevin might have been eliminated prematurely. I'm convinced that if given the chance, he would have performed Britney Spears' "Toxic" and it would have been the best thing to happen to American Idol since Bobby sung the praises of the Copacabana.
In order to pretend that I know what is happening, I did a little research about both teams that I thought I would share with the rest of you who will be watching the Super Bowl for the commercials. By the way, the Super Bowl is on Sunday, Feb. 5th on ABC at 6:30 pm Eastern. In Detroit.
TV Squad Hot Topics
Most Popular Articles
From Our Partners
- 'Wayward Pines' Interview: M. Night Shyamalan on Shocking Death and Darker Turn
- 'The Bachelor' Season 11 Week 2 Photos: Punchlines and Punches
- 'Survivor: Worlds Apart': Ranking the 13 Most Shocking Tribal Councils from Season 30
- 'The Flash': The 10 Most Villainous Moments of Season 1
- More From BuddyTV
- Sunday Night Football, Empire Top Ratings for 2014-15 Season; NCIS and Big Bang Are Most Watched
- Ratings: Red Nose Day Draws Small Crowd, Wayward Pines Rises
- 19 Kids and Counting: Should TLC Cancel the Series in the Wake of Josh Duggar Sex Abuse Confession?
- Is Supergirl the Earliest Pilot Leak Ever?
- Wet Hot American Summer First Look: The Camp Staff Reports for Duty
- More From TVLine
- Jordin Sparks Celebrates Her Stretch Marks, Gives Them a Cute Name
- A Day in the Life of Jennifer Aniston on Instagram
- Jessica Simpson Celebrates 'Sexiest Day' of Her Life: Meeting Husband Eric Johnson
- Why Andy Cohen Initially Didn't Want Bethenny Frankel or Lisa Rinna on ‘Real Housewives'
- Star Sightings May 2015
- More From ET