"Baracknophobia": The irrational fear of hope is spreading, even among Barack Obama's own people. Obama campaign staffers sent away two women with head scarves because they didn't want to remind people at the photo op about the rumors of Obama being Muslim. Not as bad as the baby-punching, I must say, and at least he apologized.

"Guantanamo Baywatch": The Supreme Court ruled that prisoners in Guantanamo Bay can contest their detention before a judge. Some folks aren't too happy about this, what with their poor Mexican topiary managers having fewer rights and all. The managers are Mexican, by the way, not the topiaries. Senior Imprisoned Correspondent, Gitmo, stopped by to share his thoughts. Man, Jon Stewart is really no good with puppets. Every voice he does sounds like South Park's Jennifer "Taco-Flavored Kisses" Lopez.

First Big Brother UK has a race controversy, and now the celebrity version has several members of the house ganging up on former A-Team/Battlestar Galactica star Dirk Benedict.

Seems like the girls jokingly "flirted" with Benedict, just to get him all excited and confused, but Benedict wouldn't fall for it. He lit up a cigar and told the girls to leave him alone. They talked about him and called him an "old man," and suggested that just a little more teasing would push him over the edge.

One of his tormentors decided to stop harrassing him and talk to him. That's when tears started to bubble up in Benedict's eyes.