(S35E09) Hello, Twilight fans. I know you're only here because of your screaming hearts, thudding so hard that every beat is a case for internal bruising. I'm going to be upfront: I don't like Twilight. I tried reading it before it was a "thing" because my friends recommended it to me and I found myself struggling to get through it because, well, even then I knew it was embarrassing. I also watched the film, which I thought was very funny, though I realize that was probably not the intended effect.

That said, I thought Taylor Lautner did a great job. See? I'm not just swimming in haterade. Obviously, I wasn't prepared to like him, but just like Blake Lively from last week, Lautner delivered a strong performance. He seemed really comfortable throughout the entire episode and was surprisingly natural, more natural than some of the actual cast members at some points, at least in terms of blatantly looking at cue cards.

And thanks for keeping your shirt on for all 90 minutes, Sharkboy.

The December slate of hosts is coming together for NBC's 'Saturday Night Live.' Joining the already announced Blake Lively ('Gossip Girl') and the ever-dependable James Franco will be cinema's sexiest werewolf, Taylor Lautner.

According to Variety, Lautner is on board to host the Dec. 12 episode, with Bon Jovi as musical guest. The 'Twilight' co-star is currently riding the blockbuster success of 'New Moon,' as well as his shorter -- and much more appealing -- locks. Maybe they could bring Taylor Swift back for the 'Firelight' sequel trailer, with Lautner playing his own parody.

Check out the December schedule after the jump.

Let's see: Bravo is owned by NBC and Bon Jovi is appearing on several NBC shows exclusively for a while, including Saturday Night Live, The Jay Leno Show, and Today (and doing a promo for all of the USA Network shows that feature a "hero"), so it's a natural that the band would appear with James Lipton on Inside The Actor's Studio, right? Right?

*crickets*

TBS pulls the plug on 'The Bill Engvall Show,' Vincent D'Onofrio departs 'Law & Order: Criminal Intent,' Heidi Montag books 'The View' and more of today's top TV headlines.

To celebrate the release of The Lonely Island's debut album "Incredibad," we've compiled this list of the top ten Saturday Night Live Digital Shorts. For almost four years, Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone and Akiva Schaffer have brought us these videos, and they've managed to keep us laughing and humming their tunes weeks after they've aired. We hope this countdown makes you feel just as SNL-y in your digital shorts as when you first saw the videos, and if not, that's okay too. We're glad you're here anyway.

Of course, the rule is that they must have been prefaced by the "An SNL Digital Short" card to qualify. We know how much you love "Virgania Horsen's Hot Air Balloon Rides," but it's not happening. Sorry.

(S33E03) "Amy Poehler: 1986": I thought that this was a great choice for a cold open! A young, big-haired Amy Poehler being visited by a magical poster version of Jon Bon Jovi? Fantastic. In general, it was really cute and made me feel a little better about Bon Jovi's hosting abilities. I mean, not that it really mattered because he barely appeared in this episode, not counting the musical performances. Hey, whatever it takes to promote an album, right?

(S06E35) Touchy, touchy, touchy. If I learned anything from the comments on yesterday's reviewcap, it's not to mess with the readers and their Jon Bon Jovi. Holy goodness, you guys absolutely obliterated me in the comments. The strange thing is, I kind of liked it.

Fortunately, I only received one death threat, so I'm happy to be coming out of this relatively unscathed. Deep down you know you were really laughing with me, you just didn't want to admit it. What's that you say? You weren't amused? Ok, then let's just start the recap.

I've heard Dead or Alive, You Give Love a Bad Name, Living on a Prayer and most of the other tunes sung tonight, but I have no real opinion about Bon Jovi's music. Ryan calls them one of the greatest bands of all time and qualifies himself by recounting their huge touring and record sales successes. But, do big numbers make them great?

I don't know. Some would say so, but I see McDonald's signs everywhere boasting how many billions of customers they've served, and I know I can make a better burger than they can.

(S06E34) Was anyone really surprised that no one got sent home during "Idol Gives Back"? It was a charity event. Someone having their dream destroyed just wouldn't have fit in with the show.

The fact that no one left had a profound effect on this episode as Ryan was quick to point out since two people would be going home this week.

American Idol has an impressive guest list of artists for the rest of this season. Guests include Tony Bennett, Bon Jovi, Barry Gibb, Jennifer Lopez, Lulu, Martina McBride, Peter Noone, Diana Ross, and Gwen Stefani. Looking at that list, it's pretty obvious there will be themes including disco, rock, pop, '50s, country, and lounge.

First of all, I'd love to see Diana Ross be a guest judge. I think her zanyness could rival Paula's and maybe even make Paula look sober.

I think the biggest 'get' is Gwen Stefani, who is on top of her game right now. I guess she knows where her fans are. There's no doubt (har, har) that Gwen's young fans are the same people who watch Idol.

Unfortunately, it doesn't look as though any of these celebrities will actually perform. Idol's press release lists the celebs as "coaches" and "guests". So... they'll be helping performers choose and prepare songs and probably also be guest judges. Performers scheduled for this season are former Idol contestants Carrie Underwood and Kellie Pickler.

CBS put their regular programming on hold last night so they could show the 33rd Annual People's Choice Awards. Hosted by Queen Latifah, the show gives awards based on public internet voting. As that is the case, these awards track with the Nielsen ratings more than most. Case in point, the award for Television Comedy went to Two And A Half Men. Top rated for a couple years now, but it can't seem to get any press unless Charlie Sheen is divorcing someone or hiring a hooker.

Most of the other television awards followed similar lines. The award for Best Drama went to Grey's Anatomy. Best Actor was Patrick Dempsey (Grey's Anatomy). Best Actress went to Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives). Best Competition/Reality show was, of course, American Idol. Best Animated Show was The Simpsons. The only real surprise came in the new categories. Best New Drama was Heroes, which isn't a surprise, but Best New Comedy, The Class? I didn't see that one coming. The television awards were rounded out with Ellen Degeneres winning Best Talk Show Host.

Movies and Music winners after the jump.

Do they even call them albums anymore? CDs?

American Idol champ runner-up Clay Aiken's third album, A Thousand Different Ways, will be a bunch of classic cover tunes. He'll sing everything from Elton John's "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" to Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings." Throw in a Dolly Parton song and a bunch of others and you have quite a collection. He'll also have four new songs on the album (CD!)

Um...by the way, is it me or is Clay beginning to look an awful lot like K.D. Lang?

Yesterday on AdJab, I mentioned the fact that the Bon Jovi song "Who Says You Can't Go Home?" is now being used to promote New Jersey tourism. The ad plays ad nauseum on New York TV stations, and I've got to tell you, it's driving me batty. First of all, I've never been a big fan of Bon Jovi, despite my Jersey upbringing (and, no, I'm not a big Springsteen fan, either. As far as New Jersey bands go, I like The Smithereens and Yo La Tengo, among others of that stripe), so hearing ol' Jonny sing over and over makes my ears itch. Second, the song is actually a country song, the first song by a rock band to hit #1 on the country charts. And third? It's a pretty generic tune, and not even that catchy. Actually, it sounds more like an ad jingle than an actual song.

This has to be distressing to all Bon Jovi fans. I mean, the band you've been following for twenty-odd years is now being out-rocked on TV by Kelly Freaking Clarkson. As Bill Simmons might say: not good times.

Before I get into the review, a couple of questions. One, where is John Spencer? Supposedly he filmed several episodes before he passed away, but he hasn't been in it much at all.

Second, Jon Bon Jovi is not only the guest star, the episode title comes from one of his songs. Um, is Bon Jovi still a big star?

After eleven years of marriage to Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora, Heather Locklear has filed for divorce. Heather and Richie have a beautiful 8-year-old daughter together, Ava Elizabeth. Heather is asking for joint custody of their daughter and she has requested the judge honor the pre-nuptial agreement the two signed before they got married.

This will be Heather's second divorce from a rock star. She split with Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee in 1993 after seven years of marriage. Which long-haired rock star do you think is on her radar this time?