(S35E09) Hello, Twilight fans. I know you're only here because of your screaming hearts, thudding so hard that every beat is a case for internal bruising. I'm going to be upfront: I don't like Twilight. I tried reading it before it was a "thing" because my friends recommended it to me and I found myself struggling to get through it because, well, even then I knew it was embarrassing. I also watched the film, which I thought was very funny, though I realize that was probably not the intended effect.
That said, I thought Taylor Lautner did a great job. See? I'm not just swimming in haterade. Obviously, I wasn't prepared to like him, but just like Blake Lively from last week, Lautner delivered a strong performance. He seemed really comfortable throughout the entire episode and was surprisingly natural, more natural than some of the actual cast members at some points, at least in terms of blatantly looking at cue cards.
And thanks for keeping your shirt on for all 90 minutes, Sharkboy.
According to Variety, Lautner is on board to host the Dec. 12 episode, with Bon Jovi as musical guest. The 'Twilight' co-star is currently riding the blockbuster success of 'New Moon,' as well as his shorter -- and much more appealing -- locks. Maybe they could bring Taylor Swift back for the 'Firelight' sequel trailer, with Lautner playing his own parody.
Check out the December schedule after the jump.
To celebrate the release of The Lonely Island's debut album "Incredibad," we've compiled this list of the top ten Saturday Night Live Digital Shorts. For almost four years, Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone and Akiva Schaffer have brought us these videos, and they've managed to keep us laughing and humming their tunes weeks after they've aired. We hope this countdown makes you feel just as SNL-y in your digital shorts as when you first saw the videos, and if not, that's okay too. We're glad you're here anyway.
Of course, the rule is that they must have been prefaced by the "An SNL Digital Short" card to qualify. We know how much you love "Virgania Horsen's Hot Air Balloon Rides," but it's not happening. Sorry.
Fortunately, I only received one death threat, so I'm happy to be coming out of this relatively unscathed. Deep down you know you were really laughing with me, you just didn't want to admit it. What's that you say? You weren't amused? Ok, then let's just start the recap.
I've heard Dead or Alive, You Give Love a Bad Name, Living on a Prayer and most of the other tunes sung tonight, but I have no real opinion about Bon Jovi's music. Ryan calls them one of the greatest bands of all time and qualifies himself by recounting their huge touring and record sales successes. But, do big numbers make them great?
I don't know. Some would say so, but I see McDonald's signs everywhere boasting how many billions of customers they've served, and I know I can make a better burger than they can.
The fact that no one left had a profound effect on this episode as Ryan was quick to point out since two people would be going home this week.
First of all, I'd love to see Diana Ross be a guest judge. I think her zanyness could rival Paula's and maybe even make Paula look sober.
I think the biggest 'get' is Gwen Stefani, who is on top of her game right now. I guess she knows where her fans are. There's no doubt (har, har) that Gwen's young fans are the same people who watch Idol.
Unfortunately, it doesn't look as though any of these celebrities will actually perform. Idol's press release lists the celebs as "coaches" and "guests". So... they'll be helping performers choose and prepare songs and probably also be guest judges. Performers scheduled for this season are former Idol contestants Carrie Underwood and Kellie Pickler.
Most of the other television awards followed similar lines. The award for Best Drama went to Grey's Anatomy. Best Actor was Patrick Dempsey (Grey's Anatomy). Best Actress went to Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives). Best Competition/Reality show was, of course, American Idol. Best Animated Show was The Simpsons. The only real surprise came in the new categories. Best New Drama was Heroes, which isn't a surprise, but Best New Comedy, The Class? I didn't see that one coming. The television awards were rounded out with Ellen Degeneres winning Best Talk Show Host.
Movies and Music winners after the jump.
Do they even call them albums anymore? CDs?
champ runner-up Clay Aiken's third album, A Thousand Different Ways, will be a bunch of classic cover tunes. He'll sing everything from Elton John's "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" to Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings." Throw in a Dolly Parton song and a bunch of others and you have quite a collection. He'll also have four new songs on the album (CD!)
Um...by the way, is it me or is Clay beginning to look an awful lot like K.D. Lang?
This has to be distressing to all Bon Jovi fans. I mean, the band you've been following for twenty-odd years is now being out-rocked on TV by Kelly Freaking Clarkson. As Bill Simmons might say: not good times.
Second, Jon Bon Jovi is not only the guest star, the episode title comes from one of his songs. Um, is Bon Jovi still a big star?
This will be Heather's second divorce from a rock star. She split with Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee in 1993 after seven years of marriage. Which long-haired rock star do you think is on her radar this time?
TV Squad Hot Topics
Most Popular Articles
From Our Partners
- 'The Walking Dead' Recap: Rick Prepares to Make a Trade
- 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' Recap: The Apollo-gy Aftermath
- 'Constantine' Recap: John and Papa Midnite Join Forces
- 'America's Next Top Model' Recap: Which Guy's Got Moves Like Elvis?
- 'The Amazing Race' Recap: Which Team is Targeted By the Other Racers?
- More From BuddyTV
- Ariana Grande Stuns the AMAs With Jazzy (Partly) Acoustic Performance
- American Music Awards 2014: The Complete Winners List
- Taylor Swift and Kelly Osbourne Help Sarah Hyland Ring in Her 24th Year
- Selena Gomez Shares a Behind-the-Scenes Moment Before the 2014 AMAs
- Katy Perry Starts a Feud with Australian Paparazzi on Twitter
- More From ET