On 'Bridezillas' (Sun., 9PM ET on WE), we have to deal with a supremely evil bride-to-be named Gloria. What are Gloria's crimes against humanity? Let us count the mean things that she does:

1) After her bridesmaid Leslie goes to the hospital for dehydration, Gloria calls the woman up and yells at her. Apparently, Gloria doesn't "believe" in dehydration as a medical condition: "They have things to fix that nowadays: Gatorade, Powerade."

Bridezilla Melissa schedules an eyebrow waxing for her finance since she doesn't want anyone ugly near her at her wedding. "It looks like there's bears resting on his face," she says as Chris is ushered into a beauty salon on Sunday's episode of 'Bridezillas' (Sunday, 9PM ET on WE).

"I've been doing fine all these years with the way they were," Chris dejectedly says. "That's because no one's told you to your face that they look bad," Melissa responds. Chris resigns himself to the procedure, which has been described to him as being about as painful as a band-aid coming off.

Oh Chris, you don't know what you've let yourself in for. Ouch!

Your wedding day is the best day of your life. Or so you would think -- but then, maybe you haven't watched the series 'Bridezillas' (Sun., 9PM ET on WE).

Wife-to-be Shandra is having some problems. She's already fired one of her bridesmaids, and now, her husband is getting cold feet. Still, the wedding must go on!

On the latest episode of the show, Shandra gets in a fight with her remaining bridesmaids, who are arguing over which one of them gets to wear a particular dress. We mean really arguing: as in physically wrestling and fighting on the bed. Shandra won't stand for this. While the other ladies are screaming at each other, she tries to get their attention. "Shut up! Shut up!" Shandra yells. When this doesn't work, she resorts to smashing a glass on the floor.

"This is my f#cking day!" Shandra says. "It's not about none of you b#tches!" She then repeats the phrases "It's my day!" and "Shut up!" until the other women get the point.

Soap operas are a funny form of television fiction. They have rules all its own, they can tell all kinds of stories and do them in the most unusual ways. Here's a few things I've noticed lately, things that seem to only be possible, on a soap.

Only on a soap...can a medical clinic be conceived, built and stocked in less than a month.
It's true. It happened in Port Charles. On General Hospital, soon after Emily died -- and Nikolas stopped seeing visions of her thanks to a brain tumor -- he decided to dedicate a health clinic in her memory. Since Nikolas is a royalty, some kind of prince, cost was no object. He never met with an architect or designer, never spoke to contractors, never searched for a location and dealt with permits. He did have a fight with the mayor for a couple of shows about opening the clinic after it was already completed. If only all construction projects could be done so easily. Jeff Lewis on Bravo's Flipping Out doesn't even work that fast!
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Court TV has begun production on its first original scripted series 'Til Death Do Us Part. Each episode will dramatize bizarre cases of happily married couples whose relationships take a turn for the murderous worse. Hosting each episode will be Mr. Bizarre himself - John Waters.

The director of such trash classics Pink Flamingos and Female Trouble will star as the "Groom Reaper," guiding us through the grizzly murders that resulted from these most unholy of matrimonies. The show will debut in 2007.

I'd be slightly more excited if Waters were directing the series, but its subject matter is right up his alley -- if only it were set in Baltimore.