Here's a bit o' fun for your Sunday. I don't know how long it's been around, but I recently found the Dead Celebrity Soulmate search on the Biography Web site. You select the qualities you want in a dead lover, and the program matches you with the perfect deceased mate. One of the women it matched me with was painter Frida Kahlo. Lord knows I'm a sucker for artistic chicks with a unibrow. If I were gay, it would have matched me up with Edgar Allan Poe or Vincent Van Gogh. Either way it looks like I have a thing for artistic types. Apparently this transcends my sexual preference. I hope we all learned something about me today. Anyway, try it out and let me know who the dead love of your life is in the comments. Just stay away from Frida, she's mine.

Related:
What celeb do you look like?

Starting November 8, Jeopardy! will once again be host to a bunch of celebrities playing for charitable causes. All celebs are guaranteed to win $25,000 for the charity of their choice, with the winner of each game bringing in $50,000 for their charity. Look for the likes of Regis Philbin, Rachael Ray, Neil Patrick Harris, Christopher Meloni, Martin Short, Soledad O'Brien, Jane Kaczmarek, Sam Waterson and several others to appear on the show. It'll be interesting to see of Ray's expertise expands beyond the kitchen, or if Soledad O'Brien knows as much about history as she does current events. The only wildcard I can see in this bunch is Meloni. He's a bit hard to pin down, but he did pee into a bucket once on Oz, and you never know when a category about that very subject might pop up. I'm just saying it's good to be prepared for anything.

Our fitness-focused sister site, That's Fit, has posted FitTV, a list of this week's health and fitness related programming. Here are some quick picks from the schedule:

NBC
The Biggest Loser - 9/20, 8/7c (two hour season premiere!)

DISCOVERY HEALTH CHANNEL
I Lost It! (Episode: Carla & Shawn) - 9/19; 6:30am, 11am ET
I Lost It! (Episode: Allison & Robin) - 9/20; 6:30am, 11am ET
I Lost It! (Episode: Debi & Bob) - 9/21; 6:30am, 11am ET
I Lost It! (Episode: Dana & Caitlin) - 9/22; 6:30am, 11am ET
Relay For Life: Giant Steps - 9/23; 10am ET

VH1
Celebrity Fit Club (Episode: Put Up or Shut Up) - 9/18; 11PM ET

For the full list, check out FitTV: September 18 - September 24.

If The Today Show and Good Morning, America aren't enough for you. If CBS This Morning doesn't float your boat, and you don't really want to watch CNN's American Morning or your local morning show, then FOX has another option coming next year.

The network will launch a national morning program from New York, to be hosted by FOX News personalities Mike Jerrick and Juliet Huddy. It will feature news and celebs and music and all that. In other words, another morning show.

This flashes me back to the days when FOX actually did have a morning show. When they took Breakfast Time from FX, changed it to FOX After Breakfast, destroyed it, and then changed it into the Vicki Lawrence Show. Ugh. What a sad end to one of the great morning shows in history.

On June 28, TV Land is premiering a new original series called My First Time. Each episode of the six-part series will focus on a celebrity and their first "big break." The stars themselves will talk about how they first stepped into the limelight, and of course, footage of their first time, hopefully embarrassing, will be shown. I like the light and breezy approach TV Land often takes with its programming, so I'm hoping this show might actually be more interesting than it sounds. Of course, there's always the 2003 Showtime series coming out on DVD around the same time which is also called My First Time. This one is slightly different, though, as it shows porn stars reenacting the first time sexual experiences of regular women. I suppose in some kind of cosmic sense the two shows are similar, I just wanted to make sure you knew which one you were watching. Such mistakes can really put a damper on family reunions. I'm just saying.

Dear Keith Olbermann,

I know you say your producers are making you do stories about American Idol and Britney Spears, but I think you get just a little bit of glee out of ripping on celebrities. Why else would you agree to not only read the crap on the teleprompter, but engage in no fewer than four minutes of idle chit-chat with gossipers like Michael Musto from Village Voice? He's not funny, by the way. Neither is the chick from the radio station who joined you in bashing American Idol last night. If I want celebrity news, I'll watch an entertainment show or... uh... write it myself (sigh). You, however, should save that celebrity gossip for the Keeping Tabs segment and finish your show on something else: like the search for Jimmy Hoffa. There was so much more you could've done with the guy from the Skeptics Society.

Ricki Lake will be returning to television on May 31 to host a new CBS summer series called Gameshow Marathon. The series, which airs at 8 p.m., will pit celebrities such as Tim Meadows, Lance Bangs, and Kathy Najimy against one another in recreations of classic games such as Press Your Luck and Let's Make A Deal. One celebrity will be eliminated during each episode. Speaking of Press Your Luck, I had a teacher in high school who used to tell us not to "press our luck" all the time, so naturally a friend and I drew "Whammies" and displayed them on our desks whenever she said it. This is not a good way to learn, that's what I'm saying.

Guest stars. Think of them as spiking the punch. Sure, it's bright red, tasty, and fun to drink already. But dump in that flask of rum and it gets even better. Of course, the type of rum makes all the difference. You start playing around with the cheap stuff that comes in the non-descript plastic container and costs less than a gallon of milk, then you're begging for a headache and hangover. But if you suck it up, mortgage the house a second time, and fork over the newly acquired funds for a juice-box sized bottle of the spiced stuff from an unpronounceable coastal Puerto Rican village... well, you're gonna have a good night.

That being said, five guest stars who didn't give me a headache and a hangover:

1.) Bob Saget [Himself, Entourage] - Saget guested as one of Vince's new neighbors midway through the second season. If we're to believe that Saget's part as himself was true to life, then he's a woman-loving, sex-crazed, brothel addict. As Turtle so wisely put it, nothing is more embarrassing than being "cock-blocked by Bob Saget".

Now, this is why Samuel Alito and John Roberts joined the Supreme Court (or SCOTUS, for those of you who are acronym-oriented); the court heard the inheritance case of former Playmate and bad reality-show star Anna Nicole Smith today.

We all know the story: Anna Nicole married a geezer tycoon, J. Howard Marshall, who died (most likely with a big smile on his face) a year later. Smith put in a claim that she is entitled to half of Marshall's $1.6 billion estate, while his son feels he is the only heir.

According to this AP article, it seemed like some of the justices were on Smith's side during arguments, citing the fact that Pierce Marshall is purposely sabotoging any hope Smith had of claiming the money. However, the question being decided by SCOTUS is whether a federal appeals court has the right to decide on a state probate issue.

Either way, I'm sure it was an interesting day in Washington. I wonder if Anna Nicole offered Antonin Scalia a free supply of Trim Spa? Lord knows he needs it.

[Photo: Manuel Balce Ceneta/AP]

In case you've missed it -- perhaps you were busy hotdogging at the end of your snowboardcross race  --  here are some highlights from the last week at TV Squad:



Winter Olympics

• Day 10 coverage
• Day 9 coverage
• Day 8 coverage
• Day 7 coverage
• Day 6 coverage
• Day 5 coverage
• Day 4 coverage
• Michelle Kwan drops out, turns down NBC's offer...
• ...but signs on with Disney.
• Anna asks readers why they aren't watching the Olympics.
• Does Scott Hamilton's stint on Skating with Celebrities hurt his Olympic credibility?

The TV Squad Live! Sketch Project

• Our nice, gentle introduction to the project...
• ...Screw that; we're doing it because we think we can out-sketch SNL.

Breaking News

• Nick Lachey seeks spousal support.
• Crumbs is put on hiatus.
• NBC tells YouTube to remove Lazy Sunday video.
• Alec Baldwin is in talks to join Tina Fey-produced NBC series.
• Hubba Hubba! Veronica Mars star strips down for Maxim.
• Character actor Andreas Kastulas passes away.
• Kevin Smith wants to appear on Earl with his buddy Jason Lee.
• Jean Byron passes away.
• John Corbett (Nothern Exposure, Lucky) puts out a country album.
• Bill Gates and Oprah Winfrey cause a ruckus at a San Diego high school.
• 24 show-runner signed through sixth season.
• Shocker: ratings for Arrested Development finale were miniscule.
• Anne Heche to be in ABC pilot.
• So will Chazz Palminteri.
• Shannen Doherty hurt in a car accident.
• NBC brings Joey back, extends The Office.
• Life & Syle reports that TomKat is no more.
• The Apprentice will have less American-born contestants.

Discussions

• Listen to our second APB podcast.
• With which sci-fi crew are you be the most compatible?
• What is with the mysterious stain on Martha's carpet?
• Readers discuss what food they'd bring to a Seinfeld dinner party.
• Would you work at Dunder-Mifflin?
• What are college students watching?
• Ryan creates an iMix from the songs on How I Met Your Mother.

The Five

• Great characters on bad shows.
• Bob's early TV memories.

Opinions

• Jonathan's day at the Museum of Television and Radio.
• What the hell did Paris Bennett do to her hair?
• Bob is spooked by the Olsen Twins.
• Anna like's the new CD from Idol's Taylor Hicks.
• Bob hates that 2-second satellite delay on live news remotes.
  

Episode Reviews

• Battlestar Galactica: "The Captain's Hand"
• Smallville: "Cyborg"
• American Idol: The Chair Round
• Lost: "One of Them"
• Arrested Development: The Finale
• Grey's Anatomy: "(As We Know It)"

Wow! Not sure how accurate this is going to actually turn out, but Life and Style Weekly is reporting that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are heading to Splitsville.

Holmes, the former Dawson's Creek star, is currently seven months pregnant with Cruise's baby. He returns to the big screen this summer in Mission: Impossible III which was directed by Alias' JJ Abrams. Life and Style is reporting that the couple will work together until the child is born and will then announce the split. They plan to share custody of the child. Once again, Wow!

What about all the memories though? Tom jumping on Oprah's couch! The marriage proposal at the Eiffel Tower! The pregnancy announcement! Heck, we even made Tom Cruise one of the top stories of 2005! I need a new celebrity couple to obsess over!

In case you've missed it -- perhaps you were busy shoveling out your car (it's snowing like crazy in the Northeast)  --  here are some highlights from the last week at TV Squad:



The Winter Olympics have begun!

• Anna thinks Brian Williams brought too much of the real world to the opening ceremonies.
• Day 3 coverage
• Day 2 coverage
• Local NBC cameraman blogs from Turin (or Torino, depends on your language).
• Viewers get to vote for one Olympic athlete to join The Apprentice.
• The five Olympic sports Anna thinks are worth watching.

Breaking News

• Univision put up for sale.
• Neve Campbell gets engaged.
• Al Franken moves his radio show to Minneapolis; is he running for Senate?
• Elizabeth Vargas of ABC News is pregnant.
• Franklin Cover of The Jeffersons dead at 77.
• Al Michaels traded to NBC for Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.
• CBS shelves Love Monkey.
• Oprah signs deal with XM Satellite Radio.
• Rob Corddry to star in a pilot for FOX.
• A Warren Buffett cartoon is in the works.
• Kelly Clarkson wins 2 Grammys, doesn't thank American Idol.
• Andrea Anders of Joey to star in new sitcom.
• Mike Tirico and Tony Kornheiser to join Joe Theismann in MNF booth.
• Worker on Sam Donaldson's ranch convicted of murder.
• Jon Stewart and his wife have a daughter.
• Ricky Gervais to write an episode of the American version of The Office.
• Reuven Frank of NBC News dies at 85.

Discussions

• Listen to the first TV Squad APB podcast!
• Dave Chappelle to appear on Actor's Studio.... yeah, you heard me.
• Bob and the readers discuss Oprah's extensive power.
• What channels would you pick if cable was available a la carte?
• Some odd stuff happened on The Daily Show this week.
• Are there good actors who are annoying celebrities?
• Was Teri Hatcher's Grammy gown more revealing than the one J.Lo. wore a few years ago?
• Bob wonders if the Grammys still matter.

The Five

• Forgotten Sesame Street characters.
  

Opinions

• Kim remembers The Jeffersons.
• I spotlight the work of The Office's Mindy Kaling.
• Ryan likes Stacy Keibler... a lot.
• Kim wonders if it was a good idea for Kelly Clarkson to forget about Idol during the Grammys.
• Adam feels the need to defend Maria Bamford.
• He also thinks that Idol winners being nominated for Grammys is a bad sign.
  

Episode Reviews

• Battlestar Galactica: "Sacrifice"
• The O.C.: "The Heavy Lifting"
• The Office: "Valentine's Day"
• Lost: "The Long Con"
• Veronica Mars: "Ain't No Magic Mountain Hight Enough"
• Scrubs: "My Half-Acre" / "Her Story II"
• American Idol: Boston Auditions
• 24: "1:00 PM - 2:00 PM"
• Surface: Season Finale
• Gray's Anatomy: "It's The End of the World"

Nathan Rabin posed an interesting question over at the Onion AV Club's blog. Are there people you admire as actors but hate as celebrities? The first example Rabin gives is Jamie Foxx, a very talented actor in his own right, but a rather annoying celebrity, too. Rabin mentions catching an awful clip of Foxx crooning some horrendous song from his new album on The Tonight Show. I would add that Foxx also has a cloying habit of belting out songs in the middle of interviews. It's really annoying, like those music majors in college who would have "singing conversations" with one another until you wanted to slowly excoriate both of them with a cheese grater.

This is a difficult one for me to answer, because I figure once the actor has done their performance, they're no longer of any real concern to me. However, that's more than a little pompous and it's not as if I'm impervious to annoyance. In fact, I'm constantly annoyed by things all the time. So, off the top of my head, I'm going to go with Robin Williams, who I neither admire as an actor nor as a celebrity, but he did make me laugh once, quietly, for about .5 seconds, sometime in 1983. I guess that's admirable.

So kids, who do you love to watch perform but want to strangle when you see them any other time? The floor is all yours.

Oprah Winfrey has officially signed a three year deal with XM Satellite Radio worth $55 million big ones.

Using all that dough, the proposed new station called "Oprah & Friends" will air a non-stop live feed of her quest to buy a new island. Okay... not really. But it will feature talk programs about fitness, health, and self-improvement. We can also expect to hear from personalities featured in her "O" Magazine. Obviously, Oprah herself will be around for a weekly installment. So if her talk show isn't enough for you... now you can watch her, read her, and listen to her. Does she have a clothing line yet?

Being an impressionist is one of the toughest careers to maintain in the world of comedy. Instead of being able to do new material, audiences want you to do certain voices all the time. And at a certain point, your impressions become so outdated no one wants to hear them anymore (I'm sure Fred Travalena isn't getting requests for his Jimmy Carter impression, for instance).

Which is why I'm proposing this request to MadTV's Frank Caliendo: get a job as an analyst in an NFL booth. Now.

For those who've never seen Caliendo, he does some pretty good impressions: Al Pacino, Terry Bradshaw, Robin Williams, even President Bush; all of them are pitch-perfect (he does one of the most true-to-life Dubya impressions out there). But his signature impression is of soon-to-be-NBC football analyst John Madden. It's amazing how good it is; close your eyes and you'll swear that you're hearing the man himself. What Caliendo adds to the impression, though, is a sense that the cheese has slipped off Madden's cracker a bit, as he repeats himself, talks in circles, and states the obvious.