Earlier this week, it appeared as if Tim Pawlenty had declared his candidacy for president on 'Piers Morgan Tonight'. However, once CNN began running promos for 'Piers Morgan' highlighting the declaration, Pawlenty's campaign said he had not yet officially announced his run for office, and CNN was taking the quote out of context.
On 'The Colbert Report' (weekdays, 11:30PM ET on Comedy Central), Stephen Colbert presented a theory as to why Pawlenty's campaign issued the clarification.
"I do not blame them for trying to walk this one back," Colbert said. "Declaring your candidacy for president is supposed to be special. You only get to do it once. So you want to wait for that perfect journalist to share it with. Not just give it up for the first guy who asks. Certainly not to Morgan the Organ."
"Before we get started, I just want to give a quick shout-out to our writers' assistant C.C. Latearer who is laid up with some injuries," Colbert explained.
"Over the weekend she got a little hurt. So what happened was, she was in a bar in the East Village when Ultimate Fighting Champion Brock Lesnar starting hitting on C.C.'s mom, and C.C. told him to step off -- words were exchanged, punches were thrown."
"Then, C.C. spotted some orphans outside being harassed by a street gang. She stepped in, armed only with a broken bottle and Brock Lesnar's jaw bone, and she took care of bidness."
"Reagan was actually the first President to have a gay sleepover in the White House, he had many gay friends," Jarecki told Colbert.
"Go to Hell, what are you talking about," Colbert responded, incredulously. "Name one gay sleepover at the White House!"
"You can Google it," Jarecki recommended. It's fact."
"Who?' Colbert demanded.
"It was his interior decorator and his partner," Jarecki explained, triggering laughter in the audience.
The whole "interior decorator" thing made Jarecki's answer seem more like a punchline than a statement of fact, however Google does confirm that in 1984 Reagan's interior decorator and his partner were the first openly gay couple to spend a night in the White House.
"Mubarak is our friend. And we know Mubarak is our friend because we pay him to like us. Specifically, we pay him $1.3 billion a year," Colbert explained, as his audience groaned.
"But folks, listen up, that money buys us security," he continued. "We haven't had a single mummy attack on US soil!"
We ran Colbert's claim of no mummy attacks by our crack team of researchers, who were able to confirm that it is 100% accurate.
Sure, it's a calculated ploy on his part to shore up his conservative support, win over the Tea Partiers, and gain ground in the "Red States." ... But on the other hand -- fishing! Deer! Mountains! Explosions! Symbolic bald eagles! Machine guns!
And so, as Colbert says, it's time to let this modified intro "off the leash."
Check out the rest of TV Squad's Rally to Restore Sanity Coverage:
Keeping Things Moderately Reasonable on the Ground at the Rally to Restore Sanity (VIDEO)
Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert Reflect on Rally: We Did It! Now What?
The Best Moments From the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear (VIDEO)
Who Attended the Rally to Restore Sanity?
Colbert started out in character, saying he hoped his star power would give the issue enough of a boost to make it to C-Span 1. He drew a few smiles but most of the gallery did not seem amused; some appeared bored, others even hostile.
Here was his plan: Bury one thousand copies of the Koran -- the Muslim holy book -- along with a nuclear weapon. If the ribbon for the mosque is ever cut, then the nuke will detonate, blowing up all the copies of the Koran. According to him, this will stop any would-be mosque-builders in their tracks. It's total deterrence! It's mutually assured destruction!
I realized later on that I was probably watching when an entertainment loop was on, but what surprised me is that I wasn't fazed when I thought that was it -- that the ticker was reporting all the news of the world, and all that news was about celebrities.
The segment concludes with Colbert raising the controversy surrounding Helen Thomas' recent remarks on Israel (in which she said that the Israelis should get the heck out of Palestine and go back where they came from).
Watch the video after the jump.
According to the New York Times, Comedy Central recently signed its two award-winning "fake news" stars -- Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert -- to deals that would keep them on the air through 2012's presidential election.
"Jon and Stephen have established themselves not only on the cable landscape but also on the cultural landscape," said Doug Herzog, President of MTV Networks, which owns Comedy Central. "I think of myself as the manager of the '61 Yankees. I just wanted to keep writing Mantle and Maris into the lineup as many seasons as I can."
In short, Schieffer calls both Stewart and Colbert "editorial page cartoonists," in an interview at Broadcasting & Cable. He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way, he just means that they serve a certain function when it comes to the news. They're not journalists, they're making commentary on the journalist (and politics and current events and pop culture). He thinks "if all you watched is Stewart and Colbert, I'm not sure you could call yourself well-informed."
I would agree with that, and I bet Stewart and Colbert would too.
TV Squad Hot Topics
Most Popular Articles
From Our Partners
- 'Secrets and Lies' Exclusive Interview: KaDee Strickland Teases Coming 'Threat, Urgency and Danger'
- 'Criminal Minds' Episode 10.19 Photos: Meet the FBI's International Unit
- 'The Vampire Diaries' Episode 6.18 Photos: Elena Reevaluates Her Vampire Life
- 'Supernatural' Episode 10.17 Photos: Sam and Cas Investigate the Mark of Cain
- 'Grey's Anatomy' Episode 11.19 Photos: Everyone Observes a Big Surgery
- More From BuddyTV
- Quotes of the Week From The Royals, DWTS, Undateable and More
- Dwayne Johnson Hosts SNL: Watch Video of the Best and Worst Sketches
- Kids' Choice Awards 2015 Winners: Modern Family, Austin & Ally and More
- Ratings: Grimm Hits Low, Cristela Slips, Hart of Dixie Finale Flat
- TVLine Mixtape: Your Favorite Songs From Jane the Virgin, Forever and More
- More From TVLine
- Op-Ed: Thank You, Angelina Jolie, For Celebrating Our Kids Who Are 'Different'
- Carrie Underwood Posts First Full Shot of Baby Isaiah
- Dwayne Johnson Hulks Out as President 'The Rock' Obama on 'SNL'
- Meghan Trainor on 'Dear Future Husband' Video: 'I Don't Think It's Sexist'
- Star Sightings March 2015
- More From ET