Last night they crowned Miss Universe. [Insert excitement here.] Hey, I remember watching The Miss America Pageant with my mom and sister in the '70s when I was a kid, but in this day and age when there are so many "titles" and award shows, who cares? Even host Billy Bush announces it in the clip below as if he's a waiter reading the specials of the night (and who got these two hosts and thought they were special? Jeez.)

Also: how can this be Miss Universe? Were there any Klingons in it?

Despite the gray hair, American Idol champ Taylor Hicks is only 29. So can someone explain to me why he's already writing his memoirs (if he is indeed writing them, he'll probably get a co-writer)?

Hicks just got a $750,000 advance from Random House to pen his life story, titled Heart Full Of Soul. The book will be in stores next spring.

Is there anything about Hicks that we don't already know from all of the interviews he's given and all of the family and behind the scenes stuff we've seen on Idol?

I can't wait for the Taylor Hicks Xbox game and the line of Taylor Hicks clothing. Don't laugh, it could happen.