dan bakkedahl

Hurrah! The Daily Show came back from its week-long hiatus. I was hoping they would mention that Rob became a daddy during the break, but, alas, no. Oh well. I guess since Samantha didn't get a shout-out when she had Piper, it wouldn't be fair to give one to Rob.

Jon started by acknowledging the fact that, during the week off, North Korea tried out their weapons and Al-Qaeda attempted to bomb the Holland Tunnel, both to no avail. However, a building collapsed in Manhattan. Yeah, that's right, you crazy North Koreans and terrorists... We don't need you! We can blow up our own stuff, thanks.

The Gay Pride Parade took place in Greenwich Village over the weekend (making Jon feel very out of shape). Jon joked (I hope?) that he thought, "I bet my son would love a parade!" and took his little boy to the festivites. Jokes about juggling balls and balloon animals ensued.

Jon Stewart touched on the previous day's report on the Republican effort for a non-binding resolution. Well, seems like the Democrats are fighting back!... with their own non-binding resolution. Hm. Jon brought up Charles Norwood's question again: "Is it Al-Qaeda, or is it America?" According the Comedy Central e-poll, 84% answered, "America", 7% answered, "Al-Qaeda", and 9% wanted to know when Dave Chapelle is coming back.

"Sheikh's Feet Under": Big news! Abu Mousab al-Zarqawi (aka Stinky) has been found dead. When Donald Rumsfeld made the announcement, he sounded a little choked up because it's the first thing he's done right. The news was accepted quietly, but the press conference in Iraq was met with cheers. Correspondent Samantha Bee explained that the death of Zarqawi and eight other martyrs is going to make for a sucky day for virgin wranglers in Heaven. Some of the lower ranking guys probably won't get full complement... the cherry orchard may have a few bruised fruits... some of those girls might be whores.

The FBI recently dug around a farm to look for the body of Jimmy Hoffa. Well, finally. We were wondering what happened to him. Jon Stewart managed to throw in a Sopranos reference, suggesting Hoffa is still alive and well in New Hampshire with his volunteer-fireman partner. If the FBI finds Hoffa soon, that means we'll get Osama by 2047... if we're lucky.

May 4th was Cinco de Mayo Eve, the night when drunken stockbrokers tumble through civilian chimneys once the kids are in bed.

"Revenge of the Birds": The ol' H5-NI fear has been running rampant and the government finally stepped up and released its plans to combat any potential outbreak in the National Strategy for Pandemic Influenza report. Here's a synopsis: "We dunno what to do, we dunno what to do, we dunno!" Jon suggested an alternate title for the Strategy... "RUN!"

Exxon's executive chief, Lee Raymond, is going to receive a very nice retirement package of $400 million. A package nice enough to outrage the public, suffering from rising gas prices. Jon also let us take a look at Mr. Raymond. Before we had a chance to judge, Jon insisted that Mr. Raymond's wicked jowls are not "the embodiment of greed run amok", but a very important storage system for valuable items such as doubloons, collectible baseball cards and Munch's "Scream".

There are a lot of sick perverts out there, perusing through the Internet for young children to take advantage of. One such man: Brian Doyle. Doyle was recently arrested for soliciting sex from a 14 year-old (who turned out to be someone undercover). Here's the twist: Doyle works for the Department of Homeland Security... and he told the 14 year-old that he worked there. Wow. Bravo, sir. If only we had a department in charge of investigating this sort of stuff... Hmm. The irony is too much. Al-Qaeda must think we're retarded. Despite the horrors of this scandal, it still doesn't top McGruff's flashing issue from earlier in the year.

Jon Stewart went surfing on the web and stumbled across a list of Dick Cheney's suite demands on The Smoking Gun. It's a lot like a rock band's performance contract but with "fewer condoms and more... defibrillators". Such demands include the temperature stay at 68 degrees (assuming that is the temperature at which reptiles are most comfortable), all lights have to be turned on (we will save no electricity when the Vice President is here!), and -- get this -- all televisions have to be tuned into FOX News ("Wow! Because God forbid he walks into a hotel room and the TV is on another channel and he finds out what a shitty job he's been doing!"). Oh, and Jon revealed that scribbled at the bottom of the typed list was "rifle, ammo, old man's face". Hmm... That could mean anything.

All we've been hearing about is Al-Qaeda, Al-Qaeda, Al-Qaeda. Well, what about the mom and pop terror groups? The Spanish terrorist group, the ETA, has announced a permanent cease-fire. O RLY? It's kind of hard to believe them when they're still wearing those ridiculously creepy hoods. But, according to TDS, they kind of look like the Elephant Man without their hoods so... maybe it's better to keep hidden, yeah?

Jon's back on from his Oscars gig. Oh, Jon, how we've missed thee. After putting down his Hollywood sunglasses, cellphone, and Blackberry, Jon talked about the mixed reviews over his performance ("I sucked... and was great!"). He's usually pretty hard on himself (I remember him uttering, "I am a loser" after one of his jokes during the Oscars) so it was good to hear that Jon said that he had a great time. Audience may or may not have enjoyed his performance as host... it all depended on which cutaways you saw (Jamie Foxx laughed it up, Joaquin Phoenix offered nothing but cold stares). Well, for what it's worth, I thought Jon did a fantastic job with what he had. I really loved the "attack ads" that Stephen Colbert voiced. Jon even showed another attack ad that they pulled at the last minute about monkeys in the biz, out of fear of an uprising resulting in a Planet of the Apes world. It's practical thinking.

Mr. Jon Stewart was back with a whole new week of Daily Show (sorry, Rob, it just wasn't the same without Jon). The "1800th episode" line tied back to a fan's question from the pre-show warm-up. Read her blog entry about the event. It's a sweet story... It just makes you want to love Jon even more.

Well, it was no surprise that the first news to be reported was "Cheney's Got A Gun". Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year-old man. In the face. While quail-hunting. The face. While quail-hunting. The injured man, Harry Whittington, is the first person to be shot by a sitting Veep since Alexander Hamilton. At least the Aaron Burr story had some good meat to it... The Hamilton/Burr fight was over political maneuvering, but the Cheney/Whittington case was that Cheney mistook Whittington for a bird.

Welcome to The Daily Show with Rob Corddry. According to Rob, Jon Stewart was out because he had to get fixed up at the shop (but really, he was probably just starting his weekend early so he could spend time with his new baby girl). When I saw Rob pop up on-screen, I couldn't help but remember back to that time that Stephen Colbert filled in for Jon. It was more than a little awkward (it wasn't that he was a bad host... it was just... weird), so I crossed my fingers that Rob could do a better job.

"This is Wire Tap" (I guess this joke will be sticking around for a while): The New York Times recently reported that since 9/11, the NSA has flooded the FBI with thousands of names, e-mails, etc. of people who are possible links to terrorist organizations. Virtually of these have led to dead ends. Brilliant. Our safety measures since 2001 have grown to listening to people's boring-ass phone calls and having old people take their shoes off at the airport.