dating shows

ABC has officially found a way to turn dating reality shows into a literal metaphor.

The network has approved a one-hour special called Conveyor Belt of Love in which prospective bachelors are presented to blushing bachelorettes on (you guessed it!) a conveyor belt like so much pre-packaged meat.

The show is being produced by the game show powerhouse Endemol, which produced a similar dating show back in the day called Chains of Love in which people were (you guessed it again!) chained to their dates. Let's hope these literal freaks never produce a dating show It's Time to Cut Him Off.

Check out the show's official trailer after the jump. Watch it with someone you love who reminds you that you don't have to grovel for affection on television anymore.

Despite the fact that I'm part of MTV's target demographic, I don't really watch the network. I only tune in as I'm getting dressed in the early morning and MTV's running its morning music video block. For the rest of the day, MTV seems to avoid actually playing full music videos like the plague. Instead, they fill their programming schedule with awful reality shows about spoiled pre-teens and dating shows so depressing that contestants are even willing to pee all over themselves to get out.

Now, please allow me to frolic about in my own fantasy world, in which I create my idea of MTV's perfect programming schedule. There are only five -- FIVE -- MTV shows that I would keep. That's right. Everything else should be full-on music videos. In my own MTV, there will be no Laguna Beach, no Pimp My Ride, and certainly no Yo Momma (how did they manage to pitch that?!)

Ah, summer. Time for barbecues and flip-flops and beaches. But it's also time for summer throwaway shows and trashy reality programming on the major networks. So you also know what that means: time for yet another show where pretty women get to whine about how they can't find a guy.

The latest example is a new ABC show called How to Get the Guy, debuting June 12, that follows around four women as they do anything they can to find the man of their dreams. According to this New York Daily News article, the women will go around the country applying the super-aggressive man-catching lessons imparted by a couple of dating coaches. Yeesh. Sounds scary, if you ask me.