(S04E08) Tonight, I felt like I was R. Lee Ermey and The Office was Vincent D'Onofrio and this review was the first half of Full Metal Jacket.

See, I feel like I've been yelling at The Office now for quite a few weeks, trying to get it into marine-ready shape. Like D'Onofrio's hapless character, the show kept disappointing me with Survivorman parodies and surreal kidnappings. Tonight, though, everything snapped into place and, like Private Pyle, the show started acting like a perfect marine.

Tonight's episode was so good, in fact, I'm actually worried that I'm going to walk in on a homicidal Steve Carell screaming at me: "This is my rifle! There are many like it, but this one is mine!!" More strained analogies (and a glowing review) after the jump...

I think Paris has a future as one of those Jaywalkers on The Tonight Show. The girl is dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. If you didn't already figure that out from her crap reality show and personal appearances on various talk shows, you really should read some of her spoken word. It's... depressing. TMZ obtained a copy of Hilton's deposition from a lawsuit in which she is accused of spreading lies in gossip magazines about her ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Here are a few Paris-isms: